Gordon Brown is very unlikely to be elected.
Ukip's candidate for Rother Valley, that is, not Labour's for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath. But this linguistic illusion is far from the only confusing thing about Ukip's legion of parliamentary candidates.
Several appear to be standing in more than one seat - I spy two sets of David Blacks, James Carvers and John Moores - and a whopping eight appearances for John Whittaker. Dr Whittaker, it turns out, IS standing in eight constituencies - just to prove that this is perfectly possible under current electoral rules. But the rest are actually different people with the same (solidly Anglo-Saxon) names ... spooky.
I called one to double check up on the etymological coincidence.
"David Black, are you standing in Windsor as well as Derby South?"
"No, how could I be?"
"Well your colleague Dr Whittaker is standing in eight just to prove he can ..."
"I wouldn't have anything to do with that: I'm a red-blooded, heterosexual male."
Good to see that Ukip is embracing a 21st-century diversity policy.
By the way, our man Oliver Burkeman has been out on the campaign trail with the Ukippers; it's all a bit Louis Theroux.
