FULL TIME: West Bromwich Albion 4-0 West Ham United
And that’s that. West Bromwich Albion were brilliant, solid in defence but especially impressive in attack. However West Ham were nothing short of appalling. Not exactly a tactical masterclass from Sam Allardyce, either, the Hammers boss leaving his second-half switches far too late. Somewhere in Manchester, a certain someone could be excused for leaning back in his chair, throwing his feet up on the desk, pouring himself a large brandy, and putting a cigar on.
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90 min +2: Well, West Ham United won’t be adding to their three FA Cups. But will West Brom put another alongside their five? They’re the first team in the quarter-final hat, deservedly so. One game from Wembley, two from the final!
90 min +1: There will be three additional minutes, of which this is the first.
90 min: Gamboa comes on for the excellent Gardner.
89 min: Corner for West Ham, down the left. Tomkins gets a head to the set piece, but can’t guide it goalwards. Symbolically ineffective. West Brom clear.
88 min: McManaman, dancing at speed down the inside right, cuts inside and curls a shot towards the top left. It’s a stupendously good effort, mere millimetres wide of the goal, Adrian nowhere near it. That might have lightly, but decisively, brushed off the back of Tomkins’ shorts as it flew towards the goal, but it’s a goal kick.
86 min: No hat-trick for Ideye, who is replaced by 2003 finalist Chris Baird. Ideye does get the warmest of standing ovations, though. He’s been magnificent this afternoon. It’s well deserved.
85 min: O’Brien comes straight thorugh Gardner, and should be booked, but isn’t.
84 min: Morrison has the ball in acres, just in front of the West Ham D. The away side appear to have given up. Morrison should shoot, really, but attempts to find Ideye with a can-opener of a pass through the defence. It’s mishit. The home side are trying their best to give Ideye a chance to get his hat-trick.
82 min: Another corner to West Brom, down the right. Brunt takes. Ideye tries to meet it at the near post, but it’s cleared well by Tomkins. But the Baggies are soon boinging back. Morrison picks up the ball down the inside right, drops a shoulder, and fizzes one towards the bottom right. It’s not a great effort, gathered easily enough by Adrian, but he’s in credit after that stunner in the first half.
80 min: Ideye flicks gorgeously to release Berahino down the inside right. Berahino slips the ball wide to McManaman, who fires low to the near post, where Ideye flicks again, this time powerfully towards the right-hand side of goal. Adrian parries well, over the bar and out for a corner. The set piece comes to nothing, but West Brom are sparkling in attack this afternoon.
78 min: Sessegnon is replaced by the 2013 FA Cup final man of the match, Callum McManaman.
76 min: Dawson is released into acres of space down the right. The appalling Cresswell panics, backtracking and allowing Dawson to make it into the area. He shoots hard towards the top left. Adrian parries clear. West Ham are all over the place.
75 min: Sessegnon feeds Ideye down the right. Ideye fancies his hat-trick, and batters a low shot goalwards. It’s blocked, out for a corner on the right. The set piece comes to nothing, but West Ham are flirting with humiliation at the Hawthorns.
GOAL! West Bromwich Albion 4-0 West Ham United (Berahino 72)
A comedy of errors for West Ham. Gardner slips a ball round the corner, releasing Berahino down the inside-right channel and into the box. Berahino should be about six yards offside, but Cresswell, snoozing, is playing him on. Berahino then batters a low shot into the bottom-right corner, Adrian beaten at his near post. West Ham’s supporters are flooding out of the ground. This is all over.
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Red card for Amalfitano!
70 min: Morgan Amalfitano is not very clever, and West Ham’s super-slim chance of clawing their way back into this match is gone. Amalfitano has looked a threat up front since coming on, but he’s only a threat to himself here. He swipes at the back of Brunt’s ankles, then gets up and slaps him in the face. Off you go!
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68 min: A double change for West Ham, Big Sam’s last throw of the dice. Sakho and Song depart, with Cole and O’Brien coming on. The switch up front is met with a few boos by the West Ham faithful. It’s not quite the reaction to West Ham’s abysmal 5-0 defeat at Nottingham Forest last season, but it’s something.
66 min: What a chance for West Ham! Cresswell whips a ball in from the left. Sakho meets it with his head, six yards out. He’s aiming for the bottom left, with Foster having gone the other way. But Foster switches direction in mid-air, Billy the Fish style, and gets something on the ball, enough to allow McAuley to hack off the line! That looked a certain goal, but what a defensive combination!
65 min: Yacob, Berahino and Ideye triangulate down the inside-left channel, volleying each pass. It’s very pretty, and it’s straight out of a video game. Tomkins gets fed up and comes across to intercept, but for a second it looked like the home side were going to grab a fourth.
63 min: Kouyate steps forward in the Beckenbaueresque style, and carves West Brom apart with a power pass down the inside-left channel. Sakho would have been clear on goal if he could have trapped the ball, but lets it run away from him, and Foster clears. Still, a goal now, and you never know how West Brom would react.
62 min: A little deflection off Kouyate for Ideye’s header back there. It might have sent the ball out of Adrian’s reach, it might not. But it was still quite an effort on the striker’s part.
60 min: Amalfitano comes on for Nolan, but the horse has surely bolted.
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GOAL! West Bromwich Albion 3-0 West Ham United (Ideye 57)
This should be over now. Brunt curls a majestic cross into the West Ham area from the left. That’s impossible to defend! Ideye should blooter home from six yards, but misses the ball completely. No matter! Berahino picks up possession on the right, sends a deflected cross back towards his strike partner, and powers a header into the top left! That’s a stunning header, because there was no pace whatsoever on Berahinho’s cross. What neck muscles, huh.
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55 min: Lescott upends Sakho in the agricultural manner, 25 yards from goal. It should be a free kick, but the referee waves play on, as Song is released into the area down the left. Song chips lamely into the arms of Foster. Not really much of an advantage, that, with Song on his weaker side, and being a defensive midfielder to boot. Lescott doesn’t even get booked retrospectively when the play stops, which adds insult to injury.
54 min: A common-or-garden rake down the middle. If Berahinho was able to take the ball in his stride, he’d have been clear on goal. But he miscontrols, and is forced wide left by Tomkins. So close to this tie being over.
52 min: From the resulting free kick, in the middle of the park, West Ham guide the ball into the West Brom net. But it won’t count. Tomkins hit long, Downing guided a header on diagonally from the right-hand edge of the D, and Nolan backheeled into the left-hand portion of the goal. But Nolan had been caught offside the minute Tomkins hit the long set piece, so it was all for naught. Better from the visitors, though, who at least have improved territorially.
51 min: Dawson presses his studs onto Sakho’s leg. That should probably have been a yellow.
50 min: A West Ham corner from the left. Easily cleared by West Brom. The visitors are missing Andy Carroll today. The home side are looking pretty comfortable right now.
49 min: ♫ Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was for just one day ♯
Wouldn’t it be good if we could wish ourselves away ♫
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47 min: A bit of sterile possession for West Ham. Tomkins goes long down the left, looking for Sakho, but McAuley heads clear with purpose, and with ease. On the West Brom bench, there are quite a few folk sporting the Kershaw-Berahino Look. This is officially a trend, then.
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And we’re off again! No changes. West Ham have presumably been given the textbook You Got Us Into This, You Get Us Out Of It bollocking. West Brom get the ball rolling again.
Half-time entertainment: The much-missed Jeff Astle here, recreating the infamous goal that cost Leeds United the title in 1971.
The unpretentious comedy of Fantasy Football League was sometimes criticised at the time for being, on occasion, a tad cheap. But as the years fly by, modern banter-heavy programming such as Fletch and Sav makes it look like the collected works of Aristophanes.
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HALF TIME: West Bromwich Albion 2-0 West Ham United
And that’s that for the first 45. Big Sam’s side have been limp up front. Perhaps they should hit a few more long balls?
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45 min: This half is petering out. West Brom are obviously happy with the way this is going, West Ham desirous of regrouping before things get any worse. On another day, West Brom could easily have had a couple of penalty kicks. And they’ve rattled the bar. The 2-0 scoreline is more than fair. West Brom have been invigorating, West Ham not so much.
44 min: West Ham respond well, pressing the hosts back in their area for the first time in the match. A corner’s won down the right. Tomkins meets a deep set piece, six yards out, towering over McAuley, but plants his header over the bar and into the stand behind. A decent chance, that, perhaps West Ham’s best of the half.
GOAL! West Bromwich Albion 2-0 West Ham United (Morrison 42)
This had been coming. And this one is simple, yet brilliant. Morrison picks up a loose ball in the midfield, running away from a prone Noble. He takes a couple of touches, before firing a swerving, rising shot towards the top right. In it goes, a fully stretched Adrian given no chance whatsoever! This is no more than West Brom deserve.
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40 min: Downing pitching-wedges a ball down the inside-left channel in the hope of releasing Noble, but that’s a 7-iron. The ball flies into the stand, and on the bench Big Sam (©LVG) is looking miffed. West Ham aren’t doing much up front at all.
38 min: Gardner, 30 yards out down the left, cuts inside and unleashes a rising missile towards the top-left corner. It’s a smidgen too high, and batters the crossbar in the most violent manner. What a stunning shot, and so unlucky! The rebound falls to Sessegnon, on the edge of the area, but he can’t quite take the bouncing ball down cleanly, and his effort to guide the ball into the empty net - Adrian having dived out of the way in a futile effort to get a hand on Gardner’s shot - is wild and wide left. West Ham breathe again.
37 min: West Brom are winning on the pitch, but West Ham’s fans ensure their side are on top off it. Bubbles the dominant note.
35 min: Brunt swings a free kick into the West Ham box from a deep position down the left. It’s not really cleared by West Ham, and Sessegnon is afforded the chance to shoot from the right-hand edge of the D. It’s miles over the bar. “On this day of romantic days, your mention of rococo dribbles (8 min) put me in mind of a faux pas I once made when listening to my girlfriend play a tune she had composed on the piano,” writes Ian Copestake. “I wanted to say it sounded rococo but I misspoke and said gothic, something which put her in a huff and rendered either word impossible to say for the next two months without revisiting the dreaded scene.” Is this the most Guardianesque lovers’ tiff ever? It is, isn’t it.
31 min: Jacob jumps into a tackle on Sakho with both feet off the floor. He wins the ball, and doesn’t touch the man, but he wasn’t in control, and could easily have seen red. Sakho had to pull out, saving a potentially ugly scene. You’ve Seen Them Sent Off For That. Yes, this is getting old, but I’ll stop when they do.
28 min: Berahino slides the ball down the inside-right channel to release Gardner clear on goal. He pearls a shot towards the bottom left. Adrian parries, but turns out Gardner’s offside anyway. Only just, mind, and you wonder whether the attacker should have had the benefit there, so close is the decision. You’ve Seen The Flag Stay Down.
25 min: To counter-balance that, there’s a suggestion that Dawson took Gardner’s pass in the build-up for the goal down with his upper arm, and that Ideye had a toenail, perhaps a toe, offside. To flag for either ‘offence’ would have been harsh, but again, You’ve Seen The Flag Go Up For Those. West Brom are the dominant team now, though, so the lead’s deserved on balance.
23 min: Gardner looks for the top left from 25 yards. Adrian parries into the air, not particularly convincingly, and the ball squirts over the crossbar. From the corner, hit deep, Ideye and Nolan tussle to the left of the goal. Nolan sticks a leg out, and he’s bundled the striker over there, you know. Perhaps Ideye exaggerated the fall. File another under You’ve Seen Them Given.
22 min: The fifth round is, of course, when fans start dreaming of Wembley. One step to the quarters. Baggies fans will now be thinking of their first final since 1968. All quite a bit previous, of course, but it’s the way supporters are hard-wired. West Ham’s support won’t have given up on their first final in nine years, of course, and belt out I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles accordingly.
GOAL! West Bromwich Albion 1-0 West Ham United (Ideye 20)
This is a brilliantly simple, direct goal. Gardner, down the inside-left channel near the centre circle, sprays a diagonal pass towards Dawson on the right. Cresswell misjudges the flight, allowing Dawson to race down the wing and into the area. He slides the ball into the centre, where the in-form Ideye sidefoots high into the net from six yards!
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17 min: And it’s another three rugby union points for West Ham. Valencia looks to curl one into the top right, but gets far too much power on the ball. It clears the West Brom wall, but it’s never coming back down. Over the bar it goes, though the Hammers are at least getting a bit closer.
16 min: It’s bright, this, without being brilliant. Both teams seem in the mood to go for the win. West Brom have been pressing, but West Ham shuttle upfield. After triangulating awhile, Downing’s released down the right. His dinked cross is cleared, but under a high ball on the edge of the D, Gardner clatters Valencia to the ground. This’ll be another free kick for the visitors in a dangerous position.
13 min: Tomkins leaps for a high ball with Dawson in the middle of the park. He goes over Dawson’s head, and lands on his head, back and hip at the same time. Ooyah, oof. West Ham can’t afford yet another injury to a central defender, on the bones of their arse as they already are. Happily for the visitors, Tomkins is up and about after having a wee restorative 60-second sleep on the floor.
10 min: Morrison breaks down the left, and upon reaching the byline cuts a firm ball back into the area. Gardner, coming in from the right having lost Cresswell, meets the ball first time on the penalty spot, and sidefoots a marvellous effort inches wide of the left-hand post. Not sure Adrian was getting to that, had it been on target. Superb play.
9 min: Justice for Jeff.
8 min: Morrison goes on a rococo dribble down the inside-right channel and into the area. He eventually shoots, but scuffs it. The ball pings up off Tomkins’ heel, and onto Nolan’s shoulder. Or is it his upper arm? You’ve seen those given, but it would have been a harsh decision nonetheless. To be fair, West Brom don’t really moan about it that much. West Ham go upfield, Valencia cutting in from the left and dragging a shot well wide. Good end-to-end entertainment.
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6 min: Cresswell scores three rugby-union points. A dreadful effort, sent miles over the bar as he falls backwards. Look on the bright side: John Terry, David Beckham and Wayne Rooney have all done that in the past, and during much higher-profile matches too, so Cresswell’s in good company.
5 min: Noble breaks down the inside-right channel, sent on his way by a lovely pass round the corner from Downing. Brunt pulls him back, just outside the area. This will be a free kick for the Hammers in a dangerous position, just in front of the box, by its right-hand corner.
3 min: Berahino causes a bit of bother down the left wing. He slips a little ball inside for Sessegnon, who looks to shuttle it further inside for Ideye, on the penalty spot. But Tomkins steps in to clatter clear.
2 min: A scrappy start. A thundering atmosphere, though, with the travelling fans in particular giving it plenty.
And we’re off! West Ham, wearing their trademark claret and blue, get the ball rolling. West Brom still aren’t allowed to sport their famous navy blue and white stripes, they’ve got that preposterous white-with-blue-pinstripe effort on. The recent kit-based travails of Southampton can give West Brom succour here; the marketing men will give you your colours back eventually.
The teams pretty much as expected, Darren Fletcher cup-tied, Brown Ideye finding his form, Cheikhou Kouyate covering in defence, Andy Carroll out for the season, and so on, and so forth. But never mind that. “Has Saido Berahino stolen that hood thing from a giant,” wonders Mac Millings, “or does he just have a tiny little head?” It’s quite a fashion statement. I could be wrong, but is that a snood, as popularised in 1984 by Wouldn’t It Be Good star and future Chesney Hawkes hitmaker Nik Kershaw? It’s a strong look, whatever it is. And functional in this weather, too. In fact, I’m surprised the snood hasn’t already been reclaimed by east-end hipsters. The first rumblings of a new movement in the Midlands, a bit like heavy metal in the late 1960s, or the Football League in the 1880s.
Cast and crew
West Bromwich Albion: Foster, McAuley, Dawson, Lescott, Sessegnon, Gardner, Morrison, Yacob, Brunt, Berahino, Ideye.
Subs: Wisdom, Olsson, Baird, Myhill, Pocognoli, Gamboa, McManaman.
West Ham United: Adrian, Jenkinson, Tomkins, Kouyate, Cresswell, Song, Nolan, Noble, Downing, Sakho, Valencia.
Subs: O’Brien, Demel, Amalfitano, Jaaskelainen, Cole, Henry, Lee.
Referee: Martin Atkinson (W Yorkshire)
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West Bromwich Albion and West Ham United may not be too sorry to have drawn each other in this fifth-round FA Cup tie. For the winner of a Baggies-Hammers cup showdown often goes on to lift the trophy! All right, it’s happened twice. And only once in the FA Cup. But something’s better than nothing, right, huh?
West Brom and West Ham met in the 1966 League Cup final. It was a two-legged affair back in the day. West Ham won the first leg at the Boleyn Ground 2-1, Budgie Byrne and Bobby Moore giving Ron Greenwood’s side the advantage, Jeff Astle scoring for Jimmy Hagan’s men. But the unhappy Hammers were blown away within 34 minutes of the second leg at the Hawthorns. A rampant West Brom scored four times, John Kaye scoring one and missing three chances in the first 17 minutes. Clive Clark added a second on 18, following up after Tony Brown had lobbed Hammers keeper Jim Standen. Clark’s diving header made it three, then Jeff Astle set up Graham Williams for a fourth. Martin Peters headed a late consolation for West Ham on 74 minutes, but the jig was up. Poor Martin. Let’s hope the remainder of 1966 was a little kinder to him.
Fourteen years on, the teams met at the Hawthorns in the third round of the FA Cup. Trevor Brooking shimmied past two men to set up Stuart Pearson on 33 minutes, after which West Brom laid siege to the opposition goal. Phil Parkes stood firm - “a ten out of ten performance”, according to his manager John Lyall - although he could do nothing to stop Cyrille Regis’s last-minute equaliser, a low drive from the edge of the box through a thicket and into the corner. Much good it did the Baggies in the replay, mind; second-half goals from Geoff Pike and Brooking sealed the win, though Brown, a veteran of the 1966 League Cup triumph, pulled one back with a minute to go. West Ham had started the run that would take them all the way to the final, and a famous victory over Arsenal.
There have been other cup meetings, specifically FA Cup meetings, the first a 3-0 victory for West Ham in 1913, the latest a 2-0 win for the Hammers at the Hawthorns in 1993. But there’s no need to be completist about this.
Today’s match is a toughie to call. West Ham are perhaps the form horse - they’ve only lost three of their last 16, and those to Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool, while they should have beaten Manchester United last weekend - but West Brom are beginning to show signs of new boss Tony Pulis’s trademark resilience: a professional dispatch of Swansea in midweek, which followed a two-goal comeback at Burnley last Sunday. It’s on!
Kick off: 12.45pm.
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