West Ham 1-1 Stoke
Manchester City 1-1 Middlesbrough
Burnley 3-2 Crystal Palace
Bournemouth 1-2 Sunderland
That’s about it for today’s Clockwatch. There was late drama in the Premier League, but not so much in the FA Cup. Chelsea play Everton in the late game, which you can follow with Niall McVeigh. Bye!
Full time: West Ham 1-1 Stoke City
Updated
Full time: Manchester City 1-1 Middlesbrough
That’s a third consecutive 1-1 draw at home in the Premier League for City.
Updated
FA Cup Macclesfield have won 1-0 Walsall, the shock of the round so far. And Sutton now lead 6-3 at Dartford.
MK Dons have held off Spennymoor Town’s comeback, winning 3-2 in their FA Cup tie.
Full time: Burnley 3-2 Crystal Palace
Another brilliant home win for Burnley, who move into the top half of the table.
Andros Townsend has hit the post for Crystal Palace, who trail 3-2 at Burnley.
Full time: Bournemouth 1-2 Sunderland
It’s all over at Dean Court: Sunderland have won their first match of the season! Victor Anichebe looks utterly shattered; he’s had a stormer. That 947-mile trip home will be very, very sweet for Sunderland’s fans tonight.
GOALS! Manchester City 1-1 Middlesbrough (De Roon 90); Burnley 3-2 Crystal Palace (Barnes 90)
Now that’s what I call late drama.
Updated
Leeds have gone back in front at Carrow Road! Ronaldo Vieira has slammed in from range to make it 3-2.
Championship news Kyle Lafferty has made it Norwich 2-2 Leeds. It’s now Nottingham Forest 1-1 QPR, Sheffield Wednesday 1-2 Ipswich and I can’t keep up with all this.
“In Spain: Carlos Vela has tumbled over in the box - penalty - William Jose scores; Real Sociedad 2 up against Atlético,” reports Charles Antaki. “Simeone has on a very unhappy expression.”
Braintree are the big winners of the FA Cup first round: they have tonked Eastbourne Borough 7-0
Jordan Pickford has made an “unbelievable Jeff save”, to use Paul Merson’s description, from Josh King to keep Sunderland ahead at Bournemouth.
Updated
Spennymoor Town, who were 3-0 down and facing a doing after 15 minutes at MK Dons, have pulled it back to 3-2.
Updated
Romance is over department Curzon Ashton have equalised against Westfields, the lowest-ranked side still in the FA Cup.
internet problems
— Westfields FC (@Westfieldsfc1) November 5, 2016
GOAL! Burnley 2-2 Crystal Palace (Benteke 81 pen)
Crystal Palace came from 2-0 to win at Sunderland earlier in the season, and they are the likeliest winners at Turf Moor after a storming comeback.
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Just to lighten the mood at West Ham, Joe Allen should pay homage to this.
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GOAL! West Ham 1-1 Stoke (Bojan 75)
Bad news for the Old Bill: Stoke have equalised at the London Stadium after a mistake from the West Ham keeper Adrian.
Updated
I may or may not have completely forgotten about the La Liga match we promised to cover, but the score is Real Sociedad 1-0 Atletico Madrid.
Updated
Goals galore at the top of the Championship: Leeds lead Norwich 2-1, Birmingham have equalised at Huddersfield, and Cardiff have pulled one back at Newcastle. The score there is 2-1.
Updated
When we write the Joy of Six: FA Cup first-round matches, this one might be in the list: Roarie Deacon’s goal means it’s now Dartford 3-5 Sutton.
Updated
Third-placed Huddersfield have taken the lead against Birmingham. Elias Kachunga scored the goal. A win would put them level on points with second-placed Brighton, who play later.
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GOAL! Bournemouth 1-2 Sunderland (Defoe 74 pen)
Sunderland may be about to win their first Premier League match of the season. Victor Anichebe was brought down by Adam Smith, and Jermain Defoe rammed the penalty straight down the middle.
Updated
Jonathan Kodjia’s second goal has given Villa the lead against Blackburn.
Updated
GOAL! West Ham 1-0 Stoke (Antonio 65)
Michail Antonio scores yet another goal with his noggin to give West Ham the lead against in-form Joe Allen.
Updated
Bournemouth are battering 10-man Sunderland, though it remains 1-1.
Celtic remain on course to clinch the title by Christmas: Leigh Griffiths has put them 2-0 up against Inverness Caley.
Updated
“It’s being reported up here that Motherwell were denied a first-half goal at Dens that was at least a yard over the line,” says Simon McMahon, up there in Scotland. “They currently trail 1-0. It’s ok, though. The SPFL are apparently thinking of introducing goal line technology in time for the start of the 2099-2100 season.”
Yann Kermogant’s penalty has put Reading 3-0 up at Wigan, and Sutton lead 4-3 at Dartford in the FA Cup.
The latest Premier League scores
Bournemouth 1-1 Sunderland
Burnley 2-1 Crystal Palace
Manchester City 1-0 Middlesbrough
West Ham 0-0 Stoke
Junior Stanislas has hit the post for Bournemouth against Sunderland, and Middlesbrough are giving Manchester City some unexpected problems at the Etihad.
GOAL! Burnley 2-1 Crystal Palace (Wickham 60)
The substitute Connor Wickham scores with his first touch to bring Palace back into the game.
Updated
Leeds have equalised against Norwich at Carrow Road, and it’s Aston Villa 1-1 Blackburn.
Sunderland are down to 10 men at Bournemouth. Steven Pienaar has been given a second yellow card for this or that. That’s a blow to Sunderland, who had been playing very well and will now probably lose 4-1.
Gareth Evans does Matt Loten a solid, equalising for Portsmouth at home to Wycombe.
Alvaro Negredo has almost scored from the halfway line against his old club Manchester City. You can read all about it here.
Updated
And it’s Celtic 1-0 Inverness CT (Sinclair)
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“East Kilbride watch out,” says Simon McMahon. “Dundee United on course for their fourth win on the trot as they lead Queen of the South 2-1 at half time. Elsewhere it’s Ayr 0 Hibs 1, Berwick 1 Cowdenbeath 0 and East Kilbride 1 BSC Glasgow 0.”
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“As research into the plight of Koreans resident in Japan in the postwar period is currently demanding all of my attention, and preventing my usual Saturday afternoon ritual of consuming every football result under the sun, I would very much appreciate it if you could keep excitement in today’s matches to a minimum,” write Matt Loten. “As well as, if possible, deliver some good news about my beloved Portsmouth on FA Cup First Round day. Ta!”
Erm, they’re 1-0 down at home to Wycombe. But they won it in 2008!
“Shawcross seems such a great defender,” writes Phil Podolsky. “I wonder if the fact he hasn’t been poached by a Champions League club has something to do with that Ramsey thing clouding his reputation or are his attributes an anachronism at the highest level.”
The Ramsey thing is definitely a factor. He’s certainly good enough for Manchester United, and maybe one of the Champions League clubs.
Half-time reading
Clockwatch shockwatch
Some notable FA Cup scores:
Westfields 1-0 Curzon Ashton
Walsall 0-1 Macclesfield
Gillingham 2-2 Brackley Town (Nouble scored his second for Gillingham on the stroke of half-time)
Updated
These are the half-time scores in the Premier League
Bournemouth 1-1 Sunderland
Burnley 2-0 Crystal Palace
Manchester City 1-0 Middlesbrough
West Ham 0-0 Stoke
Newcastle have doubled their lead at home to Cardiff. Yoan Gouffran is the man troubling the scorers.
Updated
GOAL! Manchester City 1-0 Middlesbrough (Aguero 43)
Inevitability latest: Manchester City have taken the lead at the Etihad.
Updated
In the FA Cup, Shaquile Coulthirst has given Peterborough the lead at home to Chesham United and reaffirmed that the days of footballers having names like Reg Ryan and Les Smith are long gone.
“Hi Rob, thoroughly enjoying a relaxing Saturday afternoon after seeing the mighty Rams win at lunchtime,” says Rich Oldbury. “Did you see Darren Bent’s goal? Cracker.”
I have now. Bloody hell, that’s a storming goal.
It’s still 0-0 at the Etihad Stadium, but Middlesbrough are being made to eat more and more dirt. Victor Valdes has just made a fine save from David Silva.
GOAL! Bournemouth 1-1 Sunderland (Anichebe 33)
Victor Anichebe continues the Everton 2009 theme at the Vitality Stadium, equalising for Sunderland after Dan Gosling’s earlier goal. It was a fierce finish and a deserved equaliser, it says here.
Updated
Talking of Gillingham in the FA Cup...
Scratch that: Frank Nouble has scored for Gillingham, who thus trail 2-1.
This could be the shock of the day: Brackley Town now lead 2-0 at Gillingham, with James Armson getting the second. Peter Crouch will be happy.
“In the Austrian Bundesliga, Sturm Graz are trailing St. Pölten 1:2 at home in the Merkur Arena, formerly known as Arnold Schwarzenegger Stadion,” says Peter Oh. I miss Sturm Graz.
Norwich have taken the lead against the run of play against Leeds, with Robbie Brady the scorer.
The game of the FA Cup first round is at Princes Park: after 23 minutes, it’s Dartford 2-3 Sutton.
The latest Premier League scores
Bournemouth 1-0 Sunderland
Burnley 2-0 Crystal Palace
Manchester City 0-0 Middlesbrough
West Ham 0-0 Stoke
Middlesbrough are doing well at the Etihad, where it remains 0-0. You can follow that match here.
Itchy bowel time > Squeaky bum time
Blackburn and Glover pass to eachother, giving fans temporary itchy bowels in the process. The nerves!
— Westfields FC (@Westfieldsfc1) November 5, 2016
Spennymoor Town have got one back at Stadium MK, so it’s now 3-1.
“Re: Kevin Porter’s question,” begins Dave Hill. “As a Leeds United supporter living in Southern California, this happens all the time. Either start on the drinks, or make a list of teams you really don’t want to win and start supporting the teams playing them.”
NB: The Guardian does not not condone drinking industrial quantities of Defeat Eraser on a Saturday afternoon.
Romance is back: Brackley Town lead at Gillingham. But Spennymoor Town are taking one hell of a beating at MK Dons. They trail 3-0 after 14 minutes.
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GOAL! Burnley 2-0 Crystal Palace (Gudmundsson 13)
After Tom Heaton’s latest great save, Burnley break and double their lead through Johann Gudmundsson.
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“Anyone got any tips for how to enjoy the rest of your footballing weekend when your team has already lost at home before three o’clock Saturday has even arrived?” asks Wolves fan Kevin Porter.
I can answer this one: follow the Westfields FC Twitter feed.
Throw a piece of bacon at your Mum, it's a GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! pic.twitter.com/nbG3fgRHxh
— Westfields FC (@Westfieldsfc1) November 5, 2016
Curzon were breaking in, defence pokey poke it away. Corner to the away siode.
— Westfields FC (@Westfieldsfc1) November 5, 2016
GOAL! Bournemouth 1-0 Sunderland (Gosling 11)
In a surprising development, Sunderland AFC are losing a football match. Dan Gosling, who used to play for David Moyes at Everton, chests Bournemouth ahead at the end of an excellent move. Quite why Eddie Howe isn’t nailed on to be England manager for the next decade, I don’t know.
Updated
Romance is dead: MK Dons lead Spennymoor Town through Ben Reeves.
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Romance is in the air: Westfields, the lowest-ranked side left in the FA Cup, lead Curzon Ashton through a Craig Jones penalty.
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Choose football.
Apropos nothing, just look at this pass.
Crikey, it’s already Wigan 0-2 Reading, with both goals coming from Garath McCleary. Jaap Stam is doing a fine job there.
Updated
Some early goals at the top of the Championship: Garath McLeary has given Reading the lead at Wigan, and Newcastle are 1-0 up at home to Cardiff thanks to Christian Atsu.
GOAL! Burnley 1-0 Crystal Palace (Vokes 2)
Sam Vokes, of Euro 2016 fame, gives Burnley an early lead at Turf Moor. Jeff Stelling informs me that the last time Burnley scored the first goal and lost was in January 2015 - against Crystal Palace.
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The early games Derby won 3-2 at Wolves in the Championship, and Merstham were defiled 5-0 by Oxford in the FA Cup.
In other news, have you seen this story about a man stealing a poppy charity box from McDonald’s? You do have to wonder what the world is coming to when even common criminals can’t go about their business without being internet shamed.
If you want some old-fashioned MBM action, Tim Hill is watching Manchester City v Middlesbrough on your behalf.
“Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “After reading that 1983-84 FA Cup first round blog, I’ve developed a sudden urge to dance to electro-pop like a robot. Care to join me? Anyway, Scotland’s game of the day is Queen of the South v Dundee United. Nuff said. And if you’re looking for romance, how about the Fife derby at Dunfermline where Raith Rovers are the visitors, or Berwick v Cowdenbeath and Montrose v Edinburgh City in Scottish League Two.”
“Fear not, Rob – I read that far down,” says Jonathon Moloney. “I even clicked on your St. Polten link. I am on a train and therefore a captive audience, but still.”
We’re all winners here.
An email! “I’m not sure if this is of any interest to you,” says Steven Pye, knowing full well I crave old blogs about the first round of the 1983/84 FA Cup, “but here is an old blog of mine on the 1983/84 FA Cup first round.”
Premier League team news
Bournemouth v Sunderland
Bournemouth (4-2-3-1) Boruc; Smith, Cook, Francis, Daniels; Gosling, Arter; Stanislas, Wilshere, Ibe; King.
Sunderland (4-4-2) Pickford; Jones, Kone, Djilobodji, van Aanholt; Pienaar, McNair, Ndong, Watmore; Anichebe, Defoe.
Burnley v Crystal Palace
Burnley (4-2-3-1) Heaton; Lowton, Keane, Mee, Flanagan; Defour, Marney; Arfield, Hendrick, Gudmundsson; Vokes.
Crystal Palace (4-2-3-1) Mandanda; Ward, Dann, Delaney, Kelly; McArthur, Cabaye; Townsend, Puncheon, Zaha; Benteke.
Manchester City v Middlesbrough
Manchester City (11) Bravo; Zabaleta, Stones, Kolarov, Clichy; Fernandinho, Gundogan; Navas, De Bruyne, Silva; Aguero.
Middlesbrough (4-5-1) Valdes; Barragan, Chambers, Gibson, Friend; Traore, de Roon, Clayton, Forshaw, Downing; Negredo.
West Ham v Stoke
West Ham (3-4-3) Adrian; Kouyate, Collins, Ogbonna; Antonio, Noble, Obiang, Cresswell; Lanzini, Ayew, Payet.
Stoke (4-2-3-1) Grant; Bardsley, Shawcross, Martins Indi, Pieters; Whelan, Adam; Walters, Allen, Sobhi; Bony.
Preamble
Hello and welcome to live, unexclusive coverage of today’s bumper football programme. We’ll be watching the clock and clocking the watch so that we can log off the moment our shift ends and not a second later keep abreast of today’s action.
I say ‘we’; it’s actually just me, myself and my nervous breakdown as I try to keep abreast of over 40 matches in the Premier League, Championship, FA Cup, Scottish Premiership and La Liga. You can also follow live coverage of SK Puntigamer Sturm Graz v SKN St. Polten in the Austrian T-Mobile Bundesliga by clicking here.
A full list of today’s fixtures can be found here. For those of regard clicking a link as an unnecessary inconvenience in the year 2016, here are some of the matches to look out for:
Updated
Premier League
Bournemouth v Sunderland
Burnley v Crystal Palace
Manchester City v Middlesbrough
West Ham v Stoke v the police
Scottish Premier League
Celtic v Inverness CT
Dundee v Motherwell
Hearts v St Johnstone
Kilmarnock v Hamilton
Championship
Aston Villa v Blackburn
Huddersfield v Birmingham
Newcastle v Cardiff
Norwich v Leeds
Wigan v Reading
FA Cup
MK Dons v Spennymoor Town
Peterborough v Chesham United
Westfields v Curzon Ashton
Whitehawk v Stourbridge
La Liga
Real Sociedad v Atletico Madrid
Youha v en’tbotheredreadingthisfardownhaveyou
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