looked very different this week. We were all thinking it — I know, I know, — and now we’ve got some intel into what was actually going on. Turns out this isn’t specifically a result of being in love with your ex:
bride sat down on our podcast this week and said that our 2023 villain Shannon spent too long in the solarium. Um, what?
podcast co-host commended Janelle for her fire one-liner at the dinner party this week when she said, “He’s just as shady as his fucking fake tan”. The beauty influencer took the opportunity to explain her comment.
“That man’s tan, though. Honestly. Can we talk about that?” Janelle replied, to which co-host asked if it was a “real” tan.
“I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this,” Janelle laughed. “I had heard that he was in a solarium for half an hour… that’s long. Apparently you’re not meant to be in there for that long.”
He shouldn’t have been in a solarium at all to be honest. It became illegal to use commercial solariums in January 2015 so it begs a lot of questions — even more than we already have about , second cousin and general way of existing.
“It was real technically, but not,” Janelle continued. “But it was so patchy, the tan. You could just see the tan was not even on his face and I was like, ‘Bro, stop. It’s ageing you.'”
I am going to sit here quietly.
“Maybe I should give him a few recommendations,” the bride laughed. “It’s even worse in person — it was giving oompa loompa.”
Now I know what you’re thinking because I see it in the comments sections all the time: we wouldn’t criticise the appearance of a woman, so why are we doing it to a man?
Here’s the thing — Shannon has been criticising the appearance of his wife since basically their honeymoon.
In fact, for not being over his ex, saying that if she were more attractive that he would’ve been able to move on from the mother of his child. This isn’t about retaliating, but it’s about not giving someone special treatment who can’t give basic common decency to someone else.
Plus, even though most of Australia has taken issue with Shannon right now (did you know he’s one of the many ?), I was genuinely worried about the bloke. I’m relieved to find out it’s just a shitty tan. But he might want to book that skin check.
Sign up to read this article
Read news from 100’s of titles, curated specifically for you.
