Name: American Idea.
Age: Prenatal.
Appearance: Imminent.
I’ve got quite a few ideas for Americans. What’s this one about? It’s the Trump Organization’s new business venture.
I don’t suppose there’s any chance this is something to do with another Trump family entirely, is there? The Lincolnshire Trumps, perhaps? Who peeled off from the rest in the late middle ages and settled down to make an honest fortune from sheep farming and wool trading? No, sorry.
OK. Hit me. American Idea is the name for a new business venture by the Trumps – a set of three-star hotels aimed at the Donald’s core voting base.
How so? Will they be segregated? Have a wall running down the middle of every room? A revolver on every pillow instead of a mint? They will have appealing Americana as part of their decor.
I am losing the will to make jokes. Just tell me what “Americana” means. Things such as old-fashioned Coke machines and American-made toiletries in the rooms, in keeping with Trump’s campaign promises about making US-only deals.
Why are they not using his name, as with everything else he owns does? His brand is increasingly being boycotted by the very many millions who did not vote for him. Best to fly under the radar for now.
And where will we find these limitlessly charming hostelries? The first ones are coming to the Mississippi delta – they will mostly be rebranded Holiday Inns and Comfort Inns. The Trumps are partnering with the co-owner of a local family-owned chain in the region, Chawla Hotels.
What did Chawla Hotels do to deserve this high honour? Co-owner Suresh Chawla wrote a letter printed in local newspapers in 2015 saying that his father, a shop owner, cold-called Trump’s New York office to ask for advice and a $425,000 loan to start his own hotel.
Did that go well? Trump refused the loan but said he admired his immigrant story and recommended pursuing less conventional sources of funding.
That sounds … lacklustre in the extreme. According to Suresh, his father was inspired. Suresh himself donated $50,000 to Trump’s campaign.
Is this new project even legal? Shouldn’t Trump have divested himself of all this by now? It’s only ethically and morally dubious. So don’t worry! The money wheel keeps on turning.
Do say: “Can I pay in Confederate bills?”
Don’t say: “Could I have the Liberal Elite suite and a copy of the New York Times in the morning, please?”
