Full-time: West Brom 3-0 Chelsea
Mourinho out!
90 min+1: No. Matic’s effort flies off target.
90 min: Yacob brings Hazard down 25 yards from goal. can Chelsea score a consolation goal?
89 min: Chris Baird replaces James Morrison.
88 min: Get Fabregas back on, see if he can inject some life into proceedings, get him to hit Chris Brunt from 50 yards away.
85 min: This game has died a death.
82 min: Cuadrado is booked for a late tackle on Lescott. He was nowhere near the ball.
79 min: A couple of substitutions. Isaiah Brown comes on for his Chelsea debut, replacing Loic Remy. He’s given a frosty reception from the West Brom fans. West Brom bring on Brown Ideye for Saido Berahino, who won’t be scoring a hat-trick tonight.
79 min: Cuadrado runs at Lescott on the right, goes down the outside, turns and sets up Hazard for a shot. Hazard whips it over the bar.
76 min: Isaiah Brown, another of those Chelsea youngsters, will be on soon. He started his career at West Brom.
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75 min: Berahino, on a hat-trick, opens up his body and tries to bend one into the top corner from 20 yards. Over it goes.
74 min: Chelsea have had 72 percent possession in the second half. That will cheer them up.
73 min: Chelsea bring on Nathan Ake for Ruben Lofthouse-Cheek. Then it’s time for a Chelsea corner. Filipe Luis’s delivery is flicked on to the far post. Matic tries to turn it in, but Myhill makes an excellent save, diverting the ball away.
70 min: Can’t these Chelsea fans sing about the Full Members Cup triumph of 1986? A classic 5-4 win over Manchester City in the final.
67 min: They’re still singing about being top of the league. Guys, we get the message, you’re good at football.
65 min: The Chelsea fans are reminding everyone that they’ve won the league. Fair enough. They have a point.
64 min: Chelsea are throwing a protective blanket over Diego Costa. Future Wolfsburg star Juan Cuadrado replaces him.
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63 min: Craig Gardner’s booked for a nasty scythe through the back of Diego Costa on the left. That was highly unnecessary and pretty dangerous.
GOAL! West Brom 3-0 Chelsea (Brunt, 60 min)
Okay, this is probably over now. West Brom take the corner short on the right and no one bothers closing Brunt down on the right side of the area, allowing him to lash a shot through the bodies and past a surprised Courtois at his near post. Oof! That one packed a punch. He’s got a hammer of a left foot. But take nothing away from the miserable state of Chelsea’s defending!
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60 min: This is better from West Brom. Brunt finds Morrison just outside the edge of the area and his rising shot is just tipped over by Courtois. Corner to West Brom. And...
58 min: This has been a pretty impressive response from Chelsea. They’ve dominated since the second West Brom goal. This might not be over yet. “I just saw the video,” says Dean Potter, calling out my golf knowledge. “Cesc’s mischief was more like a punched 5-iron from under some tree limbs. He was about 20 yards away, and I don’t think it got higher than the crossbar.” You’re completely right. I didn’t realise he was that close at first.
56 min: West Brom are sitting back now, happy to let Chelsea play in front of them. But that could be a risky tactic. Loic Remy dances past a couple of challenges and lets fly from the edge of the area on the left foot, the ball pinging to safety of the inside of the right post! Myhill didn’t move an inch. So unlucky.
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54 min: Craig Gardner replaces Callum McManaman.
51 min: Costa hasn’t looked particularly sharp tonight. West Brom have contained him fairly easily.
50 min: Costa picks up the ball on the left. He’s met with boos from the West Brom fans.
GOAL! West Brom 2-0 Chelsea (Berahino pen, 47 min)
West Brom won’t care about Terry’s reprieve now. Saido Berahino dusts himself down for the penalty and blasts it low and hard towards the bottom-right corner with his right foot. Courtois gets a hand to the ball but he can’t keep it out and Berahino has his second goal of the evening. Chelsea’s 10 men are up against it now.
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PENALTY TO WEST BROM!
46 min: Chris Brunt flicks a brilliant reverse pass into the area for Saido Berahino and John Terry’s lunge sends the West Brom striker flying! West Brom want a red card for Terry. He was the last man and Berahino was about to shoot, but Mike Jones decides not to reduce Chelsea to nine men.
46 min: The second half begins. And...
So Hazard gave Fabregas the ball and he took a touch to get the ball out of his feet, before pinging it straight on to Brunt’s head. What a strike! Fabregas is lucky he didn’t hit Mike Jones, actually, that would have landed in much more trouble.
Half-time: West Brom 1-o Chelsea
That was superb. West Brom lead thanks to a goal from Saido Berahino and Chelsea are down to 10 men because Cesc Fabregas has the mentality of a 12-year-old boy. Hats off!
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45 min+2: Of course, while we all found it very funny, it’s important to remember that, according to no less a medical authority than Sir Alex Ferguson, Fabregas could have killed Chris Brunt.
Ferguson on the dangers of being hit by a football. https://t.co/OidMppvjUK
— Kristian vS Hæhre (@vonstrenginho) May 18, 2015
45 min+1: There will be three minutes of stoppage time.
45 min: And let us never forget the time Martin Keown was hit on the head by a stray football.
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44 min: “Ungracious I know, but being a baggies fan I couldn’t help but try to watch this on my phone - until I realized the feed I’m getting is 10 minutes behind your MBM,” says Richard Hooker. “Put me in mind of something Henri Bergson said “The pure present is an ungraspable advance of the past devouring the future. In truth all sensation is already memory.” So tell the other people reading this MBM that I have a hunch Fabergas is going to get sent off! You heard it here first.”
42 min: Danny Mills was once sent off for kicking the ball at an Arsenal player who was on the floor. What a guy.
41 min: Now Chelsea go close, Remy’s angled shot from the right taking a deflection and dribbling just past the far post. West Brom clear the corner.
40 min: Chris Brunt almost doubles West Brom’s lead. He’s released on the left of the Chelsea area, but Courtois saves his low drive with his feet.
38 min: The free-kick is to the right of the D, perfect for the left boot of Filipe Luis. A curler? No, he eschews the subtle approach and blooters a scorcher through the wall. Myhill saw it late, but he pushes it away. Great save!
37 min: I thought that Jonas Olsson was booked for his part in that nonsense, but it turns out I was wrong, because he’s just been booked for a forearm on Costa just outside the area and it was his first yellow card. Chelsea have a free-kick in a promising position.
36 min: Perhaps Chris Brunt and Cesc Fabregas can link up together to star in Man Getting Hit By Football?
33 min: And we thought this was going to be boring. Boing! That was like the time Harry Redknapp got hit in the face by a stray pass from a Portsmouth player while he was doing an interview. But Fabregas isn’t in the fahkin’ reserves, is he, he showed terrific ability there. In my view, it was well worth a red card.
30 min: Darren Fletcher has also been booked. This is brilliant, Fabregas going for the sand wedge, brilliantly digging the ball out of the bunker and landing it on the unsuspecting Brunt’s bonce! What a silly boy. Maybe he couldn’t be bothered. The initial disagreement came after Costa and Gareth McAuley had a wrestling match in the middle and Costa and Olsson were locking horns soon enough.
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CESC FABREGAS IS SENT OFF!
29 min: This is absolutely absurd, the purest farce, the highest form of entertainment that you could ask for from a meaningless Monday night fixture! Mike Jones was still sorting everything out when suddenly the ball was lobbed into the melee from the right and hit Chris Brunt on the head. Boing! Boing! Boing! Turns out it came from a mischievous Cesc Fabregas, an effortlessly accurate chip into the middle from the Spaniard, and Darren Fletcher charges over and barges into the saucy Chelsea player! Mike Jones has spotted it too and marches over to brandish the red card in Fabregas’s face. This is hilarious.
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28 min: Diego Costa is back. This is basically a friendly, but he’s still managed to get himself into trouble. Did you miss him? Chelsea were probing down the right when Mike Jones blew his whistle, Costa involved in a row with Jonas Olsson in the middle. Jones strides towards the pair of them and, of course, both sets of players steam in to debate the rights and wrongs of what’s gone on. Costa’s booked. But wait - there’s more to come!
25 min: ... And Hazard almost equalises! Diego Costa drove to the byline from the left and his seemingly tame cutback somehow reached Hazard, who tried to hook the ball in with his left foot, only for a slight deflection to take it over the bar. West Brom deal with the resulting corner.
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24 min: Craig Dawson saunters into the area from the right, a Baggies Cafu. His shot is deflected wide for a corner on the right. Chris Brunt swings it into the six yard box and ... was that going in? Courtois was certainly worried and he had to claw it away. Chelsea counter from there...
21 min: Chelsea’s radar is just off at the moment, which is understandable, they’ve not really got anything to play for. The little flicks aren’t quite finding their target.
19 min: Matic lives on.
18 min: Yacob is back on the pitch. Turns out he took an accidental elbow to the face from Loic Remy. But now Nemanja Matic is down after suffering an awkward fall in an aerial challenge with Darren Fletcher.
17 min: It looks like Yacob has a cut around his mouth. Which should mean he’s fine to carry on.
16 min: Claudio Yacob has a problem. He’s down with an injury of some sort and is in need of a spot of treatment. I’m not sure what’s ailing him.
14 min: Nemanja Matic is allowed to shoot from 25 yards. His left-footer bounces not too far wide of the right post.
13 min: Loftus-Cheek clips a ball over the top of the West Brom defence, seeking out Remy, who had peeled away from Lescott. It’s just too far ahead of him, though, Myhill on hand to gather the pass.
11 min: To be honest, Chelsea should have their title removed.
GOAL! West Brom 1-0 Chelsea (Berahino, 9 min)
This is a fine goal indeed from Saido Berahino! Chris Brunt and Joleon Lescott made like Xavi and Iniesta in the middle, exchanging passes quickly, all one-touch stuff, to set up Berahino. He turned in a flash and then, before any Chelsea defender could close him down, he whipped a no-backlift shot past Courtois from 20 yards and into the left corner!
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6 min: This is all very encouraging. Cesc Fabregas has a lazy dribble into the box, drawling through the challenges at testimonial pace, almost in slow motion, but his well-struck shot from the left is straight at Myhill.
5 min: Callum McManaman forces Courtois to make a fine save. Dawson’s mishit attempt at a shot fell to the winger and he burst past Filipe Luis on the right and skelped a fierce shot towards the far corner from a tight angle. Courtois responded with an extremely smart save, pushing the ball wide for a corner, from which nothing occurs.
3 min: The crowd howls as Lescott and McAuley dither on the edge of the West Brom area. Eventually they sort themselves out.
2 min: Diego Costa, back in the Chelsea side after a six-week lay-off, hints at mischief outside the West Brom area. The door is slammed in his face.
And we’re off! The sound of The Liquidator is ringing around The Hawthorns as Chelsea, all in yellow, get the game underway. They’re kicking from right to left in the first half. “I thoroughly enjoyed how last week’s MBM for the Arsenal-Swansea match quickly turned into a philosophical roundtable on the ennui of meaningless late-season encounters,” says Daniel Schulwolf. “Given that both teams theoretically had something to play for in that match, I am eagerly anticipating the pearls of wisdom that will be dropped during tonight’s exercise in futility.”
The teams are out, West Brom giving the champions a guard of honour. The most important match of the season is moments away.
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Team news
West Brom: Myhill; Dawson, McAuley, Olsson, Lescott, Brunt; Fletcher, Yacob, Morrison; McManaman; Berahino. Subs: Rose, Wisdom, Baird, Mulumbu, Gardner, Anichebe, Ideye.
Chelsea: Courtois; Ivanovic, Cahill, Terry, Filipe Luis; Loftus-Cheek, Matic; Remy, Fabregas, Hazard; Costa. Subs: Blackman, Christensen, Azpilicueta, Ake, Mikel, Cuadrado, Brown.
Referee: Mike Jones.
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Preamble
Hello. West Bromwich Albion are safe and their players will spend the evening thinking about what factor sun cream to buy for their summer holidays. Chelsea have won the league and will be decked out in full scuba diving gear. Get ready for this riveting contest with a 12-hour video of some white noise!
Kick-off: 8pm.
