IT’S A KNOCKOUT KNOCKOUT
The Fiver bloody loves the World Cup. Nothing else allows such wall-to-wall indulgence of our greatest passion: moaning about how much better things were in the old days. Every time some “twentysomething” gets excited about a great goal, we brusquely inform them they should see Algeria’s first against Chile in 1982 before inflicting their extreme views on others. When an “expert” hails the World Cup as the best ever before the end of the group stages, we wait for the knockout stages and smile smugly as match after match goes to penalties following a sterile 0-0 draw.
In short, there is part of The Fiver that wants the World Cup to be a disappointment. But there’s also a small, dying part of us, that little boy inside, who wants it to be a cracker – and so far we’ve found almost nothing to moan about at Ethics 2018. OK, the judicial lottery of VAR has given luddism a good name, and it’s being played in a country where human rights are a thing of the future, but the actual football has been great fun. And for the first time in ages, even the knockout stages have started brilliantly. The weekend was a blast, with 14 goals in four matches – some utterly brilliant, some entirely farcical. All four matches were so compelling in different ways that we couldn’t have dragged ourselves away from the sofa even if we hadn’t been wedged into it for the last fortnight.
France’s 4-3 win over Argentina will doubtless be remembered as the day Kylian Mbappé became a superstar, despite Marcos Rojo’s best efforts to kidnap him in plain sight. That was almost as funny as Sergei Ignashevich’s pantomime own goal against Spain – it’s behind you, you big galoot – and the slapstick start to Croatia v Denmark. Ignashevich, to be fair, showed sizeable swingers by taking an excellent penalty during the subsequent shootout, which Spain lost after having 110% of possession during the game. There was controversy, too, when they had a strong penalty appeal turned down by referee Vladimir Putin.
The second penalty shootout, between Croatia and Denmark, was a war between two goalkeepers: Danijel Subasic and Kasper Schmeichel saved five between them, with Croatia going through to meet Russia in the quarter-finals. All of which, as you know well, means that one of these teams will play in a World Cup final: Croatia, England, Russia, England, Colombia, England, Sweden, England, England, England or England. Oh and maybe Switzerland.
In our excitement, we asked Alexa if she reckons England might go all the way. “Listen, you giddy halfwit,” she droned. “If you don’t stop slagging off VAR, and by implication technology, then Mrs Fiver will receive a printout of your bank statement in the post tomorrow. Best of luck explaining why you have a recurring payment to bongobongo.com, or why you blew £400 in Nando’s last month.” Alexa couldn’t darken our mood for long, especially when we saw Monday’s fixture list: Brazil v Mexico and Belgium v Japan. Those matches surely mean more goals, more excitement, more slapstick, more more. And if the games are rubbish, we can just chunter to everyone that it’ll never be as good as when Austria beat Switzerland 7-5 in 1954.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“English journalists say we’re boring, but who the hell cares?” – Sweden midfielder Albin Ekdal arranges his fingers into the V formation and flicks them in the general direction of the press pack.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Here’s the latest World Cup Football Daily podcast, with Max Rushden and co, and you can find it in this general area every matchday evening.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism [the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – Fiver Ed] is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us. In return we can hopefully arm you with the kind of knowledge that makes you sound slightly less uninformed during those hot reactive gegenpress chats you so enjoy. And if you think what we do is enjoyable [again, etc and so on – Fiver Ed], please help us keep coming back here to give you more of the same.
FIVEЯ LETTERS
“Good to see the FiveЯ get in the spirit of the rest day by sending out Thursday’s email again on Friday. Two days of Fivers done with no effort. Result” – Ken McCarron (and 1,056 others).
“Idiots” – Stephen Yoxall.
“I’m currently beating my husband in the ‘getting a letter in The FiveЯ’ in-house competition by some considerable distance. However, I don’t think he will allow the second viewing of Thursday’s effort on Friday to count” – Katie Maddock.
“So we’ve reached the Round of Mexico, the World Cup’s equivalent to Big Cup’s Round of Arsenal. This is the seventh straight World Cup where El Tri have qualified for the knockout phase and all six previous tournaments have ended at the next hurdle. Given their similar track records, as well as being generally overhyped by their supporters and not having a clue as to how to harness the talents of Carlos Vela, it’s easy to foresee defeat against Brazil. This Yank, however, sees a happier outcome for our southern neighbours. Vamos Chucky! Vamos El Tri!” – R Reisman.
“There are a lot of complaints about fair-play ranking but not many ideas on what would be better (or how drawing lots isn’t worse). Here’s one: after every draw in a group game, there’s a penalty shoot-out, with the result being used only to determine the head-to-head ‘winner’ if the teams finish level on points. Another opportunity to go out on penalties. Perfect for England” – Christopher Smith.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day and, with it, a copy of World Cup Nuggets by Richard Foster is … Christopher Smith.
BITS AND BOBS
Mo Salah’s World Cup wasn’t the best, but the Egyptian has improved his summer by signing a new Liverpool contract, keeping him at the club until 2023. In theory, at least. “When someone like Mo commits and says this place is my home now, it speaks very loudly,” hollered Jürgen Klopp.
David Hytner’s report from Nizhny Novgorod reveals Croatia’s penalty hero Danijel Subasic nearly did a Steve Morrow after the shootout.
Colombia keeper David Ospina doesn’t think it’s coming home. “We have experience and good quality … nothing will frighten us,” he growled.
Gareth Southgate has backed Jordan Pickford and also managed to reference Creme Eggs in his latest England presser.
And Eden Hazard fancies Belgium’s chances with so many big names already out. “I want to go through the quarter-final, semi-final and maybe the final,” he tooted.
STILL WANT MORE?
P.A.R.T.Y? Because they only went and knocked out Spain! Andrew Roth surveys the #scenes in Moscow.
Tiki-taxi for Spain! Barney Ronay watched on as the process that delivered three consecutive major trophies finally ate itself.
Ten months ago, England were jeered by their fans in Malta. Daniel Taylor reflects on their journey since.
Nick Ames previews the Round of Mexico.
Luka Modric may have missed his extra-time penalty but has the artistry to take Croatia to the final, writes Kieran Pender.
And France’s Kylian Mbappé could be a bargain even at £166m, purrs Jonathan Wilson.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
