My husband and I married two years ago after two years of a mostly long-distance relationship. This meant we engaged in sex chat and dirty talk. I had some problems with that, but finally accepted it as something specific to the time and mood. But then he moved near me, and I forbade any dirty talk. Since then, he has had a low sex drive and we have sex maybe once in three months. I really need it but he does not.
It was wonderfully creative of you both to develop such an exciting, non-contact sexual style while you lived apart – it’s a pity it stopped. The art of erotic conversation often thrives in long-distance relationships, and it is partly the obstacle of distance that enhances the spark.
I understand his sense of loss – which may have led to his lowered desire – as well as your longing for an exciting physical connection. However, what you originally established as your usual form of lovemaking cannot be changed overnight. Try to be patient, and focus on accomplishing a smoother transition. As a bridging mechanism, consider initiating some sex play that is similar to your earlier style: you can still make an erotic call, even if you are in the same house.
Once he he is erotically motivated again, you can introduce different, full-contact scenarios, led by your own fantasies. There are many ways to reawaken the spark between you, and I am sure you can forego the stereotypical notion of what constitutes “normal” sex to thrilling mutual satisfaction.
