That’s about it for today’s Clockwatch. We’ll have more match reports on the website shortly. Thanks for your company, bye!
Ed Aarons was at the Vitality Stadium on behalf of you, dearest reader. Here’s his report from Bournemouth 1-0 Swansea.
Here’s a bit more on Stoke’s relegation from your friend and mine, Nick Miller.
West Brom’s matchwinner Jake Livermore speaks “I don’t know what to say really. We’ve got that never-say-die attitude back. All we can do is take it game by game. We’ve been together all season despite our results. Hopefully we’ll get another win and see where it takes us.”
“West Brom,” says Bill Hargreaves, “are going to do a Leicester and with the Premier League next year.”
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“So Rob,” says Kevin Porter. “I took your advice and bet my mortagage on Coverntry and Morecambe ending 0-0. And after 10 minutes of nail biting anxiety that I might lose my home, I’m now £2.45 better off. Gee thanks, buddy. “
We’ll have reaction and match reports shortly. In the meantime, there’s plenty more live football for you to follow. You won’t believe the scores!
And here’s a round up of the main news so far
Stoke have been relegated to the Championship, but West Brom are still hanging on by a fingernail
Barnet have been relegated to the National League
The four teams in the League Two play-offs are Exeter, Notts County, Coventry and Lincoln
My bloody Fantasy Football hopes are in tatters
These are the final scores in today’s featured games
Premier League
- Bournemouth 1-0 Swansea
- Leicester 0-2 West Ham
- Watford 2-1 Newcastle
- West Brom 1-0 Spurs
League Two
- Barnet 3-0 Chesterfield
- Coventry 0-0 Morecambe
- Lincoln 0-1 Yeovil
- Mansfield 1-1 Crawley
SPL
- Aberdeen 0-0 Hibernian
- Rangers 1-0 Kilmarnock
Full time: Coventry 0-0 Morecambe. BARNET ARE RELEGATED
Coventry and Morecambe have played out a mutually agreeable 0-0 draw, which means Barnet are relegated to the National League.
Full times: Leicester 0-2 West Ham; West Brom 1-0 Spurs
West Brom have done it again! They still need a miracle, but it’s been a preposterous run under Darren Moore: 11 points from five games.
West Ham are surely safe after a terrific win at the King Power Stadium, in which Mark Noble scored a beautiful volley.
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Full time: Bournemouth 1-0 Swansea
A tame performance from Swansea, who will slip into the relegation places if Southampton win at Everton tonight.
Full time: Barnet 3-0 Chesterfield
Barnet did their job, but they are going down because of the draw between Coventry and Morecambe.
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Full time: Watford 2-1 Newcastle
A good win for Watford, which ensures they will be playing Premier League football next season.
I think Jake Livermore scored the winner against his old club, though nobody is quite sure who got the last touch.
GOAL! West Brom 1-0 Spurs (Livermore 90+2)
West Brom have scored!!! They are staying up for a bit longer!
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GOAL! Barnet 3-0 Chesterfield (Nicholls 88)
Alex Nicholls scores a superb goal to extend Barnet’s lead. They need four more in the last two minutes to move above Morecambe on goal difference. Coventry and Morecambe both declared at 0-0 after about an hour of their game.
Swindon 3-0 Accrington James Dunne of Swindon and Jimmy Dunne of Accrington have both been sent off at the same time, presumably after an argument about Christian name abbreviations.
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GOAL! Rangers 1-0 Kilmarnock (Bates 85)
David Bates has scored an important late goal at Ibrox. As a result, Rangers still have realistic hopes of finishing second.
West Brom 0-0 Tottenham Daniel Sturridge is 28 years old.
GOAL! Barnet 2-0 Chesterfield (Brindley 81)
Barnet are going down with honour. Richard Brindley’s goal has secured a fifth victory in the last eight games under Martin Allen.
GOAL! Lincoln 1-1 Yeovil (Pett 77)
The substitute Tom Pett has equalised for Lincoln! A draw would be enough to put them in the play-offs with Coventry, Exeter and Notts County.
West Brom 0-0 Spurs West Brom, who need a win to stay up, have taken off both their forwards.
Mansfield 1-1 Crawley Mansfield have had a goal disallowed for offside. As things stand, a winning goal would put them into the play-offs ahead of Lincoln.
Coventry 0-0 Morecambe You can put the mortgage on a 0-0 draw. We’ve been here before.
These are the latest scores in our featured games
Premier League
- Bournemouth 1-0 Swansea
- Leicester 0-2 West Ham
- Watford 2-1 Newcastle
- West Brom 0-0 Spurs
League Two
- Barnet 1-0 Chesterfield
- Coventry 0-0 Morecambe
- Lincoln 0-1 Yeovil
- Mansfield 1-1 Crawley
SPL
- Aberdeen 0-0 Hibernian
- Rangers 0-0 Kilmarnock
West Brom 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur Harry Kane is denied by a brilliant save from ... Hugo Lloris. That would have been a strange own goal. “Does he know own-goals don’t count towards the Golden Boot?” sniggers Matt Le Tissier on Sky Sports.
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West Brom 0-0 Tottenham West Brom are playing with 10 men behind the ball, diligently holding on to the draw that will secure relegation.
Coventry 0-0 Morecambe With both teams needing only a draw, the match has started to become a bit of a non-event. Barnet won’t be happy but it looks like they are going down to the National League.
GOAL! Mansfield 1-1 Crawley (Hemmings 64)
That’s a big goal at the One Call Stadium. Mansfield are level, and one more goal could put them in the play-offs. If they win and Lincoln lose - they are 1-0 down to Yeovil - Mansfield will be in the play-offs.
“For fans of Scottish football, deciding what the worst game you’ve ever seen is easy,” says Simon McMahon. “It’s always the next one.”
West Brom 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur Danny Rose is booked for putting hands on Allan Nyom, who visits the canvas in absurd fashion.
GOAL! Leicester 0-2 West Ham (Noble 64)
West Ham are surely staying up. The captain Mark Noble has doubled their lead with a storming long-range volley at Filbert Street.
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“Bit harsh to cite this game as evidence of Spurs’ impending decline,” says SF Devereux. “Thanks to WBA’s turgid anti-football, that first 45 minutes might make this the worst game I’ve ever watched, beating the long-time previous holder - a 1980s charity game between a Winsford United XI and the cast of Brookside.”
What about that Jimmy Corkhill, eh? What a beautiful false nine he was.
Bournemouth 1-0 Swansea Steve Cook has missed a great chance to make it 2-0, heading over from close range.
GOAL! Watford 2-1 Newcastle (Perez 55)
Newcastle, who were beyond inept in the first half, are back in the game at Vicarage Road thanks to a classy half-volley from Ayoze Perez.
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It’s all quiet at the start of the second half. Thus, I have precisely nothing to say except that these are the latest scores in our featured matches.
Premier League
- Bournemouth 1-0 Swansea
- Leicester 0-1 West Ham
- Watford 2-0 Newcastle
- West Brom 0-0 Spurs
League Two
- Barnet 1-0 Chesterfield
- Coventry 0-0 Morecambe
- Lincoln 0-1 Yeovil
- Mansfield 0-1 Crawley
SPL
- Aberdeen 0-0 Hibernian
- Rangers 0-0 Kilmarnock
West Brom 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur Salomon Rondon, usually so deadly in front of goal, has missed a great chance to put the home side ahead at Stoney Lane.
Peep peep! The second halves are under way. Barnet or Morecambe are 45 minutes away from the National League; West Brom need a goal or they will be going down to the Championship.
Half-time chit-chat
“Classic Machiavellian two-point plan from Benitez: get enough points to be safe, then be rubbish for the rest of the season to say ‘well what can I do, we need investment,’” says Shaun Wilkinson. “Genius!”
“Holy heat maps you should be watching the game at The Hawthorns,” says JR in Illinois. “Other than two saves by Foster and an Eriksen free kick that hit the wall West Brom have literally not touched the ball. (That is a factually correct statement now that the word ‘literally’ has been defined as meaning both literally and not literally.)
Looks like the fans are being treated to one final dose of Pulis-ball before they get relegated. This is really something else.”
Half time
That’s the end of a fairly quiet opening 45 minutes in the big games around Britain. As things stand West Brom are going down, and so are Barnet, but it’s all exquisitely tight. These are the half-time scores in our featured games.
Premier League
- Bournemouth 1-0 Swansea
- Leicester 0-1 West Ham
- Watford 2-0 Newcastle
- West Brom 0-0 Spurs
League Two
- Barnet 1-0 Chesterfield
- Coventry 0-0 Morecambe
- Lincoln 0-1 Yeovil
- Mansfield 0-1 Crawley
SPL
- Aberdeen 0-0 Hibernian
- Rangers 0-0 Kilmarnock
GOAL! Barnet 1-0 Chesterfield (Akinde 42)
Barnet are doing their job. A win will complete an astonishing escape if Coventry beat Morecambe. It’s currently 0-0 at Highfield Road.
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Spurs finished last season in brutal form, winning their last two games 6-1 and 7-1. This season is petering out somewhat, not helped by Harry Kane’s poor form. I wonder whether we might eventually reflect on that FA Cup semi-final defeat as the end of an era.
The latest scores in our featured games
Premier League
- Bournemouth 1-0 Swansea
- Leicester 0-1 West Ham
- Watford 2-0 Newcastle
- West Brom 0-0 Spurs
League Two (selected fixtures)
- Barnet 0-0 Chesterfield
- Coventry 0-0 Morecambe
- Lincoln 0-1 Yeovil
- Mansfield 0-1 Crawley
SPL (selected fixtures)
- Aberdeen 0-0 Hibernian
- Rangers 0-0 Kilmarnock
“Currently 0-0 between Cove and Cowdenbeath,” boasts Simon McMahon. “If it’s drama Ian Copestake is after he may be interested in a play I’m currently working on about Scottish football, called The Comedy of Basic Schoolboy Errors. It’s a tragicomedy.”
It’s a tragedy, isn’t it.
PENALTY SAVE! Watford 2-0 Newcastle
Paul Dummett is absurdly penalised for a foul on fresh air - but Troy Deeney’s penalty is saved by Martin Dubravka!
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GOAL! Bournemouth 1-0 Swansea (Fraser 37)
Bournemouth wanted a penalty - but it doesn’t matter because they have scored from the free-kick. It was worked neatly to Ryan Fraser, whose shot took a deflection and beat Fabianski. That’s exceedingly good news for Southampton.
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Bournemouth 0-0 Swansea A bit of controversy at the Vitality Stadium, where Callum Wilson is fouled right on the line of the penalty area. Bournemouth want a penalty; the referee gives a free-kick.
GOAL! Leicester 0-1 West Ham (Joao Mario 34)
Shortly after hitting the bar himself, the talismanic Marko Arnautovic sets up Joao Mario for the opening goal. This would be a huge win for West Ham.
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PENALTY SAVE! Lincoln 0-1 Yeovil
Matt Green has missed a great chance to equalise for Lincoln. His penalty was saved and he smacked the rebound against the bar.
West Brom 0-0 Spurs Harry Kane has been denied by an excellent save from Ben Foster at the Hawthorns.
GOAL! Watford 2-0 Newcastle (Gray 28)
Andre Gray heads into an empty net to extend Watford’s lead over a listless Newcastle. Watford are staying up.
Updated
Barnet continue to dominate Chesterfield at the Hive, but it’s still 0-0. They need to win to have any chance of staying up.
These are the latest scores in today’s, er, featured matches. Just count those goals!
Premier League
- Bournemouth 0-0 Swansea
- Leicester 0-0 West Ham
- Watford 1-0 Newcastle
- West Brom 0-0 Spurs
League Two (selected fixtures)
- Barnet 0-0 Chesterfield
- Coventry 0-0 Morecambe
- Lincoln 0-1 Yeovil
- Mansfield 0-1 Crawley
SPL (selected fixtures)
- Aberdeen 0-0 Hibernian
- Rangers 0-0 Kilmarnock
Updated
Leicester 0-0 West Ham West Ham are dominating at the King Power Stadium, albeit without creating many clear chances. It’s all a bit quiet in the Premier League, with just the one goal at Vicarage Road.
Bournemouth 0-0 Swansea Swansea are under a lot of pressure at the Vitality Stadium. Andrew Surman has missed an excellent chance for Bournemouth.
Still no goals at the bottom of League Two: it’s Barnet 0-0 Chesterfield and Coventry 0-0 Morecambe.
Bournemouth 0-0 Swansea Asmir Begovic has denied Swansea with an excellent double save. If Swansea win today you’d have to fancy them to stay up; their last two games are at home to Southampton and Stoke.
GOAL! Lincoln 0-1 Yeovil (Green 10)
Bad news for Lincoln, who are hanging on to the last play-off place in League Two. They need a draw to ensure a place, though they can afford to lose if Mansfield fail to win at home to Crawley.
This is the stage of the season when everyone has one particular phrase to hand: “as it stands”. With that in mind, I’d like you to consider the as it stands table on the last day of the Divizia C, Seria VIII-a 1983-84 season.
GOAL! Mansfield 0-1 Crawley (Ahearne-Grant 7)
An important goal in the battle for League Two play-off places. Mansfield, who need to win to have any chance of sneaking into the top seven, have gone behind at home to Crawley.
“Hi Rob,” says Felix Wood. “Why doesn’t Will Hughes get mentioned for England? We’re not exactly overwhelmed with two-footed, hard-running creative midfielders. Surely must be worth a punt, especially if the alternatives are Shelvey and Livermore.”
He’s got the potential to play international football but that’s all it is at this stage, no? A full season in the Premier League would help.
“One effect of Stoke getting relegated is three extra points for my Arsenal next season (though given our away form, that’s not really guaranteed),” says AB Parker. “No more away trips to the Britannia, and Ramsey getting booed for getting his leg broken. I have a few friends who are Stoke fans who I feel bad for, but their general behaviour towards Ramsey and chants about him walking with a limp will not be missed.”
Watford will be mathematically safe if they win, though realistically they can afford to lose 472-1.
GOAL! Watford 1-0 Newcastle (Pereyra 2)
An early goal at Vicarage Road, where Roberto Pereyra has curled Watford into the lead and completely jiggered my Fantasy Football title challenge.
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Full time | YES! #TRFC 4-2 @EUFCofficial - it was tense but we're at Wembley on Saturday 12 May! Chance to get back into the @EFL . Coach tickets will be on sale from @trfcstore after the game and match ticket info will be on the club website later.
— Tranmere Rovers (@TranmereRovers) May 5, 2018
“Having been eye deep in proofreading, I need some drama to distract me,” says Ian Copestake. “I would usually follow Arnautovic around as I think he is top and could be top, top. But something perverse draws me to West Brom.”
The 3pm matches are about to kick off. Let’s do some football!
“Hey Rob,” says JR in Illinois. “As a West Brom fan I got all my complaining out of the way already. I wanted Pulis out before it was fashionable. I was always willing to risk going down if it meant not watching Pulis-ball. What I wasn’t willing to do was ever accept Alan Pardew as manager. That was a sickenating slap in the face. But now that it’s just about over there’s nothing of immediate concern to complain about, which is kind of a weird feeling. At least the Baggies weren’t first to get relegated!”
“Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “A contender for Clockwatch Guest Fixture of the Week must be Cove Rangers v Cowdenbeath in the first leg of the play off to decide which of those teams will be playing senior league football next season. Nothing against Cove, but Cowdenbeath’s 137-year history is on the line here, with a realistic chance of the club folding should they lose over the two legs. Plus my brother in law is a fan of the Blue Brazil, though he was at Tannadice last night to see United make it through to the Scottish Premiership play off semi final by beating Dunfermline. By the way, the United keeper injured himself performing a cartwheel to celebrate United’s equaliser and had to be carried off. I wonder what Jim McLean would have thought about that?”
“No Hart or Chicharito on the bench for West Ham,” notes Ian Sargeant. “Story?”
Hernandez has a knee injury. Hart is, officially at least, suffering with illness.
Stoke City are relegated
After 10 years of Premier League overachievement, Stoke have gone back to the Championship after a 2-1 defeat at home to Crystal Palace. Follow the reaction with Scott Murray.
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West Brom v Spurs team news
West Brom (4-4-2) Foster; Nyom, Dawson, Hegazi, Gibbs; Phillips, Livermore, Brunt, McClean; Rondon, Rodriguez.
Spurs (3-4-2-1) Lloris; Alderweireld, Sanchez, Vertonghen; Trippier, Wanyama, Alli, Rose; Eriksen, Lamela; Kane.
Palace have taken the lead at the bet365 Stadium, which means Stoke are going down as things stand. Join Scott Murray for more news. You won’t believe the score!
Watford v Newcastle team news
Watford (4-4-2) Karnezis; Janmaat, Cathcart, Kabasele, Holebas; Hughes, Doucoure, Capoue, Pereyra; Gray, Deeney.
Newcastle (4-2-3-1) Dubravka; Manquillo, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett; Shelvey, Diame; Murphy, Perez, Kenedy; Gayle.
Leicester v West Ham team news
Leicester (4-4-1-1) Hamer; Benalouane, Morgan, Maguire, Fuchs; Mahrez, Silva, Iborra, Choudhury; Diabate; Vardy.
West Ham (3-4-2-1) Adrian; Rice, Ogbonna, Cresswell; Zabaleta, Kouyate, Noble, Masuaku; Joao Mario, Lanzini; Arnautovic.
Bournemouth v Swansea team news
Bournemouth (3-4-3) Begovic; Francis, S Cook, Ake; Fraser, L Cook, Surman, Daniels; King, Wilson, Pugh.
Swansea (4-4-2) Fabianski; van der Hoorn, Fernandez, Mawson, Olsson; Dyer, Ki, Carroll, Roberts; A Ayew, J Ayew.
Crystal Palace have equalised at the Whatever Stoke’s Stadium is Called These Days Stadium, which is terrible news for Stoke. Scott Murray has the latest.
SPL
There’s a huge game at Pittodrie. Second-placed Aberdeen host Hibs, who are two places and three points behind. Rangers, in third, are at home to Kilmarnock, though Steven Gerrard will not be in charge until the end of the season.
League Two
The big games are at the bottom, where either Barnet or Morecambe will be relegated to the National League. Barnet are two points behind with an inferior goal difference, so they need to win at home to Chesterfield, who are already relegated, and hope Morecambe lose at Coventry. There is plenty for Coventry to play for - they need a point to ensure a play-off place. If Barnet survive, it will be one of the greatest escapes.
Here are all today’s League Two fixtures, and this is the league table as it stands.
Updated
Championship and League One
Nothing to see here: the final Championship games are tomorrow, and the final League One games kick off at 5.30pm tonight.
The Premier League
There are four 3pm kick-offs, all involving teams who could still be relegated.
- Bournemouth v Swansea
- Leicester v West Ham
- Watford v Newcastle
- West Brom v Spurs
The most important game is Swansea’s trip to Bournemouth, though West Ham could still be dragged into the filth. Bournemouth and Watford are not mathematically safe either. West Brom are already breast deep in the filth and will go down if they don’t beat Spurs today. And if Stoke beat Crystal Palace in the early game, West Brom will be relegated before kick off.
If you want do the mathematics yourself, here’s the Premier League table.
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Preamble
It’s business time. To some, that phrase might stimulate unwanted images of, say, Mick Hucknall consumed by lascivious desperation, exhaling erratically in all directions, but here we speak only of football. It’s the business end of the season, the penultimate weekend in the Premier League and the final day of the regular season in League Ones and Two. I’ll be keeping several eyes on the important 3pm kick-offs across Britain, more of which anon. In the meantime, you can follow Stoke’s must-win game at home to Crystal Palace with Scott Murray.
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