This retro report is from And Gazza Misses The Final, the story of the World Cup told in MBM. A heady mix of famous drama and forgotten whimsy, it’s worth every penny, partly because you can now get it for £0.01 on Amazon. Special editions on Manchester United and Liverpool are in the pipeline, pending the small matter of finding a publisher.
HRUBESCH SCORES AND WEST GERMANY ARE IN THE WORLD CUP FINAL!!! West Germany 3–3 France (5–4 pens)
Hrubesch scores! He rolls the ball to his right as Ettori dances the other way, again not diving. Stielike, with his top off, hugs Schumacher for dear life. Not only has the Real Madrid man avoided ignominy, he will play in a World Cup final on his home ground on Sunday. Don’t expect too much home support, mind, Uli, your lads have possibly gone past the point where they can salvage this particular charm offensive.
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BOSSIS MISSES! West Germany 4–4 France West Germany are one kick away from the final! Schumacher has saved from Bossis! He sidefooted it low to the left, but Schumacher went the right way and made an excellent save. Schumacher definitely moved before the ball was kicked, although Ettori has been up to that as well. Schumacher raises his right arm in triumph, heroics that stick slightly in the craw.
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RUMMENIGGE SCORES! West Germany 4–4 France Rummenigge scores easily, placing the ball in the bottom-right corner. And again Ettori did not dive. This really is a bizarre approach to saving penalties. So now we go to sudden death. Schumacher, waiting for the next French penalty taker, is talking to the referee Corver. Corver says something and Schumacher chuckles before moving back to his goal. The Battiston family, watching on TV, must love that scene.
PLATINI SCORES! West Germany 3–4 France Platini scored a penalty in normal time and he scores again, going the other way this time with a calm sidefoot to the right. Schumacher went the wrong way. Rummenigge has to score or France will be in the final.
LITTBARSKI SCORES! West Germany 3–3 France Littbarski, the youngster, scores with a brilliant penalty, sidefooted high into the top-right corner. Ettori came out and started to move the right way but again he didn’t dive.
SIX MISSES! West Germany 2–3 France Schumacher has saved from Six! The TV cameraman missed it; he was focusing on Littbarski hugging Stielike, when suddenly Littbarski jumped around in excitement. The camera cut to the goal, where Schumacher was picking the ball up after saving from Six! No joy for Six, who collapses to his knees! We still don’t know what happened, except that Schumacher dived to his right and saved.
STIELIKE MISSES! West Germany 2–3 France This time Ettori not only dives, he goes the right way and saves it! It was not a great penalty from Stielike, sidefooted at breast height to his left but nowhere near the corner. Ettori – who moved illegally off his line before the kick was taken – beat the shot away. Stielike’s hands are glued to his face.
ROCHETEAU SCORES! West Germany 2–3 France Only Giresse’s penalty has been anywhere near the corner, but the keepers keep diving the wrong way. Rocheteau sidefoots to his right to put France ahead.
BREITNER SCORES! West Germany 2–2 France Breitner scores with a nonchalant clip high into the net, with Ettori again not diving – just like Jan Jongbloed when Breitner scored in the final eight years ago.
AMOROS SCORES! West Germany 1–2 France For the third time the keeper goes the wrong way. Schumacher moved to his right, Amoros placed it high to his right.
KALTZ SCORES! West Germany 1–1 France Ettori doesn’t even dive, dancing a few steps to his right before realizing Kaltz has sent him the wrong way with a low sidefoot.
GIRESSE SCORES! West Germany 0–1 France A confident penalty, sidefooted low to the left as Schumacher goes the other way.
EXTRA TIME, FULL TIME: West Germany 3–3 France.
That’s it! An awesome and controversial match comes to an end, and now we will have the first ever penalty shoot-out in the World Cup. The purists won’t be happy but it’s a damn sight better than drawing lots. The players look unbelievably tired as they take some water. And we’re off . . .
120 min West Germany win one last corner, Tigana has cramp and limps back to the box. Kaltz swings it deep, Fischer finds a bit of space ten yards out to head it towards goal and the heroic Trésor heads it clear with Hrubesch flying towards the ball just behind him. France break through Rocheteau and Six, who evades Breitner splendidly near the halfway line and plays it to the right for Tigana. He ignores his cramp for a few seconds, struggles to the edge of the box and then slashes well wide under pressure from Stielike.
NEARLY A TRAGI-COMIC OWN GOAL!
118 min Tigana plays a tired pass inside the West Germany box and the Germans break. It’s fed to Rummenigge, who swaggers forward and clips a through-pass towards Fischer with the outside of the right foot. Trésor gets there first in the D and stabs it back towards Ettori – not knowing that Ettori had moved forward towards the ball himself. Thankfully for France it was close enough to Ettori that he could dive to his right and claim the ball. That would have been a crazy way to decide his match. The camera cuts to the bench, where the splendidly expressive coach Michel Hidalgo puffs out his cheeks in relief.
115 min Beautiful play from Littbarski, whose quick feet take the piss out of Amoros and Platini before his cross is claimed by Ettori. West Germany are playing with much the greater urgency. Maybe they don’t want this to go to a penalty shoot-out after the trauma of the Euro 76 final.
114 min Janvion, misjudging Schumacher’s long throw out, leaps to deliberately handle the ball and stop Fischer breaking in behind him. The referee allows play to go on and Fischer picks up the loose ball. He runs to within 25 yards of goal before cutting infield from the right, away from Janvion, and whistling a left-footed shot fractionally wide of the far post! The referee has given a goal-kick, although Fischer seems to think it should have been a corner. If Ettori did get something on that it was an outstanding save.
111 min Germany are all over France at the moment, the scent in their snout. Rummenigge, who has been majestic since coming on, sparks another attack by moving disdainfully past Lopez just inside the West Germany half. He flicks it to Dremmler, who moves it down the line to Rummenigge. He gives it back to Dremmler with a first-time backheel, and his cross towards Littbarski is splendidly headed away by Trésor.
GOAL! West Germany 3–3 France (Fischer 108)
Klaus Fischer equalizes with a wonderful overhead kick! What a goal! Rummenigge, 40 yards out, waved a square pass to Bernd Förster, who moved forward and found Littbarski in a bit of space on the left. As Bossis came to meet him he stood up an excellent cross beyond the far post, where Hrubesch leapt imperiously above Janvion. He was off-balance and unable to go for goal but managed to steer the ball back across the six-yard line. Fischer fell backwards, stretched a telescopic leg away from goal and steered an overhead kick just inside the post! That was the only place he could score because Ettori, along with Trésor and Amoros on the line, had everywhere else covered. Platini responds to the goal with a brief, magnificent tantrum, waving his hands over his shoulder with such fury that he almost knocks himself off his feet. Fischer is the world leader in overhead kicks, so much so that in West Germany they call him Herr Fallrückzieher, or Mr Falling Kick. His overhead kick against Switzerland was voted goal of the decade – but this is on a whole new level. What a goal and what a recovery. Germany had 21 minutes to score two goals; they needed only nine of them, and in that time they had a goal wrongly disallowed. This is an outrageous comeback even by their standards. They haven’t just come back from the dead; they’ve come back from a cremation!
106 min France start the second period of extra time – and Platini tries to score from the kick-off! It was touched off by Six and Platini’s attempt to outdo Pelé struck one of the advancing German players.
EXTRA TIME, HALF TIME: West Germany 2–3 France
Are there any other directions in which this game can turn?
104 min How did that stay out? Rummenigge, who has grabbed this game by the scruff of the balls, played in Breitner on the right-hand side of the box. He could probably have gone for goal but instead whistled a cross all the way across the face. It’s not often you say it about Breitner, and you’d be loath to say it to his face, but he took the wrong option there. 105 min: Another cross flashes right across the France goal! This time it was Littbarski. He received Kaltz’s throw, rolled Amoros brilliantly to get into the area and then smashed it right across the face. There were two German players waiting in all sorts of space for a cutback. Rummenigge motions kicking the ball into the net, a nice idiot’s guide to what might have happened. Another player, Stielike, charges over to give Littbarski a spectacularly heartfelt bollocking. Littbarski’s cross was the last kick of a sensational first period of extra time.
GOAL! West Germany 2–3 France (Rummenigge 103)
Olé? Oh shit more like: West Germany are back in it! That France move broke down and within seconds Rummenigge scored at the other end. Stielike got away with showing his studs to Bossis on the halfway line and worked the ball neatly out to the left with Rummenigge and Littbarski. Littbarski, on the left of the box, curled a low ball towards the near post, where Rummenigge, under considerable pressure from Janvion, twisted his body ingeniously to flick it past the advancing Ettori inside the near post. That’s an expert finish indeed. The angle and height of the cross meant he had to lean backwards horizontally into Janvion, with both feet off the floor, and then, while twisting in mid-air, soften his right foot to ease the ball round the corner as Ettori spread himself.
100 min Littbarski takes off his shinpads and tosses them impatiently over the touchline. Seconds later Fischer has a goal disallowed for a non-existent offside! Dremmler’s cross from a narrow position was headed emphatically into the corner by Fischer, who ran off the back of Janvion and towered majestically near the penalty spot. Fischer was at least three yards onside when the pass was played. Rummenigge on the far side might just have been in an offside position, though I don’t think he was. West Germany seem hard done by there. 102 min: Platini almost makes it 4–1 with a fierce free-kick that goes through the wall and bounces up to hit Schumacher in the chest. There was nobody following in and Schumacher claimed it at the second attempt. France then put together a patient passing move, every pass met with an olé.
FRANCE ARE IN THE WORLD CUP FINAL FOR THE FIRST TIME! GOAL! West Germany 1–3 France (Giresse 99)
Alain Giresse has put France into Sunday’s final with Italy with another beautiful goal! We sometimes say that players have two right feet; well Giresse’s right foot has two insides, because he has been using the outside all night to great effect – but none greater than this. Rocheteau and Platini moved the ball across the face of the area, finding Six on the left. He teased Kaltz and then stabbed a gentle pass back to Giresse, lurking on the edge of the area. He stomped towards the ball and cut across a technically immaculate shot that swerved back and pinged in off the inside of the near post. Schumacher had not a solitary prayer.
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97 min Desperate times call for obvious measures: Rummenigge replaces the surprisingly fatigable Briegel, who doesn’t drink Carling Black Label after all. It’s the last throw of Germany’s dice, although it’s quite a throw to have.
94 min Littbarski nearly equalizes straight away. Amoros, with a combination of weariness and maybe a little arrogance, ignored the option of a backpass to Ettori and tried to run the ball out of defence near the touchline on the left. Littbarski won the ball with an immaculate tackle, declined to go down in the area despite a tug on the shorts from Amoros and had his shot blocked by the sprawling Ettori, who had been completely out of position after running to the left edge of the area expecting a backpass from Amoros. Ettori had to dance back across goal with Littbarski and spread himself to save.
GOAL! West Germany 1–2 France (Trésor 93)
Or maybe not, because Trésor has given France the lead with a brilliant goal! Briegel was penalized, maybe a little harshly, for a foul on Platini just outside the area on the right wing. Giresse’s clipped free-kick hit the head of Dremmler in the wall and looped invitingly towards Trésor, in a bizarre amount of space near the penalty spot. He probably had time to bring the ball down but he had a far more effective option in mind: a screaming volley on the half-turn that scorched into the net! We knew France’s defenders could play but this is ridiculous: Bossis has been gallivanting around like a Beckenbauer tribute act, Amoros hit the bar from 30 yards and now Trésor has scored a stunning volley.
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91 min West Germany begin extra time from left to right. We might be 30 minutes away from the World Cup’s first-ever penalty shoot-out.
FULL TIME: West Germany 1–1 France
A wonderful match will go to an extra half-hour, although goodness knows how: both sides could have won it in injury-time there.
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NOW GERMANY ALMOST WIN IT!
90+3 min This is unbelievable! Tigana tried to run the ball out of trouble and was dispossessed by Breitner. He scampered to within 20 yards and then hit a low shot across goal that bounced just in front of Ettori. He couldn’t hold it diving to his left, and the ball slithered tantalizingly out in front of goal. It was a race between Fischer and Ettori, who scrambled desperately to his feet. Ettori got there by a split-second, if that, throwing himself forward to punch the ball behind for a corner like a father diving in front of a car to save a baby. He got a kick in the head from Fischer for his trouble. That is a sensational recovery from Ettori. All that training goalkeepers do – every single boring drill where they make a save and bounce straight up to their feet to make another – has been justified in injury-time in a World Cup semi-final.
AMOROS HITS THE BAR!!!
90+1 min Manuel Amoros, the young full back with Spanish parents, almost wins the match with an unbelievable effort in injury-time. He ran forward thirty yards with the ball and then, with German defenders backpedalling, spotted immortality in the far top corner. He so nearly found it by cutting across a stunning 30-yard shot that swerved away from Schumacher and smashed off the crossbar. What an effort! The strike started well outside the line of the near post but swerved away so much that it hit the bar just inside the far post with Schumacher leaping desperately. He would not have got there. Rocheteau, on the turn, splattered the rebound over the bar from 12 yards. That was almost one of the great World Cup fairytales from a player who only won his first France cap in February.
90 min Germany win a corner on left. Breitner’s delivery is beyond Hrubesch, but Ettori at the far post drops it and is fortunate when it comes back to him off Lopez.
88 min With one of the Försters down receiving treatment, players from both sides neck a few Monte Verde chasers. They’ve earned them.
86 min Tigana somehow finds the energy for yet another run. He beats Breitner on the halfway line, runs to within 30 yards and then angles over a devilish, dipping cross towards the far post – where Rocheteau and Six get in each other’s way! Oh, you pair of goons. Rocheteau, who was leaping backwards on the six-yard line, didn’t know Six was behind him; Six’s view was impaired and he ran ahead of the ball, which hit the covering Kaltz and bounced behind for a corner.
ANOTHER GREAT CHANCE FOR FRANCE!
81 min Platini and Lopez combine to find Six in space on the right. He coaxes a gorgeous, teasing ball in between the defenders and keeper. Schumacher and Rocheteau go flying towards it on the six-yard line. Rocheteau gets there a split-second ahead of the keeper and his header hits the chest of Schumacher before dropping tantalisingly in front of goal. Rocheteau might have been able to get there but his collision with Schumacher knocked him away from the ball and Stielike was able to smash the ball away. Actually, it probably wouldn’t have counted – it seems the referee has given a foul to Germany, which is ridiculous. Rocheteau and Schumacher were both entitled to go for that, and Rocheteau got there first.
80 min Another chance for Germany! France failed to get the ball away on a few occasions, when Dremmler burst round the outside of the defence on the right. His dipping cross towards the six-yard line somehow beat both Fischer, sliding in with Janvion at the near post, and Littbarski at the far.
79 min Germany, who have been under pressure for much of the second half, almost steal the lead. Breitner, waiting for the right option, pirouettes 270 degrees just outside the D before playing an angled through ball for the onrushing Briegel. He slips the sliding Lopez just inside the area and then smashes a shot from a tight angle that smacks off Ettori’s knee and behind for a corner. Ettori has had a dodgy tournament but that was a hugely important save.
A BIG CHANCE FOR FRANCE!
78 min Amoros runs 60 yards down the left, slips past Kaltz and passes it square to Six, ten yards out just ahead of the near post. He takes a touch but then, with defenders converging, mis-hits a feeble shot that Schumacher plunges to save. There hasn’t been much joy of Six for France in this game; he has been frustratingly fitful once again. The pass was slightly behind him but he should still have done better.
73 min Magath, aged 81, is replaced by the hulking blond Horst Hrubesch, the man who scored both goals in the win over Belgium in the Euro 80 final and who bonded with his manager Jupp Derwall earlier in the tournament by calling him ‘a coward’.
71 min Briegel wins a battle of strength with Tigana, the decathlete against the athlete, and plays the ball into Dremmler. He plays a crisp one-two with Magath, back-pedalling into the area to receive the return pass before striking a good cross-shot that is well held by Ettori, plunging to his right. He had to hold that with Fischer waiting for the follow-up.
65 min Trésor flies through the air to win the ball off Kaltz. He’s penalized by the referee, presumably for showing his studs. The referee has a word with Trésor. While he’s doing so, Platini rubs Trésor’s head as if to say, ‘Get in there!’ This is in danger of boiling over. One day you’d hope players will get immediately sent off for that sort of tackle, though in the wake of the Battiston incident it’s probably not fair to point the finger at France too firmly.
64 min France, who have been much the better team since half time, have picked up where they left off before Battiston’s injury. Platini goes down in the area after a challenge from Briegel. It looked like a dive, and Corver waves his hands at Platini to say, no more, a hard-ass gesture that would be impressive had an unseen assault not just occurred on his watch. France get a corner anyway, from which the substitute Lopez almost scores! Schumacher came a long way to meet Giresse’s corner and got nowhere near it. He was beaten to the ball by Lopez, on the six yard line, who looped a header over the bar.
61 min Lopez comes on for Battiston. Play is going to restart with a goal-kick! No penalty, no red card, nothing. That is astonishing and disgraceful.
60 min The stretcher is finally on, almost three minutes after the collision. Battiston still doesn’t seem to be moving. His right hand is draped limply over the side of the stretcher. Platini takes that hand and holds it as Battiston is carried off. This is desperate.
59 min Giresse and Janvion run to the touchline to talk to their manager Hidalgo, who is waved back to his station by a stunningly pedantic FIFA official. Hidalgo pleads for a bit of sanity and humanity, realizes there will be none of that and then throws his hands over his shoulder in disgust before flouncing back to the bench, a gesture so Gallic that if you saw it in a film you’d accuse the director of excessive stereotyping.
58 min Schumacher has left the scene of the crime and is waiting to take a goal-kick, bold as brass, chewing gum impatiently as if everyone else is holding him up, rather than attending to a man he assaulted. That’s at best clueless and at worst appallingly callous. Also, surely it can’t be a goal-kick? But then the referee doesn’t seem to have given a penalty. There’s so much going on that it’s hard to tell.
The referee and Platini wave for a stretcher, with a number of other players surrounding the prostrate Battiston. There is a suggestion he may have lost some teeth. Platini waves his hands to the referee as if to say: What kind of business is this? Astonishingly, the referee hasn’t given a penalty. There is a chance that, because the tackle was so late, the referee followed the ball as it drifted past the post and missed Schumacher’s assault. It’s the only explanation. Although that doesn’t explain why the linesman missed it as well.
A DISGRACEFUL ASSAULT FROM SCHUMACHER!
57 min Battiston has missed a great chance to put France ahead and, in the process, been flattened by Schumacher. Bossis, just inside the West German half on the right, won the ball and played it short to Platini. He turned, spotted Battiston haring through on goal and sprayed a nonchalant pass into the considerable space between Kaltz and Stielike. Schumacher, sensing the danger, charged out from goal. As the ball bounced up on the edge of the box Battiston took the shot first time and drifted it just wide of the far post – but as he did so he was flattened as Schumacher leapt into him. That has to be a penalty to France! It looks even worse on the replay: as Schumacher twisted his body in mid-air, his elbow smashed into the face of Battiston, who flopped sickeningly to the turf and bounced over on to his back. It was particularly horrible because both men were running at full pelt. It was also appallingly late: the ball had travelled seven or eight yards before Schumacher hit Battiston.
Battiston is lying on his back and the level of French concern suggests he may be unconscious. Once he is tended to, surely Schumacher will be sent off. Never mind a red card; he could get a stretch in the clink for that.
56 min The French fans behind the goal take a good 30 seconds to give the ball back after that Platini shot. When they do, Schumacher runs towards them and fakes to fling the ball back into the crowd before putting the ball down to take the goal-kick.
55 min Platini goes on a bewitching slalom from the left, past Kaltz and Stielike, but having made a decent shooting chance he wafts high over the bar from inside the D.
ROCHETEAU HAS A GOAL DISALLOWED!
54 min The marvellous Giresse drilled a long, angled pass from the left. Rocheteau jumped for it with Bernd Förster, the last man, and when the ball broke loose he dragged it past Schumacher and into the net. But by then he had been penalized for a foul on Förster. He may have jumped into him, although it doesn’t look particularly bad. We haven’t seen a replay so it’s hard to tell. France’s lack of complaints probably tells a story.
53 min What a chance for France! Kaltz, just inside his own half, plays a lamentable square pass reminiscent of Toninho Cerezo’s against Italy on Monday. Briegel gawps at it, expecting somebody else to go and get it. Tigana nips in and, with Germany’s defence all over the place, slides a through-pass for Platini – but he is flagged offside. That was effectively a two-against-one break. Tigana waves his hand in disgust at Platini and mouths his frustration for the purposes of additional clarification. Platini fixes Tigana with a comically stern look in response. If Platini had waited a second longer he would have been through on goal. That said, he may well have timed it perfectly – another look suggests the linesman might have got it wrong, although it was a tough call.
50 min The first substitution: Patrick Battiston comes on to replace the injured Genghini.
49 min It’s been a scrappy start to the half, with a few fouls and a bit of residual tetchiness from the end of the first half.
46 min Bernd Förster starts the second half with a ridiculous flying tackle on Rocheteau, for which he is booked. Rocheteau chested the ball up in the air and Förster tried to come round the side of him with a flying kung-fu kick. He didn’t connect with that but his momentum knocked Rocheteau over.
HALF TIME: West Germany 1–1 France
A brilliant game of football. More please!
45+1 min Karlheinz Förster wins the ball off Rocheteau down the right and sends over a superb curling cross towards the six-yard line. Littbarski gets between Janvion and Amoros but then plants his header straight at Ettori, who saves at the second attempt. Littbarski should have scored, although it might not have counted: the whistle went for something, presumably offside.
43 min Breitner’s curving pass over the top finds Briegel, almost by the right touchline in the area. He should go with his right foot, but instead he whirls his left like an arthritic ninja to send the ball towards the near post. Ettori, who had his angles right, pats it behind.
41 min After five minutes of feistiness, France remind us that this is a football match with a stunning counter-attack that almost leads to one of the goals of the tournament. It starts with Giresse and Tigana riskily playing their way out of trouble inside the French area. Tigana pushes it forward to Six, who runs 30 yards and waves the ball to Rocheteau on the left with the outside of the foot. Rocheteau runs at Bernd Förster, teasing him with a series of touches and hip movements until he gets into the area on the left. Then, as Kaltz comes across, he stabs it back outside the box to Platini. He storms on to the ball, 20 yards out, and cuts across a beautiful shot that swerves and whistles just wide of the far post. That took 15 seconds from Giresse’s touch in his own area to Platini’s shot curving wide. You could have set that move to Beethoven. Actually you could have set it to ‘Happy Talk’ and it would still have stood as a work of art, it was so beautiful.
40 min This is getting a bit nasty now. Kaltz, marauding down the right, is clattered by Genghini, a challenge of endearing incompetence. Genghini is booked.
39 min Tigana’s dangerous, bouncing cross is chested nonchalantly back to Schumacher by Briegel, six yards from his own goal. Six slides in from behind on Briegel and then Schumacher’s forward momentum takes him on top of Six, whereupon he pins him like a wrestler and drags his elbow a little to clarify precisely what he thinks of Six’s challenge. Briegel stands over Six, looking at him almost quizzically, as a cat might look at a mouse that hasn’t quite died, and then seems to give Six a little rabbit kick. As Six gets to his feet, Schumacher shoves him away angrily. Six puts his hands out in apology – he didn’t actually do anything wrong – but Schumacher waves his hand in disgust. Platini motions for Schumacher to simmer down because the keeper really needs to. He’s off on one.
36 min Of all the people to get the first yellow card in this match, it’s Alain Giresse, for kicking the ball away after he was penalised for handball.
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35 min Amoros’s low cross is flicked behind his standing leg by Six and Karlheinz Förster cushions a short-range backpass to Schumacher. As Schumacher takes the ball he rolls forward and rams into the thigh of Platini, who winces and holds the back of his right leg as he hobbles away. He should be fine.
31 min France have a bit of a strut now. Six’s drilled left-wing corner goes all the way across to Bossis on the edge of the area. He kills the ball like a playmaker, never mind a defender, and arrogantly lays it back to Genghini, whose sizzling half-volley tattoos a West German thigh and deflects wide for a corner.
GOAL! West Germany 1–1 France (Platini 28)
Platini tucks the penalty away with authority, sending Schumacher the wrong way and sidefooting it low to the left. He celebrates with an instinctive, childlike leap of joy, both hands raised to the sky, before he is mobbed by teammates.
PENALTY TO FRANCE!
27 min The free-kick that was given for Kaltz’s foul on Genghini leads straight to a penalty. Giresse flicked the dead ball lazily into the area with the outside of his right foot towards Platini, who did superbly to win the header above Magath and Dremmler. He nutted it back across the face of goal, where Rocheteau went down under challenge from Bernd Förster. Förster did hook the ball clear eventually but the referee signalled that he was holding Rocheteau; replays suggest he was probably right. Stielike, unsurprisingly, does not entirely concur with this viewpoint.
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26 min Kaltz nibbles away at Genghini, who responds with a sly kick to the back of the leg while Kaltz is being spoken to by the referee. The two men are about to start a Hegelian dialectic when the referee gets in between them.
22 min That’s eight goals in 13 internationals for Littbarski, who only made his West Germany debut last October. It was beautifully made by Breitner, who was playing at left-back in West Germany’s 1974 World Cup winners but now patrols midfield like an old don. Platini heads well wide from 18 yards.
GOAL! West Germany 1–0 France (Littbarski 18)
West Germany deservedly strike first. Breitner opened the game up with an impatient run through France’s midfield before flicking a penetrative through-pass to Fischer, who had pulled cleverly away in between Trésor and Amoros. He overran the ball a fraction with an accidental second touch, allowing Ettori to come out and plunge at his feet – but the loose ball came to Littbarski, who spanked a low shot through a posse of bodies and into the net from the edge of the area.
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16 min A long, angled free-kick is drilled towards Rocheteau, just inside the area and facing away from goal. It’s at face-height, so he improvises delightfully: he leaps forward, twists his body in mid-air and softens his chest to steer a flying chest pass, straight into the path of Genghini, who lashes the bouncing ball over the bar from the right of the box. Schumacher administers a finger-pointing bollocking to one, possibly more, maybe all of his team-mates.
15 min: LITTBARSKI HITS THE BAR! With France still organizing their wall, Breitner touched the ball off to Littbarski, who clattered the bar with a fierce shot. Ettori was beaten and the ball hit the bar with such force that it rebounded well outside the box.
14 min A truly absurd hack at Fischer from Janvion gives Germany a free-kick 35 yards out. That leads to another free-kick 20 yards out when Platini brings down Briegel. This is in a good position, just a few yards left of centre…
13 min France are coming into the game now. A dangerous cross from Amoros is taken away from the flying Rocheteau by the head of Bernd Förster. That leads to a corner on the right, from which Giresse plays a one-two with Rocheteau before clipping in an insouciant cross with the outside of his right foot. Bossis, unmarked on the edge of the six-yard box, just couldn’t leap high enough and Schumacher climbed over him to punch clear.
8 min A delectable example of the telepathy between – and economical brilliance of – Platini and Giresse. Platini draws two Germans towards him and pokes a pass forward to Giresse, in space 25 yards out. He turns, draws two more defenders towards him and teases a short through-pass towards Platini, who had kept running. He would have been clear on goal but for a superb stretching block from Stielike on the edge of the area.
4 min After a superb surge by Briegel, the former decathlete, Dremmler’s shot is deflected wide from 25 yards. West Germany have come out of the blocks like Alan Wells here.
2 min A breakneck start from Germany. Littbarski, one of the unexpected stars of the tournament, wriggles dangerously into the box before being crowded out. France finally get a kick when Kaltz falls on his arse. Platini is caught a touch late by Dremmler and hops around theatrically in pain like a demented kangaroo.
Peeeeep!
1 min The game finally gets under way with West Germany kicking off from left to right. For those listening on radio, they are in white, France are in blue.
The teams are out! There’s a long delay before kick-off, with the West Germans idly kicking a ball between themselves. Nobody on either side looks remotely stressed. It’s a World Cup semi-final!
Team news
West Germany, several of whose players have been suffering with stomach complaints this week, and whose captain Karl-Heinz Rummenigge is only fit for the bench because of the thigh injury that’s been troubling him all tournament: Harald Schumacher, Manfred Kaltz, Hans-Peter Briegel, Bernd Förster, Karlheinz Förster, Uli Stielike, Felix Magath, Paul Breitner, Klaus Fischer, Wolfgang Dremmler, Pierre Littbarski.
France plump for Six instead of Soler, but otherwise this is the lot who stroked four goals past Northern Ireland: Jean-Luc Ettori, Manuel Amoros, Maxime Bossis, Gérard Janvion, Marius Trésor, Alain Giresse, Bernard Genghini, Didier Six, Jean Tigana, Michel Platini, Dominique Rocheteau.
Preamble
It’s fair to say that neither of these teams started this tournament particularly well. France found themselves a goal down within 27 seconds of kick-off in their first match, against an England team that notoriously struggles for goals. Ooh la la. From that position, the only way was up. And so it was proven. France put away Kuwait and drew with Czechoslovakia in a game mainly notable for Antonin Panenka’s last act in international football (a penalty, naturally) and Manuel Amoros clearing off the line in the last minute to keep France in the competition.
In the second group stage, they lucked out, drawn with Austria and Northern Ireland, and didn’t look the gift horse dans la bouche, beating both teams by causing death by intricate passing (although it’d have been interesting to see what would have happened if Martin O’Neill’s unfairly disallowed early goal for the Irish had stood). Still, Michel Hidalgo called that performance against Northern Ireland the best of his six-year reign and here France are, in the semis, a team top-heavy with elegant talent – that midfield of Platini, Tigana, Giresse – doing just about enough to paper over the cracks of a brittle defence.
West Germany have somehow managed to be even worse, making a proper show of themselves in the group stage. First they boasted how they would beat Algeria ‘without problems’, with one player saying they would dedicate ‘the seventh goal to our wives and the eighth to our dogs’. They went down 2–1, the first time a European side had lost to an African one at a World Cup. They breezed past a dismal Chile, then conspired with Austria to fashion a soporific 1–0 win in the final game, a result that saw both teams through at the expense of the Algerians. Boo, hiss. The Germans needed a few friends after that, so it’s questionable whether knocking out hosts Spain in the second group stage did them any favours.
Still, here they are, in the semis, a team with just about enough brio and verve – Rummenigge, Fischer, Breitner, Littbarski – to make up for their collective inherent cynicism. They could do with going on a charm offensive tonight at the Pizjuán in Seville. Who will face a resurgent Italy, who beat Poland this afternoon in the first semi-final, at the Santiago Bernabéu on Sunday? We’ll know after 90 minutes. Or 120 minutes. Or approximately 130 minutes if this becomes the first match in World Cup history to go to penalties.
Kick-off: 9pm. in Seville, subtract an hour if you’re in England. And 12pm BST for this retro MBM.
Referee: Charles Corver (Holland).
