In the same week that Gary Barlow and Robbie Williams made their peace and watched football together, Never Forget whimpers out of the West End. After six months of Mancunian boy-bandery, the Savoy will become home to caterwauling and casual violence from November 22. Yes, that's right – Carousel is back, and Lesley Garrett is leading the cast. The show's disturbing thread of wife - and child - battering isn't a standard topic of lunchtime banter for the liberated Loose Women ladies, but they'll undoubtedly be in the front row, cigarette lighters in hand and waving along to their colleague's rendition of You'll Never Walk Alone.
Garrett last appeared in London's Theatreland as the Mother Abbess in The Sound of Music, exhorting Connie Fisher to climb ev'ry mountain, ford ev'ry stream, and so on. Maria, the Captain and all the little Von Trapps may be heading out of the Palladium next year but it looks like more nuns will move in: Sister Act will open in June 2009, having already toured the US without making it as far as Broadway. No casting has been announced, but if Brenda Edwards isn't linked with it, I shall be extremely surprised.
If the rumours are to be believed, another ex-reality show contestant is hoping to emulate Edwards' West End success. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat has finally extended its booking period beyond the Lee Mead era, but no replacement has been confirmed. The latest name suggested to fit the loincloth (following in the footsteps of rumours of Zac Efron and Gethin Jones) is Pop Idol runner-up, ex-boyfriend of Jordan and qualified speech coach, Gareth Gates. He made his theatre debut this summer in A Spoonful of Stiles and Drewe, and he skated to Razzle Dazzle in this year's Dancing on Ice, which makes him eminently qualified to don the coat of many colours.
Speaking of a touch of razzle-dazzle, if you're a singer who's not sold many records lately, an actor short of work, or you're reasonably well-known and nobody really knows why, Chicago is the show for you (see: Ashlee Simpson, Tony Hadley, Kelly Osbourne). Last year's Strictly Come Dancing winner Alesha Dixon has confirmed that she was offered a contract at the Cambridge theatre this time last year, but turned it down in favour of a record deal. Aoife Mulholland (yes, yet another reality TV reject) is back in Roxie Hart's fishnets until the new year, but Dixon is quoted as saying she's still keen to make her West End debut if the offer remains on the table. Watch this space.
Hot ticket: People who hate musicals frequently point to the screen version of Barbara Streisand's Yentl as an example of the worst excesses of the genre. Streisand didn't allow anyone else to sing a single song in the entire film, including her leading man, Mandy Patinkin. Tony award-winning Patinkin must have wondered why on earth she badgered him for months to take the part, if not for his musical theatre expertise. Thankfully, he's touring a one-man show so we can see what we missed. The show celebrates the great songwriters from Cole Porter to Stephen Sondheim and is playing for just nine dates in London at the Duke of York's from January 8.
A musical for people who hate musicals: As promised, I shall make occasional recommendations for the uninitiated on the best shows to ease themselves in with. Top of my list at the moment is Hairspray. How could anyone turn down an evening with Michael Ball in red sequins? If you can come out of this without a smiling face and a thoroughly gladdened heart, then it's possible that you may never like anything – animal, vegetable or musical.
