If you saw Matt Nagy consoling Mitch Trubisky on the sideline Sunday night, you were probably wondering what the Bears head coach was saying to his quarterback. Lip-reading was out because Nagy was talking behind a play-call sheet to shield the viewing audience from the pair’s fourth-quarter conversation.
Nagy later said he told Trubisky that the QB’s tight right hip was making him an ineffective passer against the Rams and because of it, he was taking him out of the game. A day later, he would say that Trubisky had suffered a hip pointer in the first half. There was no shortage of skepticism about any and all of it.
You needed a forensic team just to wade though the facts and conjecture, which included broadcasters Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth suggesting on air Sunday that we might be witnessing the end for Trubisky as a starter in Chicago. That discussion wouldn’t have happened if the Bears had immediately communicated Trubisky’s hip issue to the NBC team. They didn’t.
Left to our own devices, we’ll have to guess what Nagy and Trubisky really said to each other. While we’re at it, we might as well dream about what Nagy should have said while the cameras were rolling Sunday night:
Nagy: “Look, I’m going to be brutally honest with you here, kid. It’s finally dawned on me that you’re not very good at this quarterback thing. And I’m so tired of telling the media how smart, talented, tough, loving, giving, heroic and impressively bearded you are that one more kudo out of my mouth will send me to a mental-health institution.’’
Trubisky: “Nothing you’ve said so far is incorrect.’’
Nagy: “So here’s what we’re going to do. There are about three and a half minutes left in the game. We’re down by 10 points, and Chase Daniel, a backup who has started five games in his truly blessed 10-year career, is our last, best chance to stay in playoff contention. You couldn’t get us a TD and a field goal right now if the future of the planet were at stake and we were playing a team of nuns. And, by the way, the pool of nuns has shrunk significantly in the past 40 years.’’
Trubisky: “No argument here!’’
Nagy: “So let’s say you have a hip injury.’’
Trubisky: “Is this one of those hypothetical situations?’’
Nagy: “No, I’m telling you that you have a hip injury. It’s why you’re coming out of the game.’’
Trubisky: “Neither of my hips hurts.’’
Nagy: “It’s what we’re going to tell the media so that your demotion to second string won’t look so harsh.’’
Trubisky: “Gee, Coach, you protect me better than the offensive line does. When did I get hurt?’’
Nagy: “Let’s say the second quarter.’’
Trubisky: “Then why did you have me run the option on third-and-1 in the third quarter? The play that went for minus-three yards.”
Nagy: “OK, let’s tell them that the injury occurred later in the third quarter. As for the option call, I was just being me.’’
Trubisky: “Won’t it look odd that I’m not limping?’’
Nagy: “Nah. I’ll tell them that you’re as tough as a catcher’s mitt. But I’ll add that when you tried to bend down to clean up the locker room at halftime, it looked like you were passing a kidney stone (probably another incompletion.)’’
Trubisky: “Wait, I thought we agreed I got hurt in the third quarter.’’
Nagy: “I wonder if we could work Santa’s Sleigh, my favorite trick play, into our narrative of what happened. Let’s agree that you got injured when one of the reindeer – Blitzen, a great football name! – inadvertently blocked a Ram into you.’’
Trubisky: “Was that in the second quarter or the third?’’
Nagy: “Yes.’’
Trubisky: “I’m more than a little confused. I have a tight hip that started bothering me at some point in the game, and now it’s going to preclude me from possibly leading a comeback on Sunday night football. Do I have this right?’’
Nagy: “You think too much. I wish general manager Ryan Pace had put as much thought into drafting you as you have into trying to get our story straight. I’m steamed that I have to stand in front of the world six days a week to explain the mistake Pace made by using the second overall pick in the draft on a quarterback with 13 college starts to his name. No offense, Mitch.’’
Trubisky: “None taken!”
Nagy: “I’m pretty sure Pace lives in a cave and sends messages to his scouts via a network of couriers on motorbikes. You know, when he’s not reading old Scooby-Doo comic books.’’
Trubisky: “I like Mr. Pace.’’
Nagy: “I’m sure you do. But he could have stuffed $29 million in your pocket and told you to go spend three years in an immersive Hungarian-language program, and the on-field results would have been the same.’’
Trubisky: “You’re starting to hurt my feelings. All you’ve told me since you arrived after my rookie year is how great I am. How I’m a natural leader of men. How positive I am. How important football is to me.’’
Nagy: “Do you see the water rising above our waists? Do you see the ship listing starboard? The fact that you’re wringing brine from your jersey says a lot more than the 1,000 times I’ve told people how much you care about your teammates.’’
Trubisky: “Is there a future for me here?’’
Nagy: “Let’s put it this way. The media is going to ask me if it would be better for you physically and emotionally to sit out the final six games of the season. I’m going to tell them that’s a ridiculous thought, that you’re our starting quarterback.’’
Trubisky: “So I’m out the rest of the season?’’
Nagy: “You’re starting to catch on, kid.’’
Trubisky: “Refresh my memory. When did I hurt my hip?’’
Nagy: “Was it the right hip in the second quarter or the left hip in the third? Oh, what a tangled web I’ve weaved!”
