This is not a drill; this is actually happening. Flares. Believe me, no one is as surprised as me. I did not anticipate, even when I watched 1970s styles crop up again and again on the catwalks for this season’s collections, that I would be wearing flares either on this page, or in real life. I guess I had written off flares, to be honest, and had started thinking of them as comedy fashion. The sort of thing you would wear as part of a themed disco fancy dress outfit, along with stupid sunglasses and a nylon afro.
Essentially, like Michael Fish and the hurricane, I underestimated the strength of the 1970s revival we are experiencing. The good news is that what is appealing about flares never changes: they break the rules, challenge fashion’s straight-and-narrow mindset, and that’s always an appealing gang to be in. Also, the width at the ankle is flattering to the girth of the thigh. On the other hand, that rule-breaking mindset is so closely associated with a certain era that it’s not easy to wear flares without actually looking groovy.
I have been wearing two pairs of flares, in real life: a new silky high-waisted black pair, £39.99 from Zara (it says wide-leg trousers on the website, but since the width of my thigh equals that of the trousers, they are definitely flares in my book) and an old pair of Made In Heaven flared jeans which are flat-fronted with a double row of gold buttons down each hipbone. (Very this season: see Gucci, or JW Anderson.)
That these are both a bit feminine – the silky fabric of one pair, the gold buttons on the other – makes them easier to wear, I find, than a chunky cord would be. Also, you will probably need to get your flares hemmed to the right length, since they always come long.
What I have discovered about wearing flares in 2015 boils down to this: it’s much easier to work this look for daytime than for evening. As soon as you add anything glitzy, the look goes off-key and looks silly. Stick with daywear: a polo neck gives a flattering long line and a modish 70s effect; a cotton shirt makes the look most wearable. And wearable is the key, if you are going to actually wear them. Which could happen. I repeat: this is not a drill.
• Jess wears silk blouse, £65, topshop.com. Flared jeans, £188, by Koral, from avenue32.com. Snake platforms, £85, dunelondon.com.
Styling: Melanie Wilkinson. Hair and makeup: Sharon Ive at Carol Hayes Management.
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