In a supreme victory for the forces of irony, Jordan Peterson has apparently been incapacitated by cleaning up a dirty room. The psychologist, author, and bottomless fountain of tears is currently hospitalized and suffering from pneumonia and sepsis, as well as a spate of neurological issues that have apparently left him unable to regulate his emotions.
His daughter, Mikhaila Peterson, took to X to give the world an update on her father’s health, describing his recovery as “slow and scary”, and admitting “we’re not entirely sure what’s going on”.
Hey, as you know @jordanbpeterson has been really sick. A lot of people have been asking for updates so here’s one. He’s recovering slowly day by day but I won't lie, it's slow and scary. He won't be back for another few months at least, probably longer. We’re not entirely sure… pic.twitter.com/wmS5Wy2tg8
— Mikhaila Peterson (@MikhailaFuller) October 4, 2025
The stated cause of Peterson’s ongoing neurological and physical deterioration is SIRS (systemic inflammatory response syndrome) caused by mold exposure. This is apparently the result of decades of living with mold, though it was recently exacerbated by exposure to an especially moldy environment. Mikhaila claimed in August that:
“Recently, he was exposed to a particularly moldy environment while helping clean out my grandfather’s house after he passed away, which severely flared symptoms.”
But, as always seems to be the case with the Peterson family, it can’t just be a case of mold-induced incapacitation; there’s something more dramatic at work. Mikhaila then theorizes that “To be perfectly honest, I think a lot of this is spiritual”, outlining several health crises that took place in quick succession.
Demonic assault?
You might argue that a man who has spent seven years subsisting almost entirely on beef cooked in beef fat, excluding all vegetables, fruits, carbohydrates, and sugars, is cruising for a medical crisis at some point. But Mikhaila (who is also on the same diet) believes something “otherworldly” is at play and says she won’t let “demons” get in the way of spreading his message.
Honestly, from a demon’s perspective, Peterson is low-hanging fruit when it comes to tormentable subjects. The man bursts into messy tears when talking about Disney princesses and has essentially the same diet as a housecat, so any self-respecting denizen of the underworld should be able to drive him to the brink of insanity by lunchtime and move on to their next target that afternoon.
Regardless of whether it’s the mold, the diet, a spiritual crisis, or good old-fashioned demonic assault, we can only hope Peterson recovers. Sure, I don’t agree with him about anything, but this weepy, deranged, overemotional basketcase does more to discredit conservative thinking than an army of well-meaning social justice warriors, so I can only wish him a long life.
