After six decades of leaving carrots out for the reindeer, I have just discovered that reindeer only have one row of teeth, thus making it impossible to crunch a carrot.
Have I been torturing poor hardworking reindeer with a glimpse of something they would probably love, but cannot eat?
It's time to give the reindeer something they would really love, like:
Mushrooms
Quite coincidentally, a mushroom kit would also make an excellent present for any gardener suffering Plant Withdrawal Syndrome. Plant Withdrawal Syndrome commonly afflicts gardeners in droughts, when they are using the available water to keep their favourite plants alive but are still longing to grow something new. Mushroom growing does need water, but it can be done inside with less evaporation. It is also suitable for gardeners who do not have a garden.
After extensive research online (2.5 minutes on Google) I've discovered that there are several places you can buy them via mail order, and your local garden centre may even have them too. Prices range from $30 to $160 depending on size, and you can choose between at least 17 kinds of mushrooms and fungi from swiss brown to enoki, shitake or the amazing pink oyster (pleurotus djamor), which looks far too odd to be edible, but then I thought enoki were strange when I first saw them in the supermarket a few years ago, possibly white wiggly visitors from another planet who'd popped in to buy some mineral water and cherries, and decided to have a rest among the fungi.
Choose your mushroom kit carefully. Some are labelled ''good for beginners'' Some have warnings ''not for beginners'' and all tell you the temperature where that kind of mushroom will do best. Enoki, it seems, need a cold climate, though it may be possible to grow them in a fridge. Enoki sounds like exactly the kind of snack hardworking reindeer might adore.
Sedges
Reindeer - magical or not - love sedges, especially the tender young shoots. Landscaper gardeners adore Japanese sedge (Carex oshimensis), neatly-growing plants with arching leaves in green, or striped green and gold or gold and white.
Our wombats are fond of lomandra in all its lime green to blue green forms. Lomandra grow to neat mounds about 50-60cm high though not if you have resident wombats.
Tussocks
I am reliably informed (another two minutes on Google) that reindeer enjoy munching tussocks. They might then enjoy Australian native poa tussocks which survive almost anything, from drought and cracked soil around them to a herd of reindeer tromping over them. There are now cultivated forms that look slightly more ornamental. Poa tussocks are particularly lovely among slate grey paving, or planted in a raised bed or rockery, so the afternoon sun gleams through their leaves. Try blueish green Poa labillardieri 'Eskdale' or the bluer Poa poiformis 'Kingsdale'.
Hay
Despite a childhood spent peering out my bedroom window with Grandpa's bird watching binoculars trying to glimpse Santa's sleigh, the only reindeer I have ever actually met were in a wildlife park, and they were eating lucerne hay.
Buy a bale for the reindeer. They won't have time to eat it all, so the ragged remnant can be spread under the roses so that any black spot spores won't splash up when you water them. This should be a brilliant year for roses if you have time and water for them - roses love sun. An added mulch of reindeer nibbled lucerne will make the rose crop even better.
Mosses and lichens
In wet years, or even ''normal years'' which I suspect will never come again (we have a ''new normal'' now) most of the rocks in our garden grow lichen, but a peckish reindeer would find it hard to find a snack just now. Moss gardens suit cooler, wetter climates than ours, and need expert gardeners to tend their neat mossy mounds. No moss garden I have seen, loved and envied looked as if it would survive reindeer feet or munching.
Grass
Forget about grass. Grass is probably the reindeer equivalent of spag bol - okay on a weeknight but no treat. Plus it is a waste of water keeping grass green just now. Both gardens and reindeer need a treat.
And...carrots
Because it has just occurred to me that if you grate the carrot, the reindeer might adore it. Santa might like a touch of salad too, in between all the choc-chip biscuits or Vegemite sandwiches.
It's too late to plant carrots for the reindeer now, but an excellent time for gardeners to scatter carrot seed, mixed with sand so you don't get too many tiny carrots growing in a clump. Grow the purple ones to show off, or the red-fleshed ones with purple skins, but don't bother with the fibrous yellow ones.
Our wombats prefer the long orange kind, the juicer the better. And as long as it is grated, the reindeer probably will as well.
This is the week to:
- Hunt out whatever gorgeous plant the garden centres have chosen to tempt customers this year. One year the ''gift plant of the season'' was ornamental bananas, and ever since I've wished I'd bought one, as I have never seen them for sale since.
- Sit hanging baskets in a tub of water overnight so the moisture soaks in and - hopefully - their soil will no longer repel moisture but let those precious drops soak in.
- Put out carrots for the possums, wild bird mix for the birds, and water for everyone. This is a harsh time for both humans and animals. While I am of the ''only as a treat'' school of wild animal feeding (contrary to appearances, the wombats do not have me entirely trained yet) this is a time to be lavish. If you really want to give your possums something they'll adore, give them a bowl of tabbouleh with a lemon and olive oil dressing, heavy on the chopped parsley. (NB A vet almost certainly will not give this advice, just like a doctor won't put you on a diet of chocolate. But possums deserve a few luxuries too.)
- Pick roses
- Give bunches of roses to as many people as possible
- Look at golden hills while nibbling and drinking something delicious. As I write this there's bushfire near our home, and a hard summer or indeed millennium to come. Luckily humans can manage more than one emotion at a time. When times are harsh we need to find every possible source of happiness, in gardens, book shops, or grandma's kitchen.
