If London is the coolest place in the world then the coolest stretch on the globe is the city’s waterways. The Thames has always been a glamorous transport link (think Anne Boleyn hornily tooling up the river to Hampton Court) but these days anyone who is anyone seems to have a patch of water under them, or at least spot of it in their eye-line. In broad strokes: aristos tend toward barges, finance bros like the wharfs, while hipsters and arty types are mad for towpaths. Who are these water babies and what’s the draw?
Baron Guillaume André, property developer and one of the grander of the boatmen says, “I wanted to live like an elegant gypsy. But in London.” His sixty foot canal boat ‘Nightjar’, moored by Westbourne Park Road, is like having “a one bedroom studio in Notting Hill” and is just as deluxe. “Doing it up has been a labour of love”, says Guillaume, having taken the view that any bit of furniture which might have fit into the imaginary Notting Hill studio could be manhandled onto the boat, the result is a smart but comfortable lounge bar.
I wanted to live like an elegant gypsy. But in London
In fact jealous-making interiors are a big thing with the Thames types. Rick Stroud, writer and television director, lives in great style. Their splendid vessel, ‘The Veronica’ (measuring-in at a spanking one thousand square feet) is to be found on Cheyne Wharf in Chelsea, arguably the smartest dock in London, and is beautifully appointed. Despite serious river swells (the Thames can go up by seven meters twice a day) Rick says, “Nothing is tethered down. My wife collects china which is displayed. In fact apart from a couple of marbles which I stick down with Blue-tack very few concessions are made”. And it is true that nothing looks more ornamental or less ocean-going than publisher Alexandra Pringle’s huge collection of Victorian ceramics on display in their London galley.
As far as I can tell boat-folk are united by two great loves: birds and parties. “We can sit twenty around the table for dinner and have had about a hundred for parties”, says Rick. While a neighbour of their’s, girl-about-town and hypnotherapist Laura Trenchard, says, “Lots of things are pretty impromptu. People love coming back to a boat.” On one particularly memorable night ‘The Chelsea Muse’ played host to forty-seven complete strangers, “they were amazed” that she’d agreed to host them, but as she pointed out, “I often end up with strangers anyway. At least I don’t need a taxi home”. But Laura admits her partying is nothing to her eighty year old neighbour, who is renowned for the merriment of her regular ‘Pontoon Parties’.
Birds are the other great preoccupation. Pop-star Sonia Stein, who lives in a canal-side flat in Hoxton, says what makes it “such a lovely place to write and sing” is the combination of people watching, “you can see everyone walking past the window without feeling too close and invasive” with some light twitching, ”we get to watch the drama of the birds from our window, coots nesting in barge’s bumpers”.
On one particularly memorable night, my boat ‘The Chelsea Muse’ played host to forty-seven complete strangers
Though I might not include the wharf living bankers in this generalisation, it is hard to find a water-based person who hasn’t given a name to at least one of their feathered neighbours. But there is one drawback to the birdlife, and that is that they can sound like intruders. Laura says, “I was woken up the other night and I just knew there were men on the boat.” It turned out to be a band of heavy waddling geese. But this does speak to one of the drawbacks of boat life: security. Performance artist Mo Buckley, (who paddles everywhere because the engine of the boat she inherited from a guy she met on a towpath was made in 1942), has taken to tying-up alongside other boats after a man clambered aboard earlier in the year. “I think he was actually trying to get to another boat,” says Mo. “It was scary though, because although I can lock my door, the ceiling of my bedroom lifts up”. These days her boat, Nemo, is tethered to a woman who owns a wolf.
The other factor that can make water-life not all plain sailing is a certain lack of legal security. Ten years ago security advisor Mowbray Jackson (pet duck by the name of Princess) was forced from his Battersea based boat with a compulsory order from Thames Water. Thankfully it didn’t turn out too badly, “Because she had three bedrooms and river views that was what they had to match it with”. Ten years later he is still waving at ducks from the riverside flat they have put him up in in Pimlico. Rick Stroud has a very real threat on his hands though, with monstrous plans afoot to drive him and his neighbours off their wharf. Threatening taxes of up to £500,000 it is thought that the Chelsea Yacht and Boat Company Ltd is planning to turn their patch into the river into a dock for multi-story super-barges. For the long-term residents, terra firma is a terrifying prospect.
Although Baron Guillaume André’s admits that his boat has seen its fair share of amorous action, he says that he was recently on a date with a girl who left abruptly, after saying firmly, “I DO NOT DATE MEN WHO LIVE ON BARGES”. What a fool she was. There is nowhere better to be this summer. London’s waves rule.
