Phew! After the Greatest Game Ever last night, who would blame the papers for being a little lazy with their rumours this morning? Throw around a bit of Ronaldinho to blah blah blah, maybe mention the odd Peter Crouch to wherever, sink a couple of Alka-Seltzer and go back to bed until Liverpool v Chelsea. But wait, what's this? It's only the most fertile day for rumours since Carla Bruni said she'd quite like to find a man and settle down. How is a humble and rather fragile Rumour Mill meant to cope? By ploughing on regardless like the professional we are, that's how.
So, head down, let's get through these nine (count them ... one, two, three, four ... NINE!) pieces of juicy gossip. Alan Curbishley is planning an £18m bid for Mauro Zarate, currently on loan at Birmingham but owned by the global footballing super-power Al-Sadd of Qatar. And, yes, you read that right: £18m!
Steve Bruce has told Manchester City that if they want Antonio Valencia, he will cost them a damn sight more than the measly £5m that they have offered, but if they want any copies of his novel Striker!, they are more than welcome, he has boxfuls in the garage. In other over-priced winger news Sunderland and Portsmouth are in a £4m battle for Chelsea teenager Scott Sinclair, who scored this goal against Crystal Palace last year but hasn't done anything at a higher level. The new David Nugent anyone?
It turns out that Gerard Houllier was right all along. Florent Sinama-Pongolle (remember him?) is brilliant and worth far more that the £2.7m that Liverpool got for him from Recreativo last summer. In fact, if the papers are to be believed, Valencia and Atletico Madrid think he is worth exactly £7.2m. Meanwhile the news that Aston Villa are considering a £1.5m bid for Bayern Munich's Willy Sagnol takes us up to five rumours.
Pause for breath.
And we are back with news that Steven Pienaar wants Everton to make a firm bid for him or he is off. He is available for a bargain £2.4m but only until April 30. For that price you could get just less than a quarter of Germany defender Christoph Metzelder, as Kevin Keegan wants to give Real Madrid £10m for the whole man.
Up at the Reebok on Saturday, Bolton fans will be circulating a petition to get rid of Gary Megson and chairman Phil Gartside. So far, 500 desperate Trotters have signed it and they will be very excited to hear that a replacement is already lined up for their ginger king of Europe, and somehow he is even more underwhelming: It's Nigeria's youth coach Samson Siasia. No really, he is quoted as saying: "Things are almost concluded." But to be fair Bolton are quoted as saying: "This story has no basis in fact whatsoever", so make your own minds up.
Finally, an unnamed Premier League player is at the centre of a blackmail scandal with former Manchester City youth goalkeeper Ashley Timms, released by Cambridge City last week, accused of asking him for £15,000 to keep shtum about all kinds of sexy stories.
And relax.
