In my experience, anyone's anger or aggressive behaviour is often a result of something else on their mind that's bothering them.
Because of your proximity to your children, it’s very easy just to snap back if they act out, before looking at the bigger picture or root cause.
Responding with anger yourself will escalate the situation from lovely day to war zone in three short seconds. Young people don’t have the skills to separate their feelings from their behaviour. That’s our job to teach them.
READ MORE: How parents can have 'difficult' conversations with teens and help them open up
We can teach young people the steps to deal with anger, just the same as sadness. Step away from the situation, get some fresh air and think about why the situation is triggering for them. It’s 100% on us to help them find the correct words to describe their feelings.
You can help your young person understand it’s normal to feel anger and sadness, from a very early age. But that it’s not ok to shout, throw things or hit anyone or anything.
It’s important to let them talk and really listen to what it’s like for them. Let them vent. There’s absolutely no point in saying “school’s the best time of your life” or “I wish I had someone to do my washing, cooking and tidying” and implying they have it easy. Life for young people today, is not easy!
Their stress and overwhelm has probably built up over time and spilled out unexpectedly over something small.
If the adults in their life bottle things up and don’t talk about their feelings, young people won’t learn how to. But if you talk openly about feeling overwhelmed, worried or sad, it’s more likely your children will too. If you bottle things up until you explode and punch walls… it’s likely your children will to.
If your child struggles with anger often, you can plan steps with them to help them cope when the feeling arises. Apps like Headspace and Calm are particularly helpful for teenagers.
Discuss openly (during a calm time) that punching walls and kicking people is a huge no. But punching or screaming into a pillow is perfectly fine. Throwing things across their room, no. Throwing a ball against the wall, yes!
Young people experience negative emotions, just like we do. We should be reassuring them that the human experience isn’t about being happy 100% of the time (as toxic positivity would have us believe). The reality is more like 50/50. If we let them know their feelings can’t hurt them, rather, they’re something to explore, we could raise a less violent generation.
All emotions are valid. But not all behaviour is acceptable.
Get the top stories straight to your inbox by signing up to one of our free newsletters
