It seems a long time since pedants were objecting to the word "gay" for homosexuals. Now we just have the issue of etiquette. What, for example, do you call a gay person's other half?
Author Val McDermid, a recent guest on Desert Island Discs, referred firmly to her wife, but that does rather go with husband; "partner" seems easy, except for a couple I know in which each has a gay partner but they are also GP partners – confusing.
Maybe spouse would do? And how should one address the new female partner of an old friend? Miss Bloggins, or Natalie or – I'm pretty sure it's not this – Bloggo, as your friend lovingly calls her? Using a nickname seems presumptuous, but too much formality could suggest coolness. Should they now always be invited together?
In Mary McCarthy's book The Group, one woman's lesbian partner was invited only when the others invited husbands; but that hardly takes care of all occasions. Plainly a new chapter in the etiquette book is needed – and one thing should probably be in it: don't ever say: "Oh, you're a lesbian – you must meet Amanda Whatsit…" "It's like," growled one gay friend, "saying: 'Oh you're Jewish! I know another Jew…'"
Just so.
