Full time: West Ham 1-4 Liverpool
Peep peep! That was a hideous 90 minutes for West Ham, who were routinely shredded on the counter-attack by an excellent Liverpool attack. It could have been worse than 4-1, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if Slaven Bilic lost his job during the international break. West Ham’s morale is at rock bottom. Thanks for your company, goodnight!
90 min Lanzini is booked for kicking the ball away. West Ham look totally demoralised.
88 min Liverpool break three on three, led by Solanke. He should play in Salah or Mane but goes for goal and drags wide from 25 yards.
87 min A double change for Liverpool: Oxlade-Chamberlain and Firmino, who have had fine games, are replaced by Lovren and Solanke.
86 min Another missed chance for Liverpool, with Firmino smashing just over the bar from the left side of the box. He deserves a goal.
86 min Milner, in a scandalous amount of space, shoots just wide from the edge of the box. Liverpool could have scored eight tonight.
84 min Oxlade-Chamberlain’s shot is blocked by Reid. It’s a grim score for West Ham but it could be worse.
83 min I fear this might be it for Slaven Bilic. It’s been a desperate performance from West Ham.
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81 min Oxlade-Chamberlain’s superb cut-back finds Salah, who tries to place a curler into the corner and complete a hat-trick. Hart springs across his line to make a comfortable save.
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78 min This win moves Liverpool up to sixth, level on points with Chelsea and Arsenal in fourth and fifth.
77 min Sadio Mane, who has been excellent on his return, is replaced by James Milner.
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GOAL! West Ham 1-4 Liverpool (Salah 76)
Game over. Mane danced past two defenders and chipped a pass to the unmarked Salah on the left of the box. He had time to take the ball down, consider the meaning of life and hammer an excellent low shot into the far corner. Hart had no chance.
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72 min West Ham make their last change, with Diafra Sakho replacing Chicharito.
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71 min Liverpool have restored some order after a difficult spell.
69 min Arnautovic teases a cross towards Hernandez, who is off balance and backheads the ball over the bar. He was pushed by Moreno., though whether it was enough for a penalty I don’t know. At the other end, the superb Firmino dances through the defence only to drag his shot across goal and wide. He should have scored. That finish aside, Firmino has been so good tonight.
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68 min A good move from Liverpool. Oxlade-Chamberlain works the ball into Firmino, who backheels it out to Mane. He blasts high and wide from a tight angle.
66 min “So who wants to tell Ewan Atkinson that’s it’s quite difficult to MBM a match that doesn’t happen until tomorrow?” says Phil Sawyer. “Although if you’re going to give a it a go, I hear Arsenal are 5-0 up right now.”
64 min West Ham have been much better since Lanzini scored, despite the desperate disappointment of conceding the third goal. I didn’t really do justice to how good Lanzini’s goal was, one of those quietly classy goals that only a proper technician can score.
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63 min “Bringing down an opposition player is against the rules, and punishable by a yellow card and free kick against the player committing the foul,” says Matt Dony. “Simulation is against the rules, and punishable by a yellow card and a free kick against. There is an equivalency. In both cases, some players ‘get away with it’, either by the referee determining that no foul was committed, or by being fooled by the dive. The differences are, one is trying to gain a defensive advantage whereas the other is an offensive tactic, and one involves outright deception, bringing sportsmanship into it. Suarez’ handball on the line was unsporting. It denied the other team a win that they had engineered within the rules of the game. He was punished, and sent off. But the penalty was missed, so he ‘got away with it.’ I’m not saying I wouldn’t have done it. That’s never been the point. It just doesn’t seem logical that one type of cheating provoked a pat on the back, and another provoked moral outrage.”
62 min Lanzini’s inswinging free-kick is headed over at the near post by Chicharito. It wasn’t much of a chance.
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61 min Another West Ham change: Marko Arnautovic replaces Mark Noble.
60 min More fun and games with Mignolet, who has to race from his line to win a block tackle with Lanzini. This game is so open at both ends.
59 min Lanzini misses a great chance to make it 3-2! Carroll played him in with a short angled pass, and Lanzini stretched to crash a shot over the bar with his left foot.
GOAL! West Ham 1-3 Liverpool (Oxlade-Chamberlain 56)
Oh my, this is hideous from West Ham. Liverpool have scored again almost straight from the kick off. Firmino, aided by more weak defending, did really well to tee up Oxlade-Chamberlain, who scored at the second attempt after a good save from Hart.
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GOAL! West Ham 1-2 Liverpool (Lanzini 55)
This is a brilliant goal. Ayew tossed a nothing ball to the far post, where Lanzini backed away from Gomez, pulled the ball down on his chest and, despite being hopelessly off balance, improvised to lift it cleverly over Mignolet.
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53 min “Hello, Rob,” says Ewen Atkinson. “You consistently fail to mention that Manchester City have stuck nine goals against these 22 Liverpool and West Ham players, sans reply from any of them. Not even one goal back. We will demolish Arsène’s Arsenal Wenger tomorrow by a similar margin, but still you and yours won’t talk about it. You and colleagues are ignoring a phenomenon unseen in English foopball, so you can shut up with your shutting up about it. City are the only team worth talking about now, so you can stop texting about these 22 no-marks. There’s only one game in town and country, and it’s not this one.”
51 min It’s been a little better from West Ham since half-time, though they still look a bit ragged and desperate.
50 min Here’s Mac Millings. “Regarding Half-Time Entertainment’s Phil Sawyer, what the Fawkes he on about?”
49 min Salah plays a crisp pass back to Mane, who whips a first-time curler miles wide from inside the D.
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47 min Kouyate’s corner deflects behind for a corner, the first opportunity to involve Carroll. Lanzini curls it into the area, Matip heads clear and Reid is booked for an inept hack at Mane.
46 min Peep peep! West Ham begin the second half, with Andy Carroll on for Edmilson Fernandes. Go on big lad, roam the green.
More half-time chit-chat
“Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “What I wouldn’t give to be 25 and talented. Though if Klopp’s ever looking for a talentless 45-year-old to provide Bez / Terry McDermott style ‘vibes’, can you give him my number?”
“The Hammers certainly aren’t giving us any fireworks here,” sniffs Phil Sawyer. “They simply can’t hold a roman candle up to Liverpool at the moment. It’s like watching a banger try to take on a supercar. Let’s hope Bilic gives them a rocket during his half-time talk. Or perhaps bring on Carroll, who should be a sparkler against this Liverpool defence.”
Morality latest “The laws of the game set out what infringements are ‘not allowed’, but also prescribe a consequence to those infringements,” says Joel Pool. “If you decide to deliberately foul an opponent and accept the resulting caution/dismissal/penalty etc, then that is an option available to you within the laws of the game. Sportsmanship is a more nebulous set of rules that are ultimately subjective, and comes down to taste and class. Luis Suarez’s World Cup handball on the goal line, or hacking someone down to stop a certain goal (in exchange for a red card and a penalty which is a likely goal), these are options, however distasteful, and to ignore the existence of these options out of virtue alone is to deny some tools which may be required in extreme situations.”
Whenever a moral dilemma arises, I ask myself one simple question: What Would Richie Aprile Do?
Half time: West Ham 0-2 Liverpool
That was a miserable half for West Ham, who are booed off by the home fans. Liverpool scored twice from corners in the space of three minutes, the first a West Ham corner, and were in total control thereafter. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.
45 min There will be two minutes of added West Ham despair.
44 min Oxlade-Chamberlain curls a fine pass over the defence for Salah, who scoots away from Kouyate but overruns the ball with his second touch. That allows Reid to come across and concede a corner.
43 min This has been a hideous performance from West Ham. They started okay, but the moment they went 1-0 down they collapsed. They look like a team having a collective meltdown.
40 min Liverpool have been able to pass the ball around so easily, with almost no pressure on the ball. West Ham look like a team whose morale is through the floor.
38 min “Right,” says Matt Dony. “Indulge me while I climb on my hobby-horse for a while. I have a great respect for Steve McManaman (is there anything more beautiful than his volley against Valencia in the Champions League final?), but he’s suggested Fernandes should have taken down Salah before the first goal. I won’t single him out, ex-pros regularly say things like that, praising ‘professional fouls’ and the like. That’s all well and good, but then don’t get so morally outraged by diving and simulation! Either, cheating is wrong, and the game should be played within the rules; OR, players have to break rules to gain an advantage. It’s one or the other. Just because one has a more clear element of deception should make no difference. They are both examples of cheating. Stop all cheating, or shut up and let the players play however they feel. Thanks for listening. You may now return to the game.”
It’s the same with the spirit of cricket, there are contradictions all over the place. See also: all morality.
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37 min Mark Noble is booked for diving. “Are you having a laugh?” he asks the referee Neil Swarbrick. He is not having a laugh.
35 min Ogbonna plays a square pass to Fernandes, who miscontrols it for a throw-in. There are some affronted coupons among the home fans and no mistake.
33 min West Ham are all over the place. It’s almost painful to watch.
30 min This could get extremely messy for West Ham, who look totally demoralised.
26 min It just shows how quickly a football match can slip away. West Ham started pretty well, yet now they are 2-0 down and mentally finished.
GOAL! West Ham 0-2 Liverpool (Matip 24)
It is happening again. The unsighted Noble accidentally diverts a near-post corner towards his own goal, and although Hart makes a fine save the ball falls perfectly for Matip to score from close range.
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Lanzini’s corner was headed away to Salah, and the moment he knocked it past the dithering Fernandes to find Mane, West Ham were in big trouble. Liverpool had a three on one attack, with Aaron Cresswell trying to stall them for as long as he could. Mane carried the ball 50 yards, drew Cresswell and played in Salah, who finished calmly past Hart.
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GOAL! West Ham 0-1 Liverpool (Salah 22)
A West Ham corner leads to a goal - for Liverpool. It was a beautiful counterattack.
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19 min As the BT Sport chaps have pointed out, the tempo of the game is weirdly slow. It’s as if both teams are scared to push forward for fear of being counter-attacked. Whatever the reason, this game is filth.
17 min “Oh such a lovely day,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “The internet refuses to stay connected so I’ve abandoned watching Liverpool. Instead I’m going to read Bloodroot, the incredible new poetry collection by Ireland’s own Annemarie Ni Churreain while keeping an eye on your MBM. Who shall win the battle of brilliant words? The poetess or the sportswriter? I have faith in you Rob. The game’s afoot!”
It’s not actually afoot, is it.
16 min There is a word to describe the first 15 minutes of this match, but I won’t be able to use it until 9pm.
14 min “What are your thoughts on Klopp’s Liverpool, Rob, and the prognosis?” says Bill Hargreaves. “Is his high-octane blend a good recipe for the famous club looking for fresh produce in the trophy cabinet? Will it bear fruit in the Mou/ Poch/Pep era?”
My thoughts are completely unoriginal. I love watching them, they are scintillating in attack when everyone is fint, but they will never win a league with the current defence and squad depth. That said, if I was a) 25 and b) talented, I’d love to play for Klopp.
12 min Chicharito turns Matip 25 yards from goal and is palpably hoofed in the shin. The referee waves play on.
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9 min Ayew hits the post! He ran clear onto Lanzini’s deflected through pass, and as the ball bounced up he flicked it towards goal with the outside of his left foot. It beat Mignolet and hit the outside of the near post.
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7 min It’s been a very quiet start, that Firmino chance excepted. Nothing to see here.
4 min The formations aren’t quite as advertised. West Ham are playing a 3-4-2-1, and Liverpool’s shape looks like a 4-2-3-1 with Salah behind Firmino.
2 min An early chance for Liverpool. Salah’s free-kick from the left falls nicely for Firmino, whose close-range shot is blocked by the legs of Hart. Good save.
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1 min Peep peep! Liverpool get things going. They are in their orange third kit; West Ham are sporting the old claret and blue.
This is the last home game before Remembrance Sunday, so there will be a minute’s silence ahead of the game.
Two groups of grown men are shaking hands, which can only mean one thing: the imminent commencement of a soccer match.
Pre-match plugging
Episode 4 of Nessun Dorma, the 80s and 90s football podcast, is here for your delectation.
(Legal disclaimer: delectation not guaranteed.)
“This is going to be a 5-4 draw,” says Ian Copestake. “Something new is going to be created out if this chaos!”
An email! “It’s a really exciting Liverpool line-up,” says Gerrard Catesby. “Fascinated to see Ox make his full Premier League debut, and thrilled at Mane starting.”
Mane is pure gold. Liverpool are a much better team when he and Salah play. Frank Lampard made a good point about Oxlade-Chamberlain just now, about how he should study Kevin De Bruyne and David Silva as examples of wide players who have adapted to and excelled in centre midfield. Lampard is extremely good as a studio pundit.
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The 3pm kick-offs are coming to an end, with great results for Brighton and Bournemouth. Barry Glendenning has the latest.
Pre-match reading
The teams
West Ham (3-4-2-1) Hart; Reid, Kouyate, Ogbonna; Fernandes, Obiang, Noble, Cresswell; Ayew, Lanzini; Chicharito.
Substitutes: Adrian, Rice, Masuaku, Haksabanovic, Sakho, Arnautovic, Carroll.
Liverpool (4-2-3-1) Mignolet; Gomez, Matip, Klavan, Moreno; Wijnaldum, Can; Oxlade-Chamberlain, Salah, Mane; Firmino.
Substitutes: Karius, Lovren, Alexander-Arnold, Milner, Grujic, Solanke, Sturridge.
Referee Neil Swarbrick
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Preamble
Hello. It’s fair to say these teams have wrongs to right in this evening’s match. West Ham’s last home game was the miserable 3-0 defeat against Brighton; Liverpool were walloped 4-1 by Spurs in their last away game. The quality of both attacks, and the erratic nature of both defences, mean this really should be an entertaining teatime experience for one and all. It had better be, because I’m missing Len Goodman’s Partners in Rhyme for this.
Kick off is at 5.30pm.
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