A woman said her unemployed fiancé used their shared savings, mostly funded by her income, to pay for a luxury dinner and engagement ring without her knowledge.
The 26-year-old explained in a post shared on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole, that her partner, 33, has been jobless for a year and had not disclosed the withdrawals before proposing. When she confronted him, he insisted it was "our money" and argued they were "practically married anyway."
Surprise Proposal Sparks Conflict
The couple, who have lived together for three years, shared expenses evenly until his layoff a year ago. Since then, she has covered most costs while reducing spending on takeout and leisure.
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Despite their tighter budget, he arranged dinner at a fancy restaurant where he presented a ring. She said it was "larger than I anticipated but beautiful nonetheless" and accepted his proposal, calling the night one of the happiest of her life — until she later reviewed her account balances and saw unexplained withdrawals.
After checking statements, she discovered her fiancé had used around $3,500 from their joint account to cover the cost of the ring and dinner. Because her income makes up the majority of their current savings, she said she felt blindsided by the decision.
When she asked why he had not told her beforehand, he grew defensive. According to her, he said the money was shared and that the proposal was supposed to be a celebration. "We're practically married anyway," he told her, accusing her of "ruining" the moment.
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Doubts Surface After Engagement
Despite the joyful proposal, tension quickly grew. She admitted she did not know how to handle the situation since discovering the withdrawals. She has avoided telling anyone, explaining that she had just announced her engagement to close family and did not want conflict so soon.
She also said she and her fiancé are now barely speaking, and she questioned whether she was overreacting because, in her words, the proposal had been "beautiful and sweet" and the savings were technically shared.
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Online Reactions Point To Red Flags
"He gave you a ring that he contributed nothing towards. The ultimate zero risk, zero investment proposal," one commenter wrote. The post drew hundreds of responses, with many users criticizing the fiancé for using household savings on personal spending without consent.
Others warned the woman to consider separate accounts and delay wedding plans until he contributes to savings again. As one commenter posted, "You've been carrying the load for a year. He needs to carry the load for a year plus repay the $3,500 spent on the ring and dinner."
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Image: Shutterstock
