My head is the same size as a Barbara Hepworth sculpture, and it’s because of this that I rarely wear sunglasses. Frankly, it’s hard to find shades that work for a person whose real-life head resembles the second clarinetist in the Star Wars cantina house band. The smaller the frames, the bigger the head looks; to misquote Jennifer Saunders, it’s a “zeppelin in a condom” situation. And if I have to go big with sunglasses, the effect is a bit too “Jackie O post grassy knoll”.
Luckily, I also have a secret personal objection to sunglasses. To me, nothing says “affected cool dude” more than sporting a pair of eye-covering aviators. This, I’m sorry to say, is mainly a prejudice that I hold against Tom Cruise’s character in Top Gun, who was the embodiment of the greasy sort of sleazeball I never wanted to grow up to be (admittedly, this deep-level analysis comes with a confession: I only actually saw the film a couple of years ago and, shhh, Tom wasn’t such a bad guy). Subsequently, no matter if it’s retina-melting sun-ray weather outside and I’m wearing a pair of sunglasses, I believe that everyone is thinking, “Who does he think he is, wearing sunglasses? Lou bloody Reed?”
But perhaps I’m missing the point: when you’re on holiday wearing shades, it’s only partially about sun protection. It’s also about transformation, changing into the person you could be in the foreign climes you are exploring. It’s not about pretensions, but about the hope of self-betterment. Could sunglasses actually be the gateway to a better me? Hmmm.
The pair I’m wearing today are so experimental, in fact, they don’t even have a frame. They are just pure, unadulterated lens in a Smurf tone of blue. It’s weird, because I’ve worn a lot of crazy stuff in my time (let’s not discuss the three-tassel incident), but I don’t feel like myself when I’m wearing these shades, and not even the better version of myself. It’s the version who has taken the red pill and ended up lost in dressing box hell.
• Priya wears sunglasses, £144, by Illesteva, from matchesfashion.com. Jacket, £259, whistles.com. T-shirt, £15, cosstores.com. Jeans, £49.95, gap.com. Trainers, £280, fillingpieces.com.
Styling: Melanie Wilkinson. Grooming: Claire Ray at Carol Hayes Management.
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