A couple who have battled through erection problems and come out the other side want to break the stigma around issues in the bedroom.
Joanne, 51, and Louis, 52, from Whitstable in Kent, met just over seven years ago when she caught his eye in the supermarket where she worked.
“I’d seen her in there before and thought, ‘she looks nice’, but I noticed she had a ring on her finger,” Louis told The Mirror.
“I thought, ‘don’t go there’.”
But one evening, when he popped out to the smoking area at a bar, he spotted her again and the pair started chatting. It was then that Louis learned the ring Joanne wore was given to her by her late husband.
For more of the news you care about straight to your inbox, sign up for one of our daily newsletters here
“She said she was the girl from the Coop and I introduced myself,” Louis said.
“We spent the rest of that evening chatting in the bar.”
Sparks flew between the pair, who started dating and before long, fell into a relationship.
“We weren’t planning it that way but it just snowballed. Within a year we’d moved in with each other,” Louis said.
But as the pair, who are now engaged, took their relationship to the next level, an issue started to rear its head in the bedroom.
“Starting out wasn’t an issue, but maintaining [an erection] was a problem,” Louis explained.
“I was working really long hours, getting up at 4.30 in the morning and not getting home until 7.30 at night.
“I was absolutely knackered and didn’t really have the energy.”
On top of work-related stress, Louis was going through some difficult emotional issues too.
“Literally as soon as we moved in, my mother had just died suddenly, and it really threw a spanner in the works,” he explained.
Louis added that, within six months of his mum passing away, another close family member fell seriously ill, which only added to his grief.
He said: “That was a curveball and it put the pressure on me. It made me think, ‘what’s going on’?
“[Joanne and I] get to the intimate stages and the starting point was never a problem, it was just maintaining it.
“I thought I was just tired and had a lot on my mind.”
But when Louis’s family member thankfully recovered, he realised the erection problems he was having weren’t going away.
Meanwhile, Joanne had her own concerns about the relationship.
She told The Mirror: “I’d stopped smoking and I’d put on a little bit of weight. I thought it was me - that he didn’t fancy me anymore.
“I thought, ‘is he having an affair with somebody else’?”
The pair admit they didn’t confront the problems for a little while, but Louis knew he needed to reassure his partner.
“I was in tune about how it was affecting Joanne and I was thinking there was something wrong with me,” Louis said.
“I’d obviously heard of erectile dysfunction and I looked up the symptoms of it. Obviously stress is a big part of it.”
According to the NHS website, erection problems are fairly common, particularly in men over the age of 40. The most common causes are stress, anxiety, and drinking too much.
The NHS recommends anyone with sustained erection problems should go for a checkup with their GP, as it could be a sign of a more serious health condition like diabetes.
Louis described his relief at learning he wasn’t alone and there was a solution to the problem.
“I sat down with Joanne and said, ‘this is what I think is the problem’.”
After chatting frankly, the pair went to the chemist and picked up some “happy pills.”
And using viagra did the trick for the pair.
“The only drawback is that you have to plan it,” Louis said.
The couple agreed that sitting down and communicating about their problem lifted a weight from their shoulders.
“I thought it was me and the problems were because of me,” Joanne said.
Louis added: “For me, it was about reassuring [Joanne] that that wasn’t the case.”
Although using viagra to sustain an erection takes a little more planning, the pair soon got used to organising time to be intimate.
Now, they’re telling their story to encourage other couples to be more open and honest about any issues they might be having in the bedroom.
“You need to be open and honest with yourself and your partner,” Louis said. “You’re not the only person going through this, and it happens.”
He added: “We do live in a stressful world these days, with a lot of pressure.
“I know men don’t talk about such things but let’s just be normal and human, and accept none of us are perfect. We all have issues but they can be dealt with rather than suffering.”
He added he prefers to use the term “erection problems” rather than “erectile dysfunction” - because calling it a problem assures you it’s something that can be fixed.
Research commissioned by 'Time to Raise It' showed that an estimated 5 million men in the UK suffer from erection problems - and that included men in their 20s and 30s.
Do you have a real life story to share? Email jessica.taylor@reachplc.com
Joanne said: “From a woman’s point of view, don’t think of it about something that’s your fault.
“If you have any doubts, just ask your partner.”
The Time to Raise It movement aims to remove the shame and stigma associated with erection problems and put the joy back into sex, love and intimacy. Visit the Time to Raise It report on the Men’s Health Forum for more information.
