When a musician disappears from the public view, most of us would hope they’ve simply opted for a quieter life, rather than struggling in obscurity or walking a darker path into the ugly morass of showbiz. I’m glad that Pete Doherty swapped “crack for camembert” and that Elton John opted for sobriety – though surviving addiction has given John a unique perspective on many things, including toddler tantrums, as he wrote in his memoir: “You think you’re being difficult, my little sausage? Have I ever told you about the time I drank eight vodka martinis, took all my clothes off in front of a film crew and then broke my manager’s nose?”
So it was with a strange sense of relief that I watched this week’s Australian Story about Alex Lloyd, the singer-songwriter behind the 2001 elegiac pop hit Amazing. Twenty-five years ago, it was hard to avoid Lloyd, who has sold more than 1m albums, or Amazing, which was a once-in-a-decade crossover hit that topped the Triple J Hottest 100, was thrashed on commercial radio and eventually went where all good pop songs go to die: television advertising. (Last year, someone even edited Amazing’s Wikipedia page to describe it as “the song from the Woolworths ad that makes everyone want to kill themselves”.)
Some of what happened to Lloyd after Amazing is already known: he moved overseas, had children, recorded more albums, then he seemed to disappear. But Australian Story revealed what happened before his rapid rise in his 20s. His memories of the domestic violence his mother endured. How he’d wander the streets of Sydney singing to himself before finding a childhood career in busking. His retreat into food for comfort. His mother’s sudden death from cancer when he was 16.
We also learned more about what came after. In 2009 Lloyd was accused of stealing the lyrics of Amazing by another musician, who claimed he co-wrote the song with Lloyd soon after his mother died. But Lloyd’s accuser got the year she died wrong, and withdrew his claim soon after the case reached court. Lloyd was awarded full costs, but it left him $300,000 out of pocket and forced him to revisit his childhood trauma – which, he says in the episode, “just comes and bites you in the arse”.
Lloyd’s marriage disintegrated. He binge drank and comfort ate; at his biggest, he weighed 168kg. He developed nerve pain due to a lack of cartilage between two of his vertebrae and was prescribed oxycodone. The drug “was fucking awesome – too awesome,” Lloyd recalls with a dry laugh. Things improved briefly: he stopped drinking, started running – and became addicted. “I had no idea what I was getting into on that drug … I tried to get off it myself so many times.”
Lloyd remains on buprenorphine, an opioid replacement. “I still have to take a little bit just to feel mentally OK,” he says. “And that’s pretty sad.”
Celebrity culture remains frighteningly inhumane, but Lloyd’s Australian Story episode is a heartening reminder of how far we’ve come since the 2000s, during his first turn at fame. For the most part, we remember famous people are people too; it is a rare celebrity who doesn’t admit to some kind of anxiety in interview. At the peak of his success, Lloyd recalls being “scared shitless” and masking his anxiety with alcohol. “We didn’t have a name for that stuff at that time,” he says. “You just had to man up, that was it.”
But the most touching part of the episode is the spirit of generosity that pervades it. Lloyd is clearly distressed while standing outside his childhood home, but he persists anyway “because there’s a lot of kids who get fucked up by this”. He now volunteers with kids who have survived trauma. “I don’t pretend to be someone who understands how to deal with childhood trauma; I’m just someone who’s been through it,” he says, as if this was nothing.
While his speech now sounds a little more fragile, Lloyd’s singing voice remains strong. His first studio album in 12 years is coming out later this year. His friend and broadcaster Adam Spencer speculates that the episode airing “is going to be a massive part of his healing”. Anyone watching this tremendous act of bravery would say: welcome back Alex Lloyd – and we hope it is.
Australian Story is available to stream on ABC iView
