Starbucks released a Halloween "Witch's Brew" Frappuccino recently, so we tried it.
The colors of a day-old bruise, layered with what appear to be insect egg sacs, capped with oozing mossy cream, the drink has no coffee in it whatsoever. Instead, the beverage offers a surprisingly benign yet utterly forgettable fruity flavor.
When I brought back my own overflowing personal cup, a pint glass actually, my colleagues recoiled.
"It tastes like Nickelodeon weaponized its stockpile of Gak, slime and other goops into a beverage meant to turn children into sugar zombies," wrote Food & Dining Deputy Editor Joseph Hernandez in an email after he stomped away from our tasting. "No discernible natural flavors or textures, honestly I'm mad that this is what human achievement passes for these days." We can only hope his creative palate did not suffer irreparable damage.
"Smoothie gone wrong," wrote Food & Dining reporter Grace Wong, our resident Asian dessert beverage expert. "I regret that."
Officially Starbucks says the Frappuccino is orange "creme" flavor with chia seed layers.
"We wanted to create a flavor that you might enjoy at a Halloween party," said Jennica Robinson from the Starbucks beverage development team in a release, with no details about these alleged chia-seeded parties.
The Witch's Brew is available at participating stores for a limited time while supplies last.
