As I sit down to write this letter on my day off, there are 10 emails in my inbox from you. If I open them I know it will ruin my day. You like to send emails criticising my work, and copy in the most senior people you can find. You like to tell people to chase me about tasks that have not been completed. You like to type out my mistakes in all capitals, telling me to pay “attention to detail” in the same email that you misspell company names. It’s infuriating, and makes me feel humiliated.
Surprisingly, when you first joined the business we hit it off. You seemed fun and I enjoyed sharing my ideas with you over a drink after work. We spent almost every day together. When you were unwell, I helped you manage your workload. I had your back.
Then you started passing on my work to someone else without any explanation. I kept trying harder and harder to please you, but my work was never good enough. My projects would be given to someone else, you would change your mind about my workload, or an urgent decision would be delayed and I would have to pick up the pieces. Projects got derailed on a daily basis. I became exhausted, started having trouble sleeping, and had no energy.
It’s not just me that is affected by you. Yesterday when I came into work I saw a colleague tearing out their hair, saying: “I did it the way you said and it’s still wrong!” Our team is rarely trusted to do even the simplest tasks.
After a year I stopped being your drinking friend and distanced myself from you. I decided you weren’t a friend. You spent your whole time criticising other people at work. You said you were “always straight” with me, but you were far from it. You said almost anything to get your own way.
I know now I will never please you, so I’m trying to please myself. Doing a good job means one that I’m happy with. I write down my achievements to deflect your constant criticisms. I make decisions without you and don’t tell you so I can just get on and do my work. I have made my mental health a priority and exercise almost daily to de-stress. It seems to be working and I no longer feel I have to justify myself to you. I am no longer angry at you. I almost feel grateful: you have inspired me to carve a more fulfilling life outside work.
I realise now that you are dysfunctional. You are wildly disorganised and don’t remember what you say from one day to the next. You bring us down because you feel inadequate. You don’t respect us, and you don’t respect yourself.
I should probably leave, but I love my job and the work I do. The team we have is great, and we have enough skills to run this place.
Please just let us get on and do it.
- Would you like to write an anonymous letter to your boss for this series? Get in touch by emailing careers.desk@theguardian.com
