What did we wear before polo necks were a thing? It gives me neck chills just thinking about it. A cravat? Seems unlikely, but I cannot honestly remember. I have worn a polo neck, either by itself or as a base layer under a shirt or dress, pretty much every other day this winter and last and the one before that. A polo neck is cosy without being bulky, modern without being mannered. It just works.
At some point, the polo neck will be over and I need to prepare myself for this eventuality. It will fade from favour, slip down the ratings from on-point to passable until we reach the day when bumping into someone you know while wearing one is borderline awks. Like getting spotted in Uggs. (A dog comes in handy here. Seriously, you can get away with wearing any old tat if you are walking a dog. A year and a half into dog ownership, I can report confidently that even if you look like you styled your outfit while escaping a burning building, no one will judge you if you have got a cockapoo with you. I don’t know why this is. It is not like a dog gets to spring a walk on you. Anyway.)
Still, you can’t take a dog everywhere, so I need a soft landing for when the day comes to pull the ripcord on the high neck. I am hedging my bets with this turtle neck – by which I mean the height halfway between a crew neck and a polo neck, with no fold. (In the US, this is a mock turtle neck.) This is gradually replacing the outsize polo necks that started at Céline a few years ago and then on the catwalk.
No, it is not a cop-out, actually. A turtle neck is totally different from a polo neck, I will have you know. The body language of wearing one is different: there is none of that tuck-your-chin-inside, conspicuously-incognito vibe that you get with a big old rollover neck. It is sleeker, sportier, more body-conscious. Both Hadids and most Kardashians have made the switch already.
I am not going to lie: emotionally, it is still going to be a wrench. Pulling your polo neck up above your chin is the next best thing to ducking your head back under the duvet. Getting to wear a comfort blanket and call it a dynamic on-trend look is utterly brilliant – while it lasts. But as an exit strategy from polo neck dependency, the turtle neck is a viable halfway house. It keeps you warm and makes you look sort of... longer, if that doesn’t sound too ridiculous. Life after polo necks starts here.
• Jess wears top, £160, by Cecilie Copenhagen, from matchesfashion.com. Leather skirt, £149.99, hm.com. Heels, £130, kurtgeiger.com
Styling: Melanie Wilkinson. Hair and makeup: Samantha Cooper at Carol Hayes Management
