I fear I’ve been “triggered” by Melania Trump’s red cone Christmas trees in the White House. Perhaps others have suffered similar nightmares about major US cities being attacked by gigantic uterine fibroids?
When I first saw Melania’s cheery Christmas decor, I half expected to see Captain Kirk brandishing a ray gun between the branches. Or, maybe the tree-beings are shooting jets of nerve gas at White House visitors – should we send over David Davis to test this theory?
Obviously, much scarier stuff goes on at the White House every day. Still, it’s intriguing that Melania has such bold views about what comprises feelgood festive decorations. Last year, she did Revenge of the Narnian Snow Queen; this year, it’s Yuletide Malarial. Is she angling for post-presidential opportunities as an interior decorator – for chemical warfare laboratories? Alternatively, now there’s a female Doctor Who, perchance her special skill set could be utilised for a plot line involving an alien invasion of giant angry fallopian tubes?
If not, Melania shouldn’t be disheartened – few true artists are recognised in their lifetimes. Some of us are already looking forward to Christmas 2019, when Melania will presumably liven up the tired tinsel with a voodoo/human sacrifice theme.
• Barbara Ellen is an Observer columnist
