Italy plans to sell off its national treasures; Greece is said to be keen to offload some surplus bits of islands; now the rightwing Crawley-based Thomas Malthus Institute, under its president Stan Muccia, has drawn up a draconian austerity package aimed at wiping out Britain's £800bn national debt. Here are some of its proposals, culled from a new report called A Land Fit for Hedge Fund Managers to Live In (TMI, price £969.99), which has been leaked to G2:
• Sell the Isle of Wight. We estimate a Russian or Uzbek oligarch with an interest in yachting might pay £10bn for it.
• Sell Wales. This country, full of people on incapacity benefit and unproductive sheep farmers who speak a peculiar language, has some lovely mountain scenery and very fine castles and would make a first-rate theme park. £30bn.
• Ditto Scotland. Another £30bn.
• And the very few attractive parts of the north of England (Lake District, Peak District, Northumbria). £15bn.
• Sell the Falklands to Argentina, Gibraltar to Spain, and Pitcairn to anyone who'll take that godforsaken place. Keep Tristan da Cunha as a large open prison. £30bn.
• Withdraw from the EU immediately. £70bn.
• Lease out the royal family. The royals cost the UK taxpayer £40m annually, but making them available for functions globally would raise £10bn a year. A comedy tour in Asia by Prince Philip would generate £250m alone.
• Privatise the armed services, offering them on a mercenary basis to fight small but lengthy wars in distant places that have nothing to do with the UK. £110bn.
• Do not replace Trident. Take out an insurance policy with the Pentagon instead. £90bn.
• Sell the BBC to Rupert Murdoch. £20bn.
• Reduce the school leaving age to 15, halve the numbers going to university and sell off surplus educational establishments to hotel chains: £50bn.
• Privatise the Post Office: £5bn.
• Ditto hospitals, roads, bridges, beaches, waterways and anything else Lady Thatcher forgot. £300bn.
• Sell Lady Thatcher. £500m. Americans adore her, and she could be put on show in Texas as a reminder of what is possible when you have the will.
• This article was amended on 6 July 2010. The original said that Greece was considering selling off islands. This has been corrected.
