Thursday's question: I spend a lot of time looking after my granddaughter, aged three, because her mother has been diagnosed with depression. She has always had her ups and downs, although she didn't have post-natal depression. But I think the strain of being a single mum got to her – the dad is completely off the scene. She is taking anti-depressants now, and is much better than she used to be, but is still finding it hard to give her daughter the attention she knows she deserves. She feels guilty about that, which doesn't help her depression either. What can I do for the best, for both of them?
It is often grandparents who recognise the needs of their grandchildren and have these concerns. At Action for Children we run a range of services which both your daughter and granddaughter could benefit from. We run Children's Centres where your daughter would receive not just professional help in regard to her parenting but also start to meet with other mums, while your granddaughter plays and socialises with other children.
We run services for young carers where they can gain help and support from Action for Children to understand that while they are caring for a parent they also have the right to childhood fun as well and these projects run many interesting activities for the youngsters. Get in touch with us to find out if you have a project local to you on our customer care number: 0300 123 2112
Wednesday's question: My son, aged 7, is very angry and clingy. His father and I split up two years ago, and they still see each other every week. He is not angry with his dad (although he gets on badly with his stepmother, who is very strict), but with me. I am trying very hard to provide a stable, secure and loving background for him but this is really hard. He won't go to sleep unless I am in the room with him, and he shouts and screams at me all the time. Help!
Parents separating often has a profound impact on children, particularly on those who are still at primary school.
Action for Children has experience of assisting parents to separate through our mediation services, where we pay particular attention to the needs of the children in the family.
While the impact of separation may have had a deep impact on his behaviour, Action for Children have extensive experience of providing support to parents facing challenging behaviour through our Parenting Programmes.
It is important that you seek support in your parenting. The behaviours that you describe in your son, while understandable, could only become more ingrained and difficult to address the longer you delay seeking help.
I would suggest talking to your GP, your son's school or social services – any of whom will be able to point you in the direction of a Parenting Programme or other suitable help.
Tuesday's question: My 14 year-old son used to be very open with me and my husband, but recently has become very withdrawn. We thought this was normal behaviour for a teenager, but this has been going on for a while now and the dramatic personality change is worrying us. We're concerned he's being bullied at school or – worse – has got into drugs or something. How can we broach such subjects without getting his back up or alienating him further?
Fourteen is a difficult age when we are questioning who we really are. Our research has shown many young people find it difficult to talk to parents about issues that are happening for them around this time of transition.
In order to make those conversations easier, there are some things that you can think about. Try to ensure you avoid 'sitting down to have a talk' which can put a lot of pressure on the situation.
Try to blend a conversation into a natural daily occurrence like washing the car, walking the dog, playing games, or watching TV. In fact, watching TV can give you opportunities provided by the plot to try out some of your concerns in a neutral way.
Do talk to your son's friends, but whatever you do don't interrogate them or be unsubtle. You might want to consider whether there have been any significant changes in his behaviour such as spending more money? Is he overly awake or sleepy? Can you see any bruising or other marks on him?
However, it may just be he is in the uncommunicative stage of adolescence and that he will one day just emerge from it, this is very common.
Monday's question: My son does well at school academically, but he doesn't appear to have many friends. When I was younger it was common to have friends over for tea after school, but he has never asked to bring a play-mate home. He's quite a shy child, but not overtly so, yet I feel concerned there's perhaps something stopping him from making friends. He is an only child, aged nine. My husband and I are still together. Am I worrying unnecessarily? I don't want to make a big issue out of it and make him feel that there is something wrong.
Thanks very much for your question. You could consider taking your son to some out-of-school clubs, as this is a good way for him to find other ways to socialise with other children.
These clubs can be part of his school or outside it. Chess, hockey, rugby, football – whatever his interests might be there will most likely be a club nearby. These structured activities may help him to build on his confidence and self-esteem, and in his interaction with peers as well as broaden his social spectrum
However, as you point out, the thing is not to worry about it too much: make a big issue out of it and you could make him feel like he's got problems. Children often go through phases of being sociable but some children never bring friends home and this is quite normal. You can provide as many opportunities as possible for him to socialise, but don't worry too much if he also enjoys his own company.
Action for Children helps nearly 170,000 children, young people and their families through nearly 450 projects across the UK.
They also promote social justice by lobbying and campaigning for change.
Staff all over the UK help and support the most vulnerable children. They work in children's centres, in schools for disabled children, help children in care and in many other areas. They have been helping and supporting children and young people for the last 140 years, giving them a huge breadth and depth of experience.
A small team of Action for Children staff, working in the relevant fields, are available to answer any questions you might have on the topics that are being covered each week.
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