As he wanders alone in the wilderness of international football, cast out by lantern-jawed motivational genius and man of few words (even fewer in English) Fabio Capello, David Beckham is clearly a fallen idol on a personal quest for meaning in his life.
Judging by his latest T-shirt, he might have found it in the shape (and even more mangled English) of David Lindwall. The former Dior model and clothes designer is, it seems, a kindred spirit. Lindwall's latest collection explores "the element of technology in relation to the human mechanism" – something Beckham will be familiar with after knackering his achilles tendon before the World Cup.
But even those conspiracy theorists who insist the secrets of the shadowy global Illuminati can be exposed by interpreting the symbols on Beckham's forearms will be stumped by Lindwall's Zoolander-esque guff. "Black Matter May Do More Than Just Weigh" proclaims the legend above the diagram of gobbledegook on Beckham's chest.
"The shirt is my artistic interpretation of a few different scientific equations concerning black matter and time travel," explains Lindwall. "It represents the combining of a scientific and emotional explanation for the dichotomy of good/bad, light/dark." Conclusion? Either Beckham's gone full Da Vinci Code or he's wearing it as a dig at the eloquence of Capello's team talks. Whatever, the shirt's a steal at $110 (£71).
