I now absolutely insist that you make your way over here, to join Niall McVeigh for all the white-hot 3pm action. Ta ra.
Well, a win for Arsenal, but for all they dominated they should really have been more comfortable and not been forced to sweat quite as much at the end there. Cazorla was excellent and created the goal, Welbeck was decent, and a win’s a win. Could be some problems ahead for West Brom though, who looked desperate and were greeted with no little frustration from the crowd throughout.
Full-time: West Brom 0-1 Arsenal
Peeeeeeeeeeeeep. And that would be that.
90 mins + 3: Foster comes forward for a corner as West Brom desperately try to get something, but he doesn’t really make it past the edge of the area. Martinez punches clear, Ramsey tries a shot from about 80 yards, it doesn’t reach the opposite penalty area never mind the goal, Gamboa mops up, Oxlade-Chamberlain hacks him down, booking.
90 mins + 2: Samaras makes some tracks down the left and arcs out a leg to scoop a cross over, but under some pressure Martinez claims it. Sounds a bit odd to say in a game in which he’s had so little to do, but the young keeper has looked fairly impressive.
90 mins: Ooof, a rasper from Gardner flies just wide. The shot came after Dorrans shifted some space on the edge of the box, but it was taken wide by a deflection off Ramsey. From the corner, the ball finds Gardner again at the back stick, but his header is an apology and goes wide.
88 mins: Brunt attempts a free-kick that will be appearing as a Vine/gif near you in the near future. Mignoletian in its ineptitude.
86 mins: And now Oxlade-Chamberlain is prone, beating the turf in pain. The replays seemed to suggest it was just a kick on the follow-through from Samaras, but he doesn’t look too happy. A bit of treatment and a blast of the magic spray and he seems to have recovered, though.
85 mins: Gibbs doesn’t look delighted to be out there, in honesty. He’s still limping off the ball.
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84 mins: Gamboa goes into the book for doing his darndest to remove Welbeck’s shorts from his person. He then rather comically and desperately tries to argue his case, saying it was the first bad thing he’d done. No luck with that one.
83 mins: This has turned into quite an engrossing game, but enough of that for the moment, Rick has an important issue to raise: “Chambers has got a very small face for a lad his size, don’t you think?”
It’s not something that has occurred to me before Rick, but sure, go for it, why not.
81 mins: West Brom go close, close, close. Firstly Gardner has a shot that hits Mertsesacker in the, erm, yeah, well...you get the picture. He’s in some pain, but he counts them, takes a deep breath and should be fine. The ball then breaks out wide, the cross finds Berahino who heads against the bar. If Arsenal throw this away they should be taken out back and flogged with a bit of bamboo.
79 mins: Ramsey breaks through the middle and feeds Oxlade-Chamberlain, but the ball gets away from him a little and then, shall we say, is persuaded to the turf rather easily. No dice, Alexander.
78 mins: Change for Arsenal - Olivier Giroud departs, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain enters, Welbeck scampers eagerly into the middle.
77 mins: A shot! West Brom have a shot on target! O bounteous day! O magnificent offering from the gods! This truly is a special time to be alive!
The shot was a deflected effort by Gardner, by the way. Martinez saved it easily.
76 mins: Samaras now comes on, and he’s replacing Sessegnon, which displeases the home crowd, to say the least. ‘You don’t know what you’re doing’ insist the Hawthorns faithful, but Sessegnon had done the square root of sod all, so it’s not that outrageous.
74 mins: Ah, Pocognoli is off, but Christian Gamboa is the man to replace him, which seems more sensible.
73 mins: Gibbs is back on, by the way. So is Pocognoli, but he doesn’t look comfortable - Giorgios Samaras is about to come on for West Brom, and it would be ballsy if it was for the defender.
71 mins: Ooof. Pocognoli is down now, and it looked like his mischief was caused in a collision with his own player, Chris Brunt.
Meanwhile, Dave Young writes in, and is quite right to say: “A4 man hasn’t even bothered to format his margins. He’s a dangerous lunatic.”
69 mins: Arsenal claim a penalty for a foul on Welbeck, the striker going down under the challenge of Gardner, but a) it would’ve been soft and b) was just outside the box. In more fitness larks for the Gooners, Gibbs is down and needs treatment.
68 mins: Cazorla nearly creates some more danger on the right of the box, sort of scuffing a cross-shot, which Wisdom manages to clear ahead of Sanchez at the back post.
67 mins: Brunt tries to set Anichebe free, but the pass is overhit. Martinez then gets away with an errant grass-cutter kick clear, which luckily for him goes straight to Ramsey.
65 mins: A4. A-4. Ay-four. A.4.
64 mins: Change for West Brom - Mulumbu is withdrawn, and Victor Anichebe comes on to replace him.
62 mins: West Brom try to equalise straight away with a ‘clever’ free-kick, shifting the ball to Brunt, who shoots low but his own man, Dawson, can’t get out of the way and blocks it.
60 mins: Welbeck’s name is on the scoresheet, but that was all about Santi Cazorla. The Spaniard races down the left, knocks it past Wisdom who he then makes look like some sort of lumbering oaf. He gets to the byline, chips a cross into the middle where Welbeck heads with reasonable power, which Foster gets a hand to, but can only push it into the roof of the net.
GOAL! West Brom 0-1 Arsenal (Welbeck 60)
And just as they were getting back into it...
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59 mins: West Brom very much back in this game now. Dorrans hoofs over an inswinging cross from the left which Lescott gets up for, but can’t get enough on the header and it goes wide.
55 mins: Gibbs breaks into the area on the left, chips a cross into the middle from the byline but it’s just - just - too high for Cazorla, then Pocognoli does well to muscle out Sanchez at the back stick.
54 mins: Berahino starting to look more dangerous now. He breaks into the box from the left and tries an ambitious shot inside the near post, but it goes into the side-netting.
53 mins: Arsenal have a free-kick right on the left-hand touchline, which Cazorla swings over with his right peg. Foster comes out to catch, but it’s a crowded area and he drops it, but alas for Arsenal it falls to Mertesacker, who fires wide.
52 mins: Arsenal advance into the area on the left with Welbeck in space, but he somehow manages to work himself out of that space and into trouble in the middle, shifting to Ramsey who can’t get a proper shot away and it’s eventually cleared.
50 mins: Almost a change for Ramsey, after Chambers clips a nice ball down the line and into the box on the right hand side, but Ramsey tries a first-time volley and slices it well wide. Incidentally, that Berahino offside looked like it wasn’t, so apologies to the lino.
49 mins: Another West Brom attack is robbed of any sort of momentum as the hitherto utterly anonymous Sessegnon storms down the right, beats his man then...cuts back on himself for apparently no reason whatsoever. The natives are frustrated.
47 mins: Berahino is set free by a slide-rule Gardner pass, but once again the flag goes up to deny him. He looks ticked, irked, vexed, but the decision was probably just right.
46 mins: We’re back, back, back baby, and as the strains of ‘Insomnia’ by Faithless peter out, the football begins again.
They should get a sign made...
@NickMiller79 Forget the actual score - We're now approaching 30 minutes since our last injury, result! @guardian_sport #Only1Injury #mbm
— Shanny Rasul (@shannyrasul) November 29, 2014
Charles Horwood is straight in: “Didn’t Andy Todd once inexplicably boot Christoph Dugarry up the arse when they were at Blackburn and Birmingham respectively?”
So he did...
“If the Guardian legal dept, quite wisely, prefer the Father Jack question to remain unanswered,” says Richard Haywood, “who is football’s Bishop Brennan? Rabbit phobia not necessary.” Is there anyone in football particularly notable for being kicked up the arse?
Half-time: West Brom 0-0 Arsenal
Peeeeeeeep. That’s the break, and while Arsenal have been firmly on top, they haven’t actually done anything of huge note in front of goal. A couple of presentable chances have been wasted, particularly by Cazorla, and this reeks of a game that Arsenal will dominate before losing a scrappy goal on the counter.
45 mins: One minute of added time. Here’s Arsène Wenger with a big mascot thing.
44 mins: West Brom seem very tentative. Mulumbu wins the ball in midfield but his instinct is to spin around and play back rather than forwards. They eventually work it to Dorrans down the right, who puts in a decent cross but there’s nobody there to take advantage. Not great.
42 mins: There’s a bloke in the Arsenal section wearing sunglasses.
40 mins: Ball’s in the net for West Brom, but the flag had gone up. Berahino nodded it into the path of Brunt, who returns to the young forward, Berahino’s effort is saved by Martinez’s feet, it rebounds to Berahino who sticks it home, but whoa there bucko - rewind to the bit where Brunt got the ball, for he was offside.
39 mins: Arsenal break at pace and with numbers, a bit of confusion between Cazorla and Welbeck is rapidly resolved with the Spaniard taking over, but his clipped cross to the back stick is just a little bit too long for Ramsey.
37 mins: Mulumbu almost lands West Brom in a frightful pickle. He wins the ball back on the edge of his own area but then dithers rather than putting his foot through it, and is dispossessed. The ball breaks to Ramsey who has a clearish shot at goal, but he pulls it wide. Again, Arsenal should’ve done better at the last.
34 mins: Some stones on Pocognoli. Arsenal work the ball across the edge of the box, it bobbles loose into the path of Welbeck but the West Brom full-back barrels over to the left side of the area and puts in a challenge that one might call ‘full-blooded.’ Clean as you like though, he got the ball and it rebounded off Welbeck for a Baggies throw, but a hair left or right and he would have taken the Arsenal man’s knees off.
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33 mins: Quick feet once again from Cazorla in the middle, he slips it left to Sanchez but his clipped cross/shot thing ends up being neither.
32 mins: A rare attack from West Brom, as Brunt gets down the left and pings over a decent cross, but Martinez comes out of his goal to claim confidently.
31 mins: Once again some superb build-up play allows Welbeck to tee Cazorla up for a shot, and the Spaniard has a clear path to goal from the edge of the box, but his effort is weak and is easily saved. Poor that, from Cazorla.
28 mins:
Where's Kanu when you need him?
— Matthew Stanger (@MatthewStanger) November 29, 2014
It was very much like this.
27 mins: Lucky escape for Foster. He makes quite the balls of a backpass and tries to take it round the looming Giroud, but can’t and the Frenchman dispossesses him. However, the angle is ludicrously tight and Giroud’s shot flashes across the face of goal, with nobody quite managing to keep up to stick the thing away.
26 mins: Sanchez hits the free-kick straight into the wall, and in the second phase of the attack it’s worked to Welbeck with a nice through-ball by Ramsey. Welbeck hits an instinctive shot but Foster stays big and blocks it.
24 mins: Odd passage of play. Giroud goes down just inside the area, claiming a feet-treading mishap by Mulumbu. Cazorla and Gardner then come together around 30 yards from goal, the whistle goes, the home crowd think it’s for them, but the free-kick goes to Arsenal.
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23 mins: And Monreal is done - he limps off, Gibbs comes on.
21 mins: Arsenal get a free-kick deepish on the left, which Cazorla whips over threateningly, but Lescott manages to head clear. West Brom weren’t happy as Dawson was off the pitch having some blood - presumably his - wiped off his face.
20 mins: Plenty of neatness again from Arsenal, as they look for some space in the massed Baggie ranks on the edge of their penalty area. Ramsey tries to flick the thing over the top looking for Giroud, but Dawson manages to smuggle it away.
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19 mins: More brilliant work by Sanchez on the right to win the ball from Brunt, and he clips a pass over the defence looking for Welbeck. However, the bounce of the ball takes it just behind the forward, he has to check his run slightly and Wisdom manages to muscle him out.
16 mins: Cazorla neatly evades an assailant in midfield, and the ball finds its way out to Chambers on the right. He clips a cross over looking for Giroud, but a couple of defenders sandwich the French forward and he can’t get his head to it.
14 mins: Welbeck shows his value playing on the wing, closing down Wisdom with some tenacity and winning the ball, but he can’t keep it in play down the left. Emiliano Martinez then gets a spicy backpass which he deals with pretty well. He looked fairly solid against Dortmund in the week, despite his youth.
12 mins: Oh! Look at this! An injury problem for Arsenal! What larks! Looks like Nacho Monreal is struggling, and Kieran Gibbs is limbering up.
11 mins: Nicely worked by Arsenal, starting with Sanchez on the right, who again feeds Welbeck who again lays it back to Cazorla, who properly larrumphs the ball towards goal, but Dawson’s back gets in the way.
10 mins: West Brom knock the ball around quite nicely, then the second Mickey Owen mentions this on the commentary, Pocognoli hammers an aimless pass down the left to nobody in particular and it drifts sadly out, like a child’s balloon. Timing.
8 mins: Corner for West Brom. Dorrans plays it short to Berahino who shifts the angle, lays it back to Dorrans who booms a long, looping cross to the back stick where Lescott waits, but his header isn’t up to much.
6 mins: Although Sanchez very much isn’t one of those problems, and he drives through the middle in that relentless manner of his, helped out rather by a Baggies defence who wave him through to the edge of the box. However, his low shot is straight at Foster who goes for the long barrier and gets everything behind it.
5 mins: Chidinma Ozordi is a bit worried. “As an Arsenal fan, I am a bit worried about Ramsey’s lack of goals. You can see that’s he’s agitated and sometimes leaves his primary duty leading to Wenger’s public criticism of him.” One of many issues Arsenal currently have. Still nothing of much note having happened on the pitch.
Updated
3 mins: Welbeck pops up in the middle, as if to tell Wenger that this is where he BELONGS, GODDAMMIT, lays it back to Cazorla who fires in a left-footed shot. Ben Foster deals with what Michael Owen calls a ‘finger stinger’ pretty well, though.
2 mins: Andre Wisdom is wearing a pair of those racy all-black boots. That’s the only thing of note that has happened so far.
1 min: And we’re away. Welbeck does seem to be on the left, with Sanchez on the right and Cazorla in the middle, behind Giroud.
Richard Keys does it again http://t.co/CzomAXT3in
— Alan Smith (@alansmith90) November 29, 2014
Of course, it’s possible that we’ve gone too early on the Infinite Sadness Of DNTM Welbeck. Has Arsène Wenger pulled something of a surprise and asked his boys to play 4-4-2, the system that has been in tactical purdah ever since Rafa Benitez invented the five-man midfield some time in the early 2000s? They technically have the players, although it would be something of a waste to stick Alexis Sanchez wide in a four. We shall see.
Richard Haywood poses a question that could probably result in some legal trouble for us if we answered. “If Alan Irvine is the Father Ted of football, who is Father Jack?”
The good news for Arsenal is that Laurent Koscielny is back, and he could hardly have picked a more comfortable encounter to return to. West Brom haven’t scored a goal themselves in three games, the last goal in their favour coming via an ogger from Esteban Cambiasso, which itself really shouldn’t have been allowed due to the sheer implausibility of him playing for Leicester. The last time one of their players scored in the league was a Saido Berahino penalty, and he’s been a very naughty boy in the interim.
Bit of resistance to the idea of Alan Irvine looking like the other bloke from Mad Men. “No, Nick, Alan Irvine does not look Roger Sterling, not one bit,” insists Paul Ewart. “More a kind of stretched and squeeze Kevin Keegan. Keegan as modelled by Giacometti.” While Gerard Aston simply says: “Alan Irvine looks like Father Ted.”
*Int, daytime, London Colney. A man wearing sports clothes unbecoming for a man of his years sits behind a desk. A younger, happy-go-lucky man enters the office and sits on the other side of the desk.*
AW: Daniel, as you know Olivier is back, the only ever recorded example of an Arsenal player returning from injury early.
DW: Yes boss.
AW: We thought he was going to be out for ages, and that’s partly why we bought you.
DW: Yes boss.
AW: You’ve been doing well, Daniel. I like your spirit, your little bit quality, although you could maybe have scored a few more goals.
DW: Yes boss, I’ve been working hard.
AW: You have Daniel. I do have a bit of a problem though, because as I said Olivier is back.
DW: Yes boss.
AW: And we can’t play you both up front.
DW: ...Yes boss...
AW: It’s the system we play, Daniel. It’s tricky.
DW: ....
AW: This has not been an easy decision Daniel.
DW: Boss, are you...are you dropping me?
AW: No Daniel, I’m afraid not. Against West Brom, you’re going to play on the left wing.
*The younger man stares straight ahead, his lip wobbles, a tear falls slowly down his cheek.*
DW: (meekly) OK boss.
Team news
West Brom
Foster; Wisdom, Lescott, Dawson, Pocognoli; Gardner, Mulumbu, Brunt, Dorrans; Sessegnon; Berahino. Subs: Myhill, McAuley, Gamboa, Baird, Anichebe, Ideye, Samaras.
Arsenal
Martinez; Chambers, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Monreal; Flamini, Ramsey; Welbeck, Alexis, Cazorla; Giroud. Subs: Macey, Gibbs, Bellerin, Rosicky, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Campbell, Podolski.
Referee: Chris Foy.
There’s a hint of the Don Drapers about Alan Irvine. No, hang on, I don’t mean Don Draper, do I? The other bloke - silver hair, looks like he knows his way around a chat-up line, nice suits. Not sure what his name is - I don’t watch Mad Men, and was merely trying to cheaply capitalise on the cultural zeitgeist. By referencing a TV show that started seven years ago and is about to finish. How ‘bout that ‘Lost’, eh? Jack Bauer’s a hardcase, isn’t he? Do you know who shot JR? Good start, this.
Anyway, he does sort of look like a slightly vintage lothario, who’d be happy leaning against a bar with a whiskey sour in his hand, bemoaning the state of things but who lights up when an attractive lady enters the room. Which of course seems to be completely at odds with his personality, a largely amiable sort who can’t quite believe he has a job in the Premier League, an appropriate emotion since nobody else can quite believe it, either. Still, West Brom’s season hasn’t gone quite as calamitously as one would’ve thought under a man sacked by Sheffield Wednesday while they were in League One, a couple of years ago. It hasn’t necessarily gone well as such, either, just not that badly.
One could say that the same ambiguity does not exist for Arsène Wenger at Arsenal. If you regard finishing fourth every year and doing OK in Europe as an achievement, then congratulations Big Dog, you’re doing a terrific job. But if you regard actual achievement as an achievement, then it’s difficult to say anything but ‘your days is numbered, bucko.’ It has of course become very fashionable to deliver a shoeing to Wenger, but sometimes things are fashionable because they are right.
It’s all good news/bad news for Arsenal fans at the moment, with Wenger on the one hand saying he’s going to buy someone in January, but on the other claiming his boys have been ‘unlucky’ with injuries this season. When something’s been going wrong for a decade, it ain’t luck, lad, and it’s not luck that leaves their midfield looking sugar paper thin this afternoon. Still, at least they have Mesut Özil, who has made a shortlist of players Fifa has heard o....sorry, no, is ‘among 15 nominees for the three-man midfield in the 2014 Fifa FifPro world XI.’ Of course, he’s injured at the moment.
So what would a win today mean for either side? For West Brom, a hint of legitimacy, a boost to a season heading in an uncertain direction, a genuine feather in their caps. For Arsenal...well, not a huge amount really, other than the three points. We’ve known that Arsenal can beat these sort of teams, so what does it prove that they can do it again? That they can accumulate enough points not to be a complete embarrassment? A victory today would merely be holding serve for Arsenal, and little more.
Still, join in, it could be a good ‘un.
Kick-off: 12.45pm.
