LV men’s (on women)
Designed for men but fabulous on women: reports reach us that the coolest girls are buying Virgil Abloh’s debut men’s Louis Vuitton collection by the armful. Who can blame them?
Scribble chic
Spring wedding? Consider the latest mother-of-the-bride fluoro numbers from Moschino? Or take a neon marker and a white cotton suit.
Looking like you just got out of the bath is officially in, say well-dressed rappers. Imagine the comfort! And the coos! Snugglesome and chic.
Alexa! No!
When the virtual assistant hears her name mentioned on the telly and starts to respond with random nothings: ‘Ulaanbaatar is the capital of Mongolia’. What? Shush!
Boring Fascinators
Average hats are so yesterday, says Vivienne Westwood: instead get yourself a chair-hat. A hat with a chair attached. Yes! And No. But mainly ‘YES!’
Hi-cut ‘kinis
Good luck to those who choose to wear them but these hoiked up cheese-wire bikini bottoms are the devil’s work. No, thanks.
Draper’s Record
It’s the shoe of this spring — and the next and the next after that as far as we’re concerned. Ladies: meet the Balenciaga ‘knife-point’ heel in green. You’re welcome.
The new Copperati
Move over jet black and ruby red: Strictly champ Stacey’s sparkling copper hair hue is fire. And here’s Mads Mullins copper-haired new face of Saint Laurent and our girl to watch on the runways this season.
Pret-a-partum
Talk about final trimester — supermodel Erin O’Connor walked the Schiaparelli couture show, eight months pregnant, in a frothy raspberry frock. Amazing.
Room service
Never as good as you think it’s going to be. Eating on a bed that’s not your own; forgotten condiments; dirty trays outside your room; and the food’s always cold. Oh, and the audacious prices!
S*** Gardens
For major lols follow @shitgardens for pictures of the crappest horticulture you’ll find on this sceptic isle. Offensive garden gnome, anyone?
Salty smiles
Those white arcs of salt residue on your work shoes from all the grit councils are spraying on our pavements. These new boots are ruined.
Living Coral
Sorry, Pantone, but it’s over before it’s even begun — Living Coral paint is everywhere. Therefore over. Our money is on Farrow & Ball’s new Sulking Room
