PR disaster of the week
Last week, on The New Adventures of Prince Andrew’s PR Team: ”Actually I can’t sweat, as it were”...”I went to his house to tell him we couldn’t be friends...and stayed for four days, as it were”...”Pizza Express in Woking, as it were”.
This week?
MONDAY : Seeking some respite after a stressful grilling at the hands of Emily Maitlis, Prince Andrew flies to Canada. Despite the Prince’s protestations that he wants to keep a low profile, his PR team encourage him to pose for a photo with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
TUESDAY : As front pages across the world lead with “PRIME MINISTER AND PRINCE IN BLACKFACE SCANDAL”, Andrew’s PR team issue a statement denying that it was him in the photo on the basis that “The Prince’s fingers are considerably more stubby than those holding the fried chicken in the picture”.
WEDNESDAY : As front pages across the world lead with “PHOTOSHOP EXPERT PROVES IT IS PRINCE ANDREW IN BLACKFACE PHOTO”, Andrew’s PR team go with “Eh, on reflection His Royal Highness concedes that it is him in the photo, but the black face, black fingers, black knees, oversized lips, watermelon, fried chicken and freshly-picked cotton were all photoshopped into a perfectly innocent picture of His Royal Highness and the Prime Minister discussing proposals for the advancement of young black entrepreneurs”.
THURSDAY : As front pages across the world lead with “I KNOW PRINCE ANDREW BLACKFACE PHOTO IS GENUINE BECAUSE I PERSONALLY SUPPLIED HIM WITH THE PROPS AND HE SAID ‘I, HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCE ANDREW, APPRECIATE YOU SOURCING THE WATERMELON, FRIED CHICKEN AND FRESHLY-PICKED COTTON AT SUCH SHORT NOTICE, AS IT WERE’ SAYS CANADIAN PROP SUPPLIER”, his PR team seek to defuse the controversy by booking an appearance for the Prince on Good Morning Britain to explain himself. Dressed as Ali G.
FRIDAY : After being advised by his PR team to “retreat to your safe space and lie low until this all blows over”, Andrew is spotted asking for “the usual” at Pizza Express in Woking. And let me tell you, His Royal Highness is absolutely DRENCHED in sweat.
PR disaster fallout of the week
There has been some debate as to the value of discussing Prince Andrew’s catastrophic BBC interview in terms of its failure as a PR exercise. Some have suggested that this detracts from discussion of the alleged abuse itself.
I understand this take, but it’s surely a given that we consider the alleged abuse the most important issue. It’s Andrew who didn’t acknowledge it. He expressed zero empathy towards the alleged victims, instead prioritising the significantly lesser impact the allegations have had on him.
It’s precisely because we don’t know all the details of the alleged abuse that we can only say so much about it. Andrew’s PR disaster, on the other hand, unfolded in front of the entire country’s eyes.
Worst patter of the week
Dating apps like Tinder, Grindr and Bumble don’t always paint an accurate picture of your prospective partner. Yes, their picture makes them look worth a punt, but in the photoshop age you might just be looking at a polished, heavily-filtered turd.
Then you discover that they “love the outdoors”. You imagine camping at Loch Lomond, cycling around Millport and hiking up Arthur’s Seat. In reality, he stands on high streets in a blue jacket handing out leaflets for the Conservative party.
Most misleadingly, he claims to have a ‘GSOH’, but in reality tweets “ Caitlyn Jenner’s volunteering first? She’s got balls!” during an I'm A Celebrity task. You know, because she used to be a man. Swipe left and move on.
Train of thoughtlessness of the week
It’s hard to imagine Scotrail’s reputation among commuters getting any worse than it already is, but their Twitter account gave it a good go this week.
When they tweeted about clamping down on fare evasion, dozens replied citing faulty machines or long queues at stations. “Is it a major issue buying on trains?” asked @fraserkerr30, perfectly reasonably. Scotrail replied “Is it a major issue buying from the ticket machine or booking offices before getting on the train, Fraser?”.
You’d think a train line would know how to conduct itself. I’d expect Scotrail to apologise, but usually when they say “I am sorry” it’s followed by “to announce that the x train to x has been delayed by approximately five minutes”.
Scapegoat of the week
When it aired in October, Channel 4’s damning Dispatches documentary fleshed out accusations against Prince Andrew and unflinchingly brought the uncomfortable details into the country’s living rooms.
His grilling at the hands of Emily Maitlis on the BBC this month showed him to be, at VERY best, shifty and inept. Just two days after the interview was aired, a formed aide accused the Prince of using a racial slur during a rant at Buckingham Palace in 2012.
With Andrew doing so much to damage the royal family’s reputation, there’s only one question on everyone’s minds - when will Meghan Markle apologise?
