And here is Stuart James’s match report:
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Cheers for reading everyone. We’ve got Valencia v Atletico Madrid later on, so stick around for that one too. Night!
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And that’s your lot. My days United were bad - there’s not much point in blaming the red card for that defeat - it wasn’t as if they were knocking on the door with any particular gusto before it, and they didn’t especially cave to mountains of pressure from West Brom after it. They simply conceded a goal, then didn’t do anything to get an equaliser. Yesterday, against much better opposition, even Arsenal showed some stones to come back and salvage something from the game. That’s pretty worrying.
Full-time: West Brom 1-0 Manchester United
Peeeeeeeeeep.
Updated
90 mins + 4: The ball drops to Fosu-Mensah but he takes a big swing and slices the thing almost backwards. And that would appear to be that...
90 mins +3: Pocognoli hoofs a long ball towards Rondon, but he can’t quite hold the ball up, it falls to Gardner who does more or less the same.
90 mins + 2: Rondon tries to break down the right, with McClean calling for the ball over on the left, but he can’t get the pass over and the attack breaks down.
90 mins: United try to build an attack, but do so like a slightly slow child building a house with Lego. Four minutes of added time will be played.
“So what with the Liverpool result earlier, this blows the race for 6th place wide open,” writes Alix. “Let’s hope we don’t lose all this Big Club Excitement™ to some European Super League, eh?”
88 mins: Change for West Brom - Berahino goes off, replaced by Sandro.
87 mins: McClean shepherds the ball out for a corner on the left, which Gardner takes his sweet time in going over for. It’s played back to Yacob who crosses into the box, but that’s easily claimed by De Gea at the back stick.
85 mins: The thing that should be most worrying for United is that they haven’t really even threatened much since West Brom’s goal. Or that they can’t perform basic footballing tasks: Memphis is penalised for a foul throw. Eeesh.
83 mins: Ah - United’s wildcard that will definitely change the game. Tim Fosu-Mensah is on, replacing Darmian.
81 mins: “You’re just a BLEEP Man City” sing the West Brom fans. Hmmm, needs work that one, lads and lasses.
80 mins: The PA just made that noise again. This should tell you the game has quietened down a bit recently.
78 mins: Pocognoli is certainly providing some threat down the left. He barrels down that flank and again hits a cross into the middle on the run, it falls to Fletcher but his hoik into the box is gathered by De Gea.
77 mins: Memphis has a free-kick over on the left, he swings it in, there’s no real attacking presence of any note but Olsson swings a boot at it - he cleared the thing in the end, but that could’ve gone anywhere.
75 mins: Change for United - Rashford is off, and Memphis Depay is on. Meanwhile Lingard appears to have a nosebleed or similar, so for the moment United are down to nine men.
74 mins: Here’s that Mike Dean assault on Rashford from earlier...
Oh that's first class.#CelebrityRefs
— Celebrity Refs (@CelebrityRefs) March 6, 2016
(via @northwestgooner)
pic.twitter.com/uGodSzRA67
73 mins: Marie Meyer has been doing some power rankings: “After the live update, this weekend’s 2nd Yellow Card Sheepishness Table looks like this:
1 Mata
2 Coquelin
3 Milner
72 mins: All pretty depressing this for United. Sure, they’re down to ten men, but it’s not as if West Brom had been piling on the pressure so they eventually broke. The red does provide a ready-made excuse for Van Gaal though, so there’s that...
70 mins: West Brom bawl for a penalty as Blind clambers all over Rondon like he’s a climbing frame, but instead the forward is penalised for backing in.
68 mins: Sub for West Brom - Sessegnon is removed, and James McClean is on.
66 mins: Aha! Some action! Pocognoli gets down the left and fires a low ball into the middle, Rondon takes a brilliant first touch with his right then belts it low into the net with his left. He had a bit too much space but there wasn’t a massive amount United could’ve done about that, really.
GOAL! West Brom 1-0 Manchester United (Rondon 66)
Goal! Right in the goal!
Updated
65 mins: “The football must be fairly bad if the crackling noises of the PA are more interesting...” writes Colum Farrelly. And that the last three updates have been reader emails rather than descriptions of some red hot footballing action.
64 mins: Justin Kavanagh writes in: “Speaking of bellowing coaches, it’d be interesting to hear King Louis shout ANYTHING AT ALL at his United players mid-match. Even when he flung himself to the ground in front of the 4th official last week, the notepad never left his safe clutches. I’ve known more emotionally demonstrative tax accountants.”
63 mins: “Did you see the blatant off-the-ball trip by Dean on Rashford? Where’s the consistency referee?” asks Michael Collins. Actually I didn’t, I must have been checking something on the liveblog, but the internet confirms it happened. Dirty boy, Mike.
62 mins: Change for United - Morgan Schneiderlin is on for Herrera.
61 mins: Pocognoli makes some tracks down the left and whips in a low cross to the near post, but Berahino puts a tough chance wide of the frame.
60 mins: Think the PA at the Hawthorns is on the fritz - there have been a couple of weird crackling/farting noises coming from it in the second half so far. Will keep you updated on that as the game goes on.
59 mins: Herrera tries a low, placed effort but it hits the shins of someone in the wall, then there’s a few minutes of head tennis in the area before the ball is cleared.
58 mins: He’s up there on his own but Martial is providing the West Brom defence with some problems. He breaks at pace towards goal, skips past one defender then is taken down inside the D by Olsson, who gets a booking for his trouble. Free-kick in a very dangerous position, just to the left of centre here...
55 mins: Change for West Brom - Craig Dawson appears to have gone over on his ankle, so spelling’s Sebastien Pocognoli comes on. He’ll go to left-back as James Chester shifts to the right to take Dawson’s place.
54 mins: Woof! Great effort from Lingard, cutting in from the left and launching a fierce shot towards the top corner, but it goes just over the bar and flutters the top of the net on its way over. Foster looked disproportionately nonchalant about that one.
53 mins: That corner comes to nothing, but a minute or so later United have another from the left, and again it’s headed clear at the near-post. The ball breaks to Rojo on the left flank and he crosses, it strikes Gardner on the arm just outside the box, but nothing doing from his great Deanness. File under ‘You’ve Seen Them Given...’
51 mins: Chance for Rashford - the ball squirts out to him on the edge of the box, he lines up a left-footed effort and shoots, but it’s blocked by a diving Olsson and goes behind for a corner.
Updated
50 mins: Brilliant burst of pace from Rashford down the left creates a crossing opportunity, but either because nobody could keep up with him or due to United’s simple lack of numbers, there wasn’t really an attacker to take advantage of the pull-back.
48 mins: Sessegnon gives the left flank a go, and cuts in from that side, laying off a pass to Berahino, but Smalling nips in and gets a toe to it first.
47 mins: Rashford hasn’t scored a goal yet today. Drop him, cancel his contract.
Updated
46 mins: And the game has started again. No changes for either side at present.
The players are back out, and we’re on on on.
“I’ve heard coaches at U8 games here in soccerball country,” writes Peter Oh, presumably from America, “bellow cringeworthy “instructions” such as “Kick it!” and “Big kick!” from the touchline, at glass-shattering volume. I can only hope that Pulis’ Premier League version is slightly more sophisticated than that.”
In all this red card shock, it'll be forgotten that prior to it, Mata beat 2 [two] men. Incredible scenes.
— Daniel Harris (@DanielHarris) March 6, 2016
Here’s JR in Illinois on a weekend of dunces: “This has to be the weekend with the most idiotic second yellow cards ever. Yesterday Coquelin and Mirallas and today Milner and Mata. Coquelin’s was obviously the dumbest because it was such a huge game but if you take that context away I’d say they are all close to identical.”
Well, this hasn’t been the greatest game of football. Actually, let’s stop pussy-footing around - it’s been rubbish, with not a clear chance between the two teams (other than that McAuley header that was offside anyway, apparently), and the only point of excitement being the Mata red card, about which he’ll presumably write a nice blog and offer hugs to the United fans.
Half-time: West Brom 0-0 Manchester United
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
45 mins + 1: Nice work by Lingard, some quick feet taking him down the left at some pace but his low cross is blocked.
45 mins: The fourth official has indicated there will be a minimum of one minute added time.
44 mins: Bit of a chance for West Brom, as Berahino flicks a pass to Rondon on the right of the box, he shoots but snatches at it rather and it’s deflected behind for a corner. That corner is taken short, and wasted rather.
Updated
43 mins: Excellent loud managers update from Stuart Goodacre: “When Major Frank Buckley was Wolves boss before the war, he used to coach his team by bellowing obscenities through a megaphone. Eventually it was taken off him when Molineux’s neighbours complained.”
41 mins: Both Blind and Darmian have a go at fouling Gardner on the West Brom left, the latter succeeds but for reasons passing understanding Dean says no free-kick. Weird one.
39 mins: First chance for United in a while. Lingard chases a ball down the left then cuts it back to Martial, but his shot is fairly easily blocked. Martial seems to be playing down the middle now with Lingard left and Rashford right.
37 mins: Olsson plays a long ball up to noted target man Berahino, who nonetheless wins the knock-down and sets up Sessegnon for the shot, but his effort doesn’t quite have enough power and De Gea makes a relatively comfortable save down to his left.
35 mins: Jason O’Mahoney is on decibel-watch: “Don’t know about loudest voice but Hotshot Hamish had a manager, Ian McWhacker, who terrified the Scottish giant and his pet sheep McMutton. McWhacker would routinely dress up as a monster (“the Claw”) to scare the team into playing better... Beat that, Pulis!”
34 mins: West Brom having a bit of joy with crosses. Dawson puts a low ball into the box which Berahino gets to, but his shot is blocked well by Smalling. Rondon then fouls Smalling, and when the free-kick is given he offers a low-five to Mike Dean. We don’t like to see incidents like that in the game.
32 mins: Half chance for West Brom as Fletcher loops a long cross to the back post which goes over De Gea’s head, but the angle was too tight for Rondon’s header to do anything but fall onto the roof of the goal.
Updated
31 mins: So that’s noted hard nuts James Milner and Juan Mata sent off today. What would Ron Harris think?
30 mins: Nick Parmenter isn’t happy: “As always the inconsistency in officiating is unbelievable - Eric Dier yesterday has a clear second booking not given.. Yet Mata doesn’t even get a warning before a second yellow??”
Well if you don’t think that was worth a booking then we might be watching different sports, but in these sort of situations you can surely only demand consistency if it’s the same referee. The lack of consistency yesterday came from Dier not being booked for very similar offences that others had been given yellows for.
28 mins: The world is turned upside down: hatchet man Mata is sent off for a naughty foul, then creative maestro Dawson tries an audacious 35-yard half-volley that nearly dips over a scrambling De Gea and into the far corner, but in the end goes just wide.
RED CARD - Mata sent off!
26 mins: That nice young man has the bath all to himself. Just minutes after the first booking Mata takes a big swing and goes in late on Fletcher’s shins, and that’s as clear a second booking as you could see.
Updated
25 mins: “LINESMAN! LINESMAN!” bawls Pulis as Rojo steals a few yards on a throw. Being an official near the West Brom manager must be the worst job in the world.
24 mins: A booking for Mata, who stops West Brom from taking a free-kick from about four yards away. There can rarely have been a more pointless yellow card.
23 mins: ...and they so very nearly score. Gardner whips in a quite brilliant cross betwixt defence and keeper that De Gea doesn’t come for, McAuley heads at the back post but it goes across the goal and wide. The lino’s flag went up, but the replays suggested that at best only his eyebrows were offside.
Updated
22 mins: Carrick gives away a free-kick that West Brom try to take quickly, but Mike Dean, enemy of fun and spontaneity, orders them to retake it.
20 mins: Gardner tries a hugely ambitious shot with his right foot, but Martial flings a left leg in the way and it goes behind for a corner which David de Gea claims with little bother.
19 mins: A free-kick to West Brom for a (very) high boot by Daley Blind on Berahino just - and I do mean just - outside the box. A matter of inches, that, right on the right corner. Gardner steps up...
17 mins: Half chance for Berahino. Fletcher clips a lovely ball into the box, Gardner runs across the defence to nod it back for Berahino but he doesn’t quite get hold of his shot and the half-block by Smalling is enough to prevent any sort of danger.
15 mins: Bobby Charlton is in the crowd and is wearing a hat one might usually associate with one of the Untouchables.
13 mins: Carrick tries a big diagonal looking for Martial on the left flank, but the forward can’t quite get his leg up high enough to control it.
11 mins: Tony Pulis surely has the loudest voice of any Premier League manager. You can hear him constantly barking instructions to his men. Any advance on him, past or present?
Updated
10 mins: Bit of pressure from West Brom. Rondon - who could really bully these United centre-backs today - barrels down the right channel of the box and cuts a pass back, but it’s a little behind Berahino and it’s cleared.
9 mins: Chance for West Brom, as Rondon drifts to the left, curls an inswinging cross into the middle where Craig Dawson, for some reason, finds himself, but his header (aided by climbing all over Martial) from about ten yards out goes well wide.
Updated
8 mins: Nice move by United, as Mata dashes through a few challenges down the right, slips infield for Martial, who shifts it to Ander Herrera but his clipped pass over the top is too far ahead of Rashford and drifts away harmlessly.
6 mins: Looks like a loose 4-4-2 for West Brom, with Stephane Sessegnon on the right, Craig Gardner on the left, then Berahino and Salomon Rondon up top.
5 mins: All United so far, and United in their absolute pomp: which is to say they’ve had almost all the possession but have barely done anything with it. They even manage to turn a corner into an opportunity to pointlessly pass it around 40 yards from the opposition goal. Could be a long old afternoon.
2 mins: First shot of the day comes from Anthony Martial, who out-scraps Darren Fletcher about 30 yards from the Baggies’ goal, advances a little then shoots, but it’s straight at Ben Foster who gathers with little mither.
1 min: And we’re away. Manchester United are kicking right to left, and for those of you watching in black and white, they’re playing in red jerseys, black shorts and black stockings.
The players are out, and we are quite literally seconds away from some piping hot action.
Oh, lovely stuff - Sky attempt to get us all in the mood by playing You Think I Ain’t Worth A Dollar But I Feel Like A Millionaire by the Queens of the Stone Age. Here’s the live version, in full screamy glory.
Gertcha match report here: Dominic Fifield was at Selhurst Park to see Crystal Palace 1-2 Liverpool.
Also if Spanish football/one set of absurdly talented footballers bullying another set of much less talented footballers is more your bag, Lawrence Ostlere has Eibar v Barcelona here.
Liverpool have just won in slightly implausible fashion at Crystal Palace, but more importantly one of their coaching staff absolutely stacked it celebrating the late winner (by Christian Benteke, from a penner). Read all about it with yer man Rob Smyth.
Look at their mums’ happy faces! Lovely.
Ajax players walked on the pitch with their mums for Mother's Day in Holland. Class. pic.twitter.com/2Y7SIHEHHv
— Transfer Related (@TransferRelated) March 6, 2016
Meanwhile, here’s Mike Dean, showing that he only takes his headset off to shower.
So the Baggies are unchanged, perhaps unsurprisingly, from the 2-2 draw with Leicester in the week, but United make onetwothreefour alterations: Mike Chris Smalling and Matteo Darmian are out, replacing Tim Fosu-Mensah and Guillermo Varela in defence, while Jesse Lingard replaces Memphis Depay and Michael Carrick is in for Morgan Schneiderlin.
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Team news
West Bromwich Albion
Foster; Dawson, McAuley, Olsson, Chester; Yacob, Fletcher, Gardner; Sessegnon, Rondon, Berahino. Subs: Anichebe, Myhill, McClean, Pocognoli, Lambert, Pritchard, Sandro.
Manchester United
De Gea; Darmian, Smalling, Blind, Rojo; Carrick, Herrera; Lingard, Mata, Martial; Rashford. Subs: Romero, Fosu-Mensah, Varela, Schneiderlin, Weir, Fellaini, Memphis.
Referee: Mike Dean (Wirral)
Pre-amble
What a wheeze it would turn out to be if, in this season universally acknowledged as the most miserable in Manchester United’s recent history, Louis van Gaal’s army eventually managed to consign Pep Guardiola to the Europa League and win that competition themselves, which would of course involve beating Liverpool along the way. That perhaps wouldn’t erase the thoroughly mind-numbing football that those at Old Trafford have been forced to endure this term, but would present the whole campaign as something akin to a success.
That’s perfectly possible, too. A win for United here at the Hawthorns would put them back level on points with City, goal difference alone separating the two sides as they tumble towards the end of this season. And what about Marcus Rashford, the young whelp who Van Gaal is being credited with blooding into the United first-team despite having literally nobody else to play up front, but has nonetheless provided a little light in the unending chasm of grey that the last seven or so months have been.
Of course it isn’t just the turgid football that has given cause for complaint. Today represents a chance for United to win three games in a row for just the second time this season (Liverpool, Sunderland and Southampton in September, since you ask, victories that put them top of the table. What a world), which is not, to say the least, exactly the form of dominant super-champions. Still, that Rashford-inspired win over Arsenal last week and another success against Watford in the week is better than a kick in the swingers.
What of West Brom, then? What hope do they have to give this season some memorable tint? They’re not going to go down, it’s hard to see them finishing in the top half (they’re currently 13th), out of the FA Cup...it’s not much of a life, is it? They could have some fun scuppering other people’s fun (Arsenal, City and Spurs remain on their fixture list for the remainder of the season), but that’s still not the greatest, is it?
Maybe the rest of the campaign is just a farewell tour for Saido Berahino, the star in one of the great transparent narratives of our time: say sorry, be nice, then we’ll play you, then we’ll sell you like you’ve wanted for ages now. Or maybe it will be an exhibition of the tactical evolution of Tony Pulis, a man who likes quantity when it comes to centre-backs but has started playing a flamboyant 4-3-3 system in recent weeks, a set-up that has proved rather successful. Let us gently observe as these two squabble over three points.
Kick-off: 16.00 GMT
