“My wife and I have an eight-year-old who never seems to need any sleep, so we don’t have as much ‘alone’ time as we used to. This means that when our daughter is at a club – like gymnastics at 9.30am on a Saturday – we both know that we need to use that time for sex. Because it’s often a bit of a rushed job (we have about 40 minutes before she needs picking up again), there’s not really much time for foreplay, so we rely on Kynect (the new name for KY Jelly) to make things a bit smoother, and it does. It might all seem a bit unromantic, but as with a lot of things in a busy household, you just have to work with what time you have.” Matt, 42 (straight male)
“I’ve been married for five years, and my wife and I have a son and a daughter (I gave birth to both of them, but one of them is my egg with a sperm donor and the other is her egg with the same donor). Our sex life is probably the same as a lot of other married couples with kids – pretty sparse! It doesn’t help that for big chunks of time, her parents come over from New Zealand and stay with us, which means we have to move into our son’s room (our daughter goes into a bunk bed with him) and sleep in twin beds. Passion killer. But we always make sure that the last weekend they are with us, they look after the kids overnight and we book into a nice hotel and make up for it.” Gemma, 40 (gay female)
“Tom and I have been together for 18 years and have two girls (14 and eight). We both have busy jobs but have always had a fair bit of sex. I’d say we do it at least twice a week now – something that always gets a shocked response from my other girlfriends with kids – but it used to be way more. Tom would do it every day if he could, but a lot of the time I’m super tired and don’t really feel like it. This is why I make sure I get a regular full wax as I know that really does it for him, and it makes me feel sexy, so helps the whole thing along! Booking a wax is a necessity for me and our intimacy, so the pandemic made things tricky, plus the girls were at home, so the sex did become less frequent. I was very relieved when my waxer could finally make home visits again – and so was Tom.” Holly, 48 (straight female)
“I met my boyfriend on a popular gay dating app 11 years ago and we’re now pretty settled. We bought a house together, own a dog and have sex a few times a month. But we also have an open relationship, something that we agreed fairly early on. It stops both of us from feeling trapped and if I’m honest is probably the key to us lasting so long. We don’t talk about our ‘other’ sex lives with each other, I don’t want to think about what he might be doing when I’m away with work or he’s visiting his family in Ireland. But I know it’s happening. Recently I came back from a weekend away and I noticed our tube of lube was out on top of the bedside table, not where we keep it. So I knew he’d probably met up with someone. The important thing is that when we’re together we feel content, connected and very much in love, not itching for the excitement of something else.” David, 43 (gay male)
“We’ve been married for 11 years now, together for 14, and after the birth of our daughter (five years ago) sex was pretty non-existent for about a year. We got stuck in a total rut with it. There was never any time, and to be honest I didn’t feel like it. After that, the only time we’d really do it was when I got drunk. A couple of years ago I decided to talk it through with him as I was worried it was becoming a problem. It wasn’t that I didn’t want sex with him anymore, I just felt like we had to go the whole way each time just to tick a box – which then made it feel like a chore. I was honest and told him that I missed kissing and touching and all the foreplay we used to do, when we were young and kid-free. We agreed to concentrate on that. We got a tube of Kynect but agreed only to use it for foreplay and massage. It just makes everything more pleasurable, and soft and slippy. I now don’t feel any pressure to have full-on sex, but all the touching that I get actually makes me want to do it more and we’re now in a much better, more exciting place with our intimacy.” Jen, 39 (straight female)
“There’s much more to sex than intercourse and I really realised that when I lost my husband of 42 years to cancer 14 years ago. Quite quickly after his death, I started to have coffees and dinner with one of his old work colleagues, something my family couldn’t understand or accept. But I missed the intimacy of a man’s company over dinner and at the end of the evening, just to talk to. We’ve been ‘together’ ever since. We keep this intimacy alive by having at least three dinners together a week and the last thing we do every night is phone each other to hear each other’s voice. We don’t have actual sexual intercourse, I feel too old for that, and we don’t live together but we go on holiday a few times a year and share a bed and have a cuddle. I don’t think young people understand that talking – and making time for that – can be just as intimate as the other stuff.” Irene, 82 (straight female)
“When my fiance and I got engaged recently we hired a photographer to take intimate pictures of us together (we look like we’re having sex in them, but we didn’t actually go the whole way in front of her!) and I love them. They’re so cool and will hopefully remind us both of a time that we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We’re pretty well matched in that respect even though we’ve now been together for 10 years, and he’s 10 years older than me. But we keep things alive with role play and dirty talk, something that is guaranteed to get us both going.” Charlotte, 29 (straight female)
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