Bye!
And with that, I must leave you. It’s been a thrill. Thanks for your most wonderful company. Bye! Keep a look out for James Riach’s match report, which will be with you imminently. Here, to keep you entertained in the meantime, is a report of Fulham’s shoot-out victory at Wolves. Bye!
Football's the winner tonight, etc
That was an extremely fine cup tie. Really very marvellous. It had it all – fine goals, terrible defending, 20 penalties, red cards, amazing, thrilling, constantly entertaining.
Adrian scores! West Ham win 9-8 on penalties!
Adrian places the ball on the spot. He retreats to the start of his run-up. He pulls off his gloves and throws them to the turf. He won’t be needing them again tonight. And then he sends Robles one way, and the ball the other!
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Robles misses! West Ham 2-2 Everton (8-8 pens)
Everton’s keeper has a lazy, slow run-up and then thunders a shot that is neither lazy nor slow against the bar! Now can West Ham’s keeper win this?
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Jenkinson scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (8-8 pens)
Whoosh! That flies high into the roof of the net, six inches away from slamming into the bar and ending the tie!
Coleman scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (7-8 pens)
That’s a fine, confident penalty. Why’s he the eighth choice?
Amalfitano scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (7-7 pens)
Is this going to end at some point? I’m not really sure.
Jagielka scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (6-7 pens)
Very calmly done that, with the keeper going to his right and ball going to his left.
Valencia scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (6-6 pens)
Nice penalty, that, with Robles again guessing wrong but probably helpless anyhow.
Stones scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (5-6 pens)
No Panenka this time! Instead Stones hits low to his left, Adrian guesses right and gets a strong hand to it, but can’t keep it out.
Cole scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (5-5 pens)
And he does! Robles dives to his right and the ball whizzes past his left shoulder.
Barry scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (4-5 pens)
Barry converts, and now Carlton Cole has to score …
SAVED! West Ham 2-2 Everton (4-4 pens)
Another low, central penalty, and this one Robles saves.
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Oviedo scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (4-4 pens)
Another one goes in, and Downing has a penalty to win this.
Cresswell scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (4-3 pens)
Not a good penalty, weak, low and down the middle, but Robles again dives out of the way.
Baines scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (3-3 pens)
This is very nearly saved too! Adrian gets a hand to it, but it’s not enough.
Carroll scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (3-2 pens)
Again the keeper goes the wrong way, and Carroll hits to his left into the corner.
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Lukaku scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (2-2 pens)
Lukaku’s penalty is brilliantly cool, rolling slowly into the corner of the net with the keeper nowhere.
Nolan scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (2-1 pens)
Nolan calmly puts his side into the lead…
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Naismith's shot is SAVED! West Ham 2-2 Everton (1-1 pens)
Naismith hits high, hard, and towards the corner. Probably the best penalty yet, but the keeper goes the right way and it’s the first to be saved.
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Noble scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (1-1 pens)
Robles dives early, and Noble sidefoots the ball down the middle of the empty side of goal.
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Mirallas scores! West Ham 2-2 Everton (0-1 pens)
Mirallas cracks it low and down the middle, and Adrian dives out the way.
Robles is probably the man of the match already, but the next few minutes could make it absolutely certain. Everton to go first.
PENALTIES: It looks like Nolan, Downing, Noble, Cresswell and Carroll are our chosen five... [2-2] #WHUEVE
— West Ham United FC (@whufc_official) January 13, 2015
What, no Valencia?
Look out for the John Stones Panenka here:
Final score: West Ham 2-2 Everton. It's penalties!
120+2 mins: With Everton desperately trying to make a substitution before it’s too late, the referee calls a halt to proceedings, and this breathless, compelling match is over!
120+1 mins: One more chance to win this, and it’s missed! Amalfitano releases Valencia, cutting into the penalty area from the right. It would have taken a very fine shot to score but he doesn’t even attempt one, instead attempting – and failing – to tee up Cole.
120 mins: Fight! Nearly! Between team-mates! Noble and Tomkins argue with each other as the corner comes to nothing, and Robles is booked for taking too much time over his goal kick.
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120 mins: Another fine save from Robles! Cole finds Amalfitano on the right side of the penalty area and he, from 15 yards, lashes the ball towards the top corner, but it’s saved.
118 mins: Ooooooooh! What a chance to win it for Everton! Lukaku picks up the ball 25 yards out, runs round a West Ham defence that seems to have lost its legs and into the area, but then drags his shot across goal!
117 mins: Nobody’s settling for penalties yet, Everton committing four men to an attack which is finally foiled by Nolan, West Ham running down the other end and Valencia’s pull-back finding a defender.
116 mins: Ooooh! Carroll wins the header, which hits Jagielka’s head and flies only just wide!
115 mins: Can there be more drama here? Other than the obvious drama of penalties, obviously. West Ham have another corner, this one won by Nolan.
GOAL! West Ham 2-2 Everton (Cole, 113 mins)
And West Ham equalise from it! The ball is curled beyond the far post, where Tomkins heads back into the middle, and Cole prods home from three yards, with what might well have been his first touch.
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112 mins: Valencia does well to win a corner when he seemed to have overhit the ball …
111 mins: West Ham haven’t done anything much in the last six minutes, and it’s all enough to convince Sam Allardyce to take off a defender – Collins – and bring on a striker – Carlton Cole.
109 mins: Valencia attempts a shot, but it flies wide for a goal kick. “Champions League and International extra time is always so naff,” complains Gregory Dyche. “This, on the other hand, is great. I miss Howard in the same way that I miss mashed potato, but I’m glad to have a break from him, like I am glad to have a break from mashed potato.” So you don’t miss Howard, or mashed potato?
107 mins: Mirallas, running into the penalty area, goes over Tomkins’ leg. The referee, on the advice of his assistant, gives a free kick. It a) wasn’t a foul, and b) was in the penalty area.
Peeeeeeeeeep!
106 mins: Everton take the day’s seventh kick-off. Will it be the last?
Meanwhile in Wolverhampton, where it’s Wolves 2-2 Fulham:
Half time in extra time: West Ham 1-2 Everton
105+1 mins: The referee calls an end to the third half of the night.
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105+1 mins: Jenkinson slams in a fierce cross from the right, which hits Baines in the head. More pain for the lad.
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105 mins: The ball goes out for a goal kick, which Robles is in absolutely no hurry over whatsoever.
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103 mins: Baines, having been steamrollered by Carroll on multiple occasions, is pushed off the pitch by Amalfitano, skids over some gravely stuff and flies into a plastic stool. He’ll have some bruises this evening.
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100 mins: Mirallas gets the ball on the half-way line and heads forward, torturing the entire defence repeatedly, until he’s within touching distance of the penalty area, when Carroll arrives to dispossess him.
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GOAL! West Ham 1-2 Everton (Lukaku, 97 mins)
He didn’t miss that one! Mirallas carries the ball down the left, checks back infield, changes his mind, heads back to the byline and slides the ball to Lukaku, loitering at the near post, who prods it over the line!
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97 mins: Oooooh! A ball intended for the offside Lukaku falls instead for Naismith, and a few moments later Lukaku – now onside – is presented with the ball, via a helpful deflection off a defender, and the goal at his mercy, but misses his kick!
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95 mins: Lukaku releases Robles on the left, but after a moment of excitement as he appears ready to sprint clear, we realise he’s actually offside.
92 mins: Noble’s 25-yard shot flies straight at Robles, who pushes the ball back into the danger area, where Carroll gets a bit excited, tries to control with his hand and concedes a free-kick.
Peeeeeeeep!
91 mins: Short breather over, the referee gets things started yet again.
The winner of this tie will play Bristol City, 2-0 winners over Doncaster tonight.
End of normal time: West Ham 1-1 Everton
90+5 mins: Crikey. It’s been manic, wildly helter-skelter stuff, and there’s still no separating these teams. Another half-hour please, guv’nor!
90+3 mins: Nothing much has happened for about 20 seconds, which makes it the most prolonged period of dull mediocrity for half an hour or so. Then Downing crosses, and Carroll totally ignores Jagielka’s existence in his efforts to win the ball, but the referee thinks he probably should have borne it in mind. Free-kick.
90+2 mins: Amalfitano tries to release Valencia, but Jagielka outpaces him and pumps the ball out for a corner. “Does Andy Carroll have a ‘good touch for a big man’?” wonders Dante Danger. “And, is there a relationship such that the bigger you are, the worse your touch should be? If so, does Barry have a terrible touch for someone small”
90+1 mins: There will be at least four minutes of stoppage time here. That was a lovely attempt from Nolan, hooking the ball over his left shoulder and towards the far corner, and an excellent save to keep it out.
89 mins: A pull-back rolls a fraction behind Carroll, and then there’s a cross that Carroll only just misses, a Nolan shot charged down, and finally a Nolan effort tipped over the bar! Those were 20 insane seconds right there.
88 mins: Noble tries a cheeky near-poster, but it’s saved! And then Downing crosses and Valencia has a lovely chance, eight yards out, but he heads at the keeper.
87 mins: Valencia crosses from the left and Stones blocks with his arm, on the edge of the penalty area. Penalty! Scream the West Ham players. Free-kick! Says the referee.
86 mins: From 35 yards, Cresswell shoots high. Extra time is looming here, though there’ll be a few chances in the next few minutes, I expect.
85 mins: Gareth Barry gets in Carroll’s way and is booked for it. He didn’t seem to do much wrong there, really.
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83 mins: You’ve got to love a cheeky near-post free-kick goal. West Ham fans might disagree, of course, but still …
GOAL! West Ham 1-1 Everton (Mirallas, 82 mins)
The ball is placed near the left-hand corner of the area, perfect for a cross, it seems. But Mirallas doesn’t cross, and instead curls the ball in at the near post!
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81 mins: Collins is in the thick of the action at both ends. Another direct pass towards Lukaku, and as the Belgian waits for the ball Collins tries to pull his short off him. Dangerous free-kick!
80 mins: SUPER SAVE! Now it’s all happening. West Ham win a corner, Collins wins it and his header looks bound for the top corner until Robles sticks out a hand to turn it over. Moments later Downing spears the ball into the area, Collins wins the header again but this time the ball goes wide.
78 mins: INCREDIBLE MISS/BLOCK/SOMETHING! Everton hit the ball long and Collins reaches it first, but Lukaku leaps across his path to block the clearance and then crosses low to Mirallas who has no goalkeeper to beat, six yards out. It looks a certain goal, until Tomkins stretches out his left leg to block the ball!
78 mins: Mirallas gets booked for clipping Tomkins’ ankles.
77 mins: Cresswell hits the ball deep and early towards Carroll, who heads a difficult chance a yard over the bar, and knocked Baines out of the way to do it.
74 mins: Everton create a bit of panic in the home penalty area, with the ball getting pumped up towards Lukaku before a clearance hits Mirallas in the arse and rebounds to Naismith, who tries to work a shooting chance but runs out of pitch.
72 mins: Nolan gets his customary yellow card by attempting a truly idiotically late challenge on Jagielka with the ball absolutely miles away.
70 mins: Carroll’s been in full battering-ram mode tonight, a nightmare to play against, but he gets Carrolled here when the ball is hoisted into the penalty area and he seemed all set to win it until Robles arrived, punched the ball clear of dangers and flew straight through Carroll in the process.
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69 mins: Downing’s pull-back trundles just behind Carroll as West Ham threaten again. And then they make another substitution, with Amalfitano replacing Jarvis for West Ham.
67 mins: Everton make a double substitution, Besic and Barkley coming off and Oviedo and Mirallas coming on.
66 mins: Cresswell now carries the ball 20 yards to the edge of the penalty area and then ignores the unmarked Downing at the far post to slam a shot across goal and wide.
65 mins: Carroll fouls Lukaku, and if Everton are to wrestle their way back into this game set pieces now seem the most likely route. Not this time, though, as Baines’ delivery is headed clear.
63 mins: Everton keep the ball for a while, before Besic eventually decides to attempt a moderately ambitious pass and gives it away.
61 mins: A substitution! Song’s night is over, and Nolan replaces him.
60 mins: Collins pumps the ball upfield and Carroll runs 20 yards to win it cleanly. Poor Leighton Baines, who would have headed it clear had Carroll not bothered, is instead steamrollered, and requires treatment.
58 mins: Song discovers his passing boots, sliding the ball along the ground into the six-yard box from deep on the right, and Collins only just fails to get on the end of it.
McGeady is sent off! Everton down to 10 men!
Only one players has been booked in this game, and he’s done it twice. He slides in to tackle Noble but the West Ham midfielder reaches the ball first, goes flying over McGeady’s suddenly-arrived legs and that is a booking every day of the week.
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55 mins: Lukaku cuts in from the right and slams a left-footed powerzinger straight at Adrian from 20 yards.
GOAL! West Ham 1-0 Everton (Valencia, 51 mins)
West Ham break, and that’s a horribly simple goal to concede. A 30-yard pass along the ground from just outside the penalty area to Carroll on the half-way line, a 30-yard pass along the ground to Valencia, running from left to right, who turns the ball across goal and past Robles. No pressure on the ball at any stage.
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50 mins: West Ham have the ball in a promising situation, but Downing takes and age to pass to Carroll, who takes an age to do anything very much, and then his lay-off is intercepted.
49 mins: West Ham win a corner, which Carroll knocks down and Collins takes a touch, swivels and half-volleys high and wide. If only it had been Collins with the knock-down, that might have ended differently.
47 mins: Barkley one-twos with Lukaku and bursts into the penalty area, where Jarvis gets in his way and shepherds the ball out of play.
Peeeeeeeeep!
46 mins: West Ham start half two, and about two seconds later the ball is pumped long towards Carroll. There wasn’t very much of that in half one, but could that be a change of emphasis?
The players are trotting back out. Incidentally, in the battle to face the winner of this game in round four, Jay Emmanuel-Thomas’s 36th-minute goal means Bristol City lead Doncaster 1-0.
Win, loss, tomayto, tomahto.
@Simon_Burnton Contradictory to what Clive Allen says, these two teams look like they're going for the loss. Shame.
— Rye Bails (@RyeBread_311) January 13, 2015
Half time: West Ham 0-0 Everton
45+2 mins: The referee blows his whistle and that is the end of half one. It’s been helter-skelter, high-octane, thrill-a-minute, error-riddled stuff. Quite fun, in short.
45+1 mins: We’re into stoppage time, of which there will be only one minute. Probably.
44 mins: Ooooh! Naismith slides the ball inside to McGeady, who diverts it just wide of the near post! Turns out he was offside, though.
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42 mins: Naismith wins his side a corner, from which Stones has a header on goal that a) was saved and b) would have been disallowed anyway because he was basically sitting on the shoulders of a defender when he headed it.
40 mins: McGeady has become the game’s first bookee, after bringing down Jarvis (though it could have been a case of persistent foul play).
38 mins: The ball has spent the last couple of minutes on and around the half-way line, the most prolonged spell of not-manic-attacking so far.
@Simon_Burnton Clive Allen on Five Live earlier informed us that it was "...refreshing to see both sides going for the win." It's a replay
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) January 13, 2015
34 mins: Another chance for West Ham! Valencia steals the ball in his own half and plays it right to Downing, who brings it to the edge of the area and sends it across goal into the path of Song 15 yards out, whose shot hits Valencia and rebounds to safety. It could have been going in, might have been a bit high. Hard to tell.
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30 mins: Downing finds space outside the penalty area, but his right-foot shot skids a yard wide of the near post.
28 mins: West Ham break in numbers, the crowd noise swells, but then Downing lets the ball run across his body, forcing him to check back, and the momentum is gone. Moments later possession goes with it, when Jenkinson’s overhit through-ball goes straight out of play.
25 mins: The number of defensive near-calamities here has been ludicrous. Now Coleman intercepts Song’s through-ball but gives it straight back to Cresswell. Had the pitch been half a yard longer he’d have been in real trouble, but instead the ball rolls out of play.
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22 mins: More defensive mayhem, with Naismith again pickpocketing a West Ham defender who should have known better, but Collins excelling to bail his side out.
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19 mins: Everton toss a free-kick into the area, where Jagielka does brilliantly well to head back across goal, and the ball is cleared for a corner. That’s played to McGeady, whose shot from the edge of the area looked pretty decent until Carroll got in its way.
16 mins: West Ham win a free-kick, 40 yards out, and get all the big lads forward in preparation for a full-on assault on the penalty area. Noble decides not to assault the penalty area.
15 mins: McGeady cuts in from the right and shoots, low and left-footed, from 20-odd yards, but it rumbles wide.
13 mins: And moments later Lukaku’s played through by Barry, but he’s offside! Breathless stuff.
12 mins: Ooooooooh! West Ham miss a sitter! Stones catches a severe case of AlexSongitis and is dispossessed by Valencia five yards outside his penalty area. The forward then skips into the penalty area but his shot is deflected into the air by Robles, and then Carroll heads against the bar from an offside position.
11 mins: Song gives it away again, to McGeady this time, but once again Everton fail to fully capitalise. The visitors have certainly had the better of the last five minutes, with Song perhaps their man of the match so far.
9 mins: Song is dispossessed again in a dangerous area, Naismith picking the ball off his toes. Again, nothing much comes of it, but Song needs to wake up and sharpish.
7 mins: Everton attack, Song intercepts, dwells on the ball on the edge of his area for a while, and then gives it away. A quick one-two with Lukaku later, Naismith comes very close to running clear.
6 mins: A promising start to this game, with West Ham making a couple of threatening forays down the left flank – neither cross found a purple-clad head – and Everton clearly not content to just sit back either.
4 mins: West Ham, meanwhile, are wearing purple. It’s quite a nice purple shirt, but it certainly isn’t claret. It’s their third kit, also known as their FA Cup kit – they would have worn it at Goodison Park, but it would have clashed with Everton’s blue.
3 mins: McGeady has so much space on the right flank that he gets a bit confused and doesn’t do anything at all, and a few moments later the move quietly ends with a goal kick.
2 mins: A nice little run from Valencia is too good for a couple of Everton defenders, but not for the third.
Peeeeeeeep!
1 min: The game has kicked off, with Everton, clad in white shirts and socks and black, or at least very dark shorts, doing the honours.
And they are out, they have shaken hands and tossed coins and everything, and there is now nothing between us and football except a short song about bubbles.
The players are in the tunnel. Deep breath. Stay calm.
And so, now, has Roberto Martinez.
[Lukaku’s goal at Goodison Park] felt like a turning point. Since that moment I think we’ve felt a real good energy in the squad. Sometimes you get a moment that, rewards arrive and it can really turn your season. From that we’re looking forward to this replay. When you play against West Ham you know you’ve got to be strong physically, and ready for those moments at dead ball situations. But we always play well at Upton Park, we know each other really well, it’s a game that we’re really looking forward to.
Sam Allardyce has been chatting to the folk at BT Sport.
We’ve got to try to finish the job tonight. A difficult job it will be. We’re only missing Winston Reid who picked up an injury at Swansea. Andy Carroll gives us a target to spring off, and see if we can cause them problems like we did at their place. Somebody’s got to win tonight, got to get through. We’re playing at home, let’s try to see if we can get in the opposition box and put the ball in the back of the net.
Someone has leant a match programme against a goalpost and then taken a photograph of it. Which is the kind of event we simply can’t leave unmarked.
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West Ham bring in Matt Jarvis and Alex Song and leave out Winston Reid and Kevin Nolan, and give up on the three-at-the-back experiment they toyed with at Swansea. Everton keep faith with the side that started against Manchester City.
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The teams
The team sheets are in, and the names they had on them were these:
West Ham: Adrian, Jenkinson, Tomkins, Collins, Cresswell, Noble, Song, Downing, Valencia, Carroll, Jarvis. Subs: Nolan, Vaz Te, O’Brien, Amalfitano, Jaaskelainen, Cole, Burke.
Everton: Robles, Coleman, Jagielka, Stones, Baines, Besic, Barry, McGeady, Naismith, Barkley, Lukaku. Subs: Oviedo, Kone, Mirallas, Garbutt, Alcaraz, McAleny, Griffiths.
Referee: Neil Swarbrick.
We’re becoming a much more creative side but our defensive weaknesses have been exploited too much. In order to win football games you need to make sure you’re strong enough in both departments.
Sam Allardyce there, showing the kind of tactical nous which has kept him at the top of the game all these years.
Draws are an emotionally tricky result in terms of how you feel about them.
Roberto Martínez there, with a quote that looks a bit silly if it’s taken totally out of context by some snide southern-based journalist but was actually not entirely senseless, what with the first meeting of these sides in this year’s FA Cup ending with Romelu Lukaku knocking in an equaliser 49 seconds into stoppage time, the result thusly tasting sweet to some and bitter to others. “It’s still only a draw but when you are the team that gets the equaliser late in the game, it can feel like a victory,” he continued. “In the same way, when you concede late on, it can feel like a defeat. We’re pleased we have a replay to play.” You see.
As far as Allardyce’s complaint goes, if it is surprising that last year’s clean-sheet guzzlers have become so averse to the things, it is a development that neutrals must relish. Here’s to more wobbly defending, outstanding attacking and last-minute drama tonight – the only slow-paced, dreary safety dance I’m interested in is this one:
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