And with that, we shall depart. May we direct you in the, erm, direction of Daniel Harris, who is currently expressing some unhappiness about the state of the Manchester United team to face Chelsea. Nonetheless, he’ll bring you the latest from that game, here.
If fast cars driving fastly round a track is more your thing, Michael Butler will take you through the Bahrain Grand Prix, here.
Well, a slightly madcap end to the game, but ultimately Liverpool weren’t significantly tested in that game - in terms of quality of opposition, at least. Plenty of huff and puff and gumption from West Brom, but not much of anything else. Liverpool go third, and West Brom go a fourth game in a row without scoring.
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Full-time: West Brom 0-1 Liverpool
Peeeeeeeeeeeep.
90 mins +4: Circus football, as Foster again comes forwards, again the ball is lost, but this time Foster tries to tackle Wijnaldum on the wing. He doesn’t manage it, but in the end Brunt clears the long ball towards goal.
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90 mins + 2: Oh my! Foster goes up for a corner, the ball reaches him and he passes back to McClean then for some reason stays out on the wing. Moreno does well to dispossess McClean, and suddenly Liverpool have a three or four on one, with no goalkeeper. Moreno has options left and right, but instead tries to shoot into the empty net...but misses!
90 mins + 1: That corner is jazzed in, but Can is there at the near post to head away. Meanwhile, Alberto Moreno is on, replacing Coutinho.
90 mins: Beefy three-way challenge involving Clyne, Livermore and Firmino. Clyne comes off worst, but ultimately he gets up and carries on. Four minutes of stoppage time, and West Brom have a corner on the right.
89 mins: The West Brom bench go slightly potty about a throw-in not awarded to them. We’ve reached that stage of the game.
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87 mins: Brunt does as his manager commands by hitting Rondon with a long pass from deep on the left, but it doesn’t stick and, thusly, doesn’t do them much good.
85 mins: Liverpool looking to snuff this game out now. Pulis looks cross on the touchline.
82 mins: “Re: Ian Copestake (58 mins),” writes Jon Taylor. “It’s not just the last few seasons. Since at least Roy Evans’ era commentators on Liverpool games have always had a phrase ready to go: “We did wonder if they’d come to rue those missed chances...”
81 mins: A minute later, Phillips still looks like he’s going through all sorts after missing that chance. Meanwhile, Daniel Sturridge comes off the bench, in place of Origi.
80 mins: Huge chance for West Brom. Great work by Rondon loses Matip, and he shoves a pass through to Phillips who’s clean through on goal. He tries to clip a finish over an advancing Mignolet, but the Belgian keeper does well to make the save with his legs.
Updated
79 mins: Can tries a shot from about 35 yards out, but I’m not going to embarrass him further by telling you which row of the stand it landed in.
78 mins: Not much by way of attacking threat from West Brom. Livermore shoots, but drags it way across goal and wide.
76 mins: That free-kick is whipped over by Coutinho but deflected behind, via two West Brom defenders, for a corner.
75 mins: “Despite all the words I’ve read about misunderstood Tony Pulis,” writes Paul Done, “this West Brom isn’t much different from his old Stoke teams, is it?” Well, quite.
Meanwhile, Livermore drags down Origi to give Liverpool a very dangerous-looking free-kick on the left corner of the box...
73 mins: This is the closest Pulis gets to ‘going for it’...
Pulis desperate for a goal so he has changed formation from 4-1-4-1 to 4-4-1-1...
— Matt Wilson (@mattwilson_star) April 16, 2017
72 mins: Lucas goes into the book for leaving a late one on McClean.
71 mins: Scrappy few minutes of play, punctuated only by loud, anguished shouts from Pulis on the sidelines. He often sounds like a man watching his dog run off a cliff.
67 mins: Origi and Evans grapple as the Liverpool man runs towards the West Brom area, but the referee gives the free-kick - as often the case in these situations - to the one that falls over first. Which, this time, is Evans.
66 mins: Evans chops Coutinho down at the byline, and seems surprised when a yellow card is flourished in his direction. Quite why is unclear: that was fairly blatant. From the free-kick, Matip heads wide.
64 mins: Double change for West Brom - Yacob and Robson-Kanu make way for James McClean and Rondon. Those Venezuelans in the stands are absolutely delighted.
63 mins: Coutinho drives towards goal, takes a shot but that was a three-wood when he needed a seven-iron, and it goes way over.
61 mins: Change for West Brom - James Morrison is on, but slightly surprisingly the man he replaces is Nacer Chadli.
60 mins: Wijnaldum is given a silly amount of space just outside the area, but he can’t get a shot away and feeds Firmino. After a spot of sideways passing, Lucas crosses to the back stick, Firmino heads it back to Origi who heads into the net, but the Brazilian was offside.
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58 mins: Ian Copestake would’ve preferred that one to go in. “As anyone watching Liverpool this season (and the last five) will know, they need at least two more goals to be in any way safe,” he writes.
57 mins: What a miss! Nice work from Wijnaldum on the right feeds Firmino, who clips a beautiful cross to the back stick where Milner arrives, but he hoys the volley well over the bar. Just looked like he made a slight mess of his stride pattern as he approached the ball, meaning he was off-balance while striking it. Still: what a miss.
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55 mins: A spot of patient build-up play from Liverpool, featuring one of those bits of skill from Firmino where you aren’t sure that he exactly meant it and was perhaps lucky to get away with the ball, leads to a shooting chance for Origi. He drops out to the left corner of the area, aims for the top corner with a curler, but it doesn’t curl enough.
52 mins: Chadli slips a nice ball through the Liverpool defence, but Robson-Kanu was a yard or so offside. “I’ve just watched The Arsenal Stadium Mystery,” guffaws Martin McKeefry, “once a film now a yearly comedy event.”
50 mins: Coutinho gets the ball in that ominous position on the left of the box, about to cut in on his right, but instead he goes outside on his left, falls to the floor under a slight challenge from Dawson, but there’s no way that was going to be a penalty.
49 mins: Robson-Kanu goes into the book for having a sneaky little stamp on Can’s foot. If he really did mean to stamp hard on his opponent, he might be lucky it was only a yellow.
47 mins: Chadli fizzes over the cross, but in an unusual move Liverpool clear the ball with some ease, Matip heading away.
46 mins: And we’re back out for the second-half. No changes, and West Brom have a free-kick right in the left corner after an infringement by Matip.
That’s nice: a group of Venezuelans are in the crowd, presumably to see Salomon Rondon play. He’s on the bench, which is a bit of a let down, but he did nip over to say hello to them at half-time. Lovely.
Couple more missed cultural milestones, firstly from Paul Griffin...
“Tolstoy: my prejudice, and the title of his best known work, led me to expect a Slavic Andy McNab, but he is, of course, a writer of unworldly finesse and delicacy. Speaking of which, what subtle stratagem can we expect from Tony Pulis in the next hour?”
And our old pal GN...
For years, I didn't watch Dr Strangelove - cos it was bound to disappoint wasn't it? It didn't https://t.co/H3FGV6H2XB @NickMiller79
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) April 16, 2017
“I tried “The Colour of Magic” by Terry Pratchett back in my teens and just didn’t get it, being a dumb Hoosier and all,” writes Joe Pearson, on the missed cultural milestones tip. “When my wife gave me “Going Postal” in my mid-forties, I was worldly enough to appreciate his wit and have been an ardent fan ever since. Just finished his last “Shepherd’s Crown” and am saddened there will never be another.”
Half-time: West Brom 0-1 Liverpool
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
45 mins +1: As it turns out that Brunt foul was costly. Milner plays another cross from the free-kick, which is similar to the earlier one but this time Lucas gets there first to help the ball on its way. It loops over the West Brom defence, and Firmino finds himself free at the back stick to head home.
GOAL! West Brom 0-1 Liverpool (Firmino 45+1)
Well, I didn’t see that coming.
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45 mins: Evans fouls Clyne on the Liverpool left and presents them with a crossing opportunity. Milner puts the ball over, but can’t beat the first man, as Brunt heads clear. Shortly afterwards Brunt goes into the book for having three nibbles at Origi’s ankles before deciding to simply pull his shirt back.
42 mins: Matip plays a very lively backpass to Mignolet, who briefly looks absolutely panicked, but in the end he deals with it well enough by larrumphing the thing clear.
40 mins: The home crowd, and indeed Tony Pulis, are somewhat vexed that Robson-Kanu is penalised for pulling Lucas back, possibly on the basis that the Liverpool man was blocking him off, but it’s not really good form to grab an opponent round the shoulder and yank them to the floor.
39 mins: A careless pass from Matip puts Lovren in all sorts, and he can’t keep the ball in, out on Liverpool’s right. A neat summary of the game’s general quality, really.
37 mins: “I’m the mirror image of our friend Mr Grrampchamp,” writes David Hopkins, “having been an OBO/MBM regular since before the 2005 Ashes, but not yet having attended a s@x party. I’m not so keen though if attendees have to resort to the MBM to spice things up.”
36 mins: Lucas swings over a cross from the right channel, towards Can at about neck height, which the German for reasons unclear goes for with a high, high foot. Unsurprisingly, he is penalised, despite looking like an affronted puppy afterwards.
35 mins: Big chance for Robson-Kanu, as Livermore clips a terrific ball through the middle of the Liverpool defence, but the Welsh striker can only offer a terribly tame shot which Mignolet saves easily.
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33 mins: On the earlier point about the backpass, on closer inspection it seems it’s only a foot which counts as one of those, which feels like the sort of thing I should have known. Also: it was Lovren. Strong work all round from your minute-by-minuter there. Meanwhile, Origi shoots straight, low, but right at Foster.
30 mins: “It took me until last summer to catch North by Northwest all the way through,” writes Andrew Benton, “having seen the last half hour on Mt Rushmore many a time. Is Tony Pulis about to take over from Alfred Hitchcock as the Master of Suspense? Only time will tell...”
North By Northwest of course displaying exactly what went on in Hitchcock’s psyche with this extremely subtle imagery in the final shot.
Meanwhile, Andrew has another idea: “What about the Guardian setting up an annual Dan Lucas award for best sports blogging? I’m sure you’d have thousands of contenders...”
29 mins: James Milner seems to be limping, which could be a double blow for Liverpool: firstly, losing one of their most experienced men, and secondly having to field Alberto Moreno.
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28 mins: Backpass? Matip appears to bunt the ball back to Mignolet with his knee, but the referee says nothing doing with that one.
26 mins: Blimey.
@NickMiller79 i got into minute-by-minutes pretty late in life, at a sex party. i got into those pretty early #YNWA
— Grrampchamp (@thevoblex) April 16, 2017
24 mins: Firmino dinks the ball over the top of the West Brom defence to Coutinho, who shoots first time on the volley, but it goes wide. Mind, he did remarkably well to even get some sort of control on that - had it gone in, we’d be talking goal of the season stuff.
23 mins: Lucas gets a talking to for a spicy challenge on Livermore. From the resultant free-kick, a cross goes over to the far post where Chadli is in acres, but he somehow completely missed his kick. Could have been a slight touch off a defender that took it away from him - if not, that was a stinker.
22 mins: Can gets the ball in the left channel and tries to spring the West Brom defence with a booming cross from deep. However, he puts too much on it, and Foster can claim before Origi has a chance of getting near it.
19 mins: Emre Can is alarmed to discover you’re not allowed to push people over, despite a spot of wrestling with Liam Dawson. Free-kick to West Brom.
17 mins: Phil Withall has fallen foul of sugar. “It’s late here in Brisbane. I really need to go to bed but whilst I was out at a football match (Brisbane Roar 4 - Wellington Phoenix 3, a match as remarkable as the team names) my youngest managed to eat a more than healthy amount of chocolate. Hence I’m sat here enjoying your MBM. On the down side I have seen no mention of Easter thus far. Did you fail to get the Prime minestirial decree? Lefty.”
Happy spring Festivus, everyone.
16 mins: Risky header back to his keeper by Evans, but there’s just enough juice on it to reach Foster, but Origin was lurking.
15 mins: Liverpool’s best chance of the game so far. Yacob carelessly gives the ball away in midfield to Coutinho, who nearly runs into Firmino but as they extricate themselves from that potential snafu the former slips left to the latter, and his low shot goes just wide of the far post, with Ben Foster grasping.
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14 mins: Scrappy period of play. “I was about five years behind the rest of the world watching “The Wire” writes Stephen Worsley. “Worried Liverpool’s performance is already shaping up to be a Senator Clay Davis inspired case of “Sheeeeeeit”.
12 mins: Livermore plays a lovely, fading pass from deep in the middle out to Phillips on the right. He controls, brings it infield but can’t wrap his foot around the shot enough to curl it anywhere near the top corner. If the goal had been about 15 yards further back, it might’ve stood a chance.
10 mins: Kevin Smith jumps into the Venn diagram of a question about missed cultural milestones, and the theoretical main focus of this MBM. “Honestly? Football/soccer. Growing up in Canada I hated it, mostly for the diving and other contrasts to the rather more physical Ice Hockey, but also because it was just so unavailable; only the World Cup was ever on TV and there was no local team - heck, even though I live in Canada’s capital, the Men’s National Team hasn’t played a game here since I was 3. I eventually got into it around 2004 (when I was 18) via the EA sports video game series and a really good, but defunct, podcast. Now I play twice a week and really wish I’d learned ball skills when I was younger.”
9 mins: Some excellent passing by West Brom feeds the ball out to the left, where it stalls a little when Chadli dithers on the ball. They win a throw, but any attack is snuffed out when Jonny Evans fouls Origi.
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6 mins: Liverpool haven’t exactly started in sparkling form. Matip brings the ball forwards from defence and feeds Firmino, but the Brazilian can’t fashion any sort of shooting opportunity.
4 mins: Tony Pulis really does have a very loud voice, doesn’t he?
2 mins: A...chance? A spot of shambolic pinball in the Liverpool area sees a Matty Phillips shot deflected into the path of Hal Robson-Kanu, but he trips over as he tries to direct it towards goal, a task at which he fails, and he might have been offside anyway.
1 min: We’re away. West Brom kicking from left to right, wearing blue and white striped shirts, white shorts and red stockings. Liverpool wear all red.
Something to keep in mind...
Teams are out at The Hawthorns. Reminder that Tony Pulis has never lost a home game against Liverpool in the Premier League (W3, D5)
— Matt Wilson (@mattwilson_star) April 16, 2017
It occurs to me that the missing cultural milestones question is one that our late colleague Dan Lucas would have emailed instantly in about. His family have set up a Just Giving page to raise money for type one diabetes research: if you’d like to donate, the page is here.
Allan Hobbs has been on with a big double that feature heavily in my own sphere. “I have an inbuilt resistance to people gushing about stuff which, consequently, means I avoided the West Wing and Daniel Kitson for years. The former, I’ve never made good on, but regarding the latter I’ve very much made up for lost time. He doesn’t do much walking and talking, being a stand up and all, but I’m happy enough with my choice.”
West Wing is very much an acquired taste. You may love it, you may find it needlessly wordy and saccharine. You may land betwixt the two. Kitson, on the other hand, is the best stand-up of all.
Ben Bennett has answered my ‘cultural milestones’ question and thrown in a 6/10 pun. Lovely stuff. “I finally bit the bullet and watched Tarkovsky’s Solaris, it was excellent and like the protagonist I’m hoping Origi also finds himself in space today.”
Excellent. More of this please.
Happy to report that Sky have spent the lead-up to their coverage of this game with some pretty heavy analysis of Manchester United v Chelsea.
Last night I watched the film ‘Cabaret’ for the first time, and I wonder why it’s taken me this long. What cultural benchmarks have you kicked yourself for leaving so long to enjoy?
Team news
West Bromwich Albion
Foster; Dawson, McAuley, Evans, Brunt; Fletcher (c), Yacob, Livermore; Phillips, Chadli; Robson-Kanu. Subs: Myhill, M Wilson, Nyom, Morrison, McClean, Rondon, Field.
Liverpool
Mignolet; Clyne, Lovren, Matip, Milner; Can, Lucas, Wijnaldum; Coutinho, Firmino, Origi. Subs: Karius, Moreno, Grujic, Sturridge, Alexander-Arnold, Woodburn, Gomez.
Referee: Jonathan Moss (Co. Durham)
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Preamble
There’s the potential for all sorts to happen in this one. Well, maybe. There’s the potential for Liverpool to pull a whopping nine points clear of Manchester United, albeit perhaps for only a few hours, and albeit with Jose’s boys having three games in hand. But to do that they’ll have to get over their curious weak spot against not so good teams: since the turn of the year alone they’ve dropped 13 points to Sunderland, Swansea, Hull, Leicester and Bournemouth, but have been fine against, well, the good teams.
Now, being in eighth place and whatnot, can we actually class West Brom among those low-lights? Well, on the face of it, perhaps not, but now we come to the second point. This is the stage in the season when yer Tony Pulis side clocks off, decides that 40 points is plenty and absolutely anything else can just do one. Since reaching Tone’s magic number, they have collected just four points from a possible 18, SLUMPING to defeats against Crystal Palace, Everton, Watford and Southampton, although it should be noted the win and draw they have managed were against Manchester United and Arsenal.
So what can we expect? A high-octane thriller, or a slight shambles featuring two teams who will lay bare their weaknesses for us all to see? Or perhaps both? Only one way to find out.
Kick-off: 13.30 BST
Nick will be here shortly.
