There have been moments over the past nine months when Kerry Holden has sat in an office on a Gloucestershire Royal hospital ward and “had a little cry in the corner”. Most recently, it happened when reflecting on the more than 600 NHS and healthcare workers who died after contracting the virus.
As Holden, a lead nurse for infection prevention at Gloucestershire Hospitals NHS foundation trust, says: “Reading that list of names, even now, brings a tear to my eye. It was heartbreaking to think those people came to work and lost their lives.”
It’s stumbling on photos of “full families back in January” who’ve now lost a member due to Covid-19 that really affects Holden. Such images are particularly raw, possibly because her job this year has involved delivering distressing news to families that they couldn’t visit bedsides of gravely ill relatives to say goodbye.
“Having to tell families that you’re trying your best but it’s not safe for them to visit loved ones, is one of the most challenging things of my career,” she says. “I’d be absolutely devastated if I wasn’t able to say a proper goodbye”.
Given such circumstances, it’s hardly surprising Holden has what she calls “wobbly moments”. As she puts it: “If you haven’t had a cry during this pandemic, you’re not human. Even though you put the uniform on every day and get on with it, you still have feelings.”
She’s hoping this will change with the rollout of the Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine, the largest mass vaccination programme in the NHS’s history. Last week, Holden became the first person in Gloucestershire to receive the jab. For Holden and her colleagues, the vaccine offers “a glimmer of hope – a feeling there might be an end to all this and a future where we can go out and see our families again”.
Throughout the pandemic, one of Holden’s biggest fears was that the hospital wards where she worked would get overwhelmed with patients; something the vaccine should help prevent. During the second national lockdown, those fears resurfaced. “People are exhausted with the compliance of distancing and wearing masks,” she says. “I’m worried we could see another surge and more people will lose their lives.” The vaccine offers additional safety and reassurance for NHS staff. “We’ve been working 12-hour shifts and have often been on-site for six days at a time; it’s been exhausting,” she says. “Something as simple as staff taking PPE off in the right order is so fundamental to not getting contaminated.”
Holden believes the vaccine will help one colleague who is in a vulnerable group and has been shielding since March.
“For her to know that she’ll be able to access this vaccine [must] feel like a weight from her chest has been lifted,” she says. Holden is also relishing the opportunity to “give colleagues cuddles when they feel down. Some situations have been tough.”
One of Holden’s friends is currently suffering from long Covid. “He’s one of the fittest people I know, but now struggles to walk up the stairs without getting out of breath,” she says. “This virus doesn’t discriminate – it’ll take anybody quickly without warning, including younger people.”
Holden has worked as a nurse for 10 years. “I always wanted to work in infection control – I’m a bit of a weirdo!” she says.
Yet, despite extensive training for possible epidemics, nothing prepared her for the first wave of Covid-19.
The pathogen was virtually unknown at the time, but Holden says she never worried about catching the virus. “In my job in infection control, wearing PPE is normal; I always felt protected.”
But the second wave of Covid-19 this autumn has been “more difficult than the first” she says. “You’re reliving things you’ve done already – the anticipation of 12-hour days and making tough decisions all over again is often harder – my brain wakes me up at 4am every morning making me think: ‘Am I doing enough?’”
The vaccine gives her optimism for the months ahead. With the World Health Organization recently warning that young people are doubting whether they want to
get vaccinated, Holden also feels that she has a role to play in inspiring others.
“Being from a BAME background and a younger person, I’d hope it’d encourage other people to think: ‘She looks a bit like me, I’ll take the vaccine,’” she says. “I feel like it’s my duty as a nurse to have this vaccine. When it comes to a pandemic, it’s a sum of all parts; we all have to do our bit to make a difference.”
What the vaccine means to me
Four people share their thoughts on why they want the Covid-19 vaccine and what they’re looking forward to ...
‘I’m so excited – I will take the vaccine as soon as I can get it’
Blodwen Freeth, 95, retired, Port Talbot, Wales
“I’ll be 96 next month, so I’ll be thrilled to get the vaccination. It has been a very lonely year for people who live alone, like me. Within my court, the residents haven’t been able to get together for coffee mornings every week because most people are high risk. I haven’t been able to do my shopping like I do locally or go out for a meal to see family. When you’re as old as I am now and you haven’t got that long left, you want to enjoy it as much as possible. I’m just so excited for things to change – I will take it as soon as I can get it.”
‘The vaccine will really make a difference’
Yvonne Haddow, 67, is a retired primary school teacher from Blairgowrie, Scotland
“I’m a tremendously sociable person, and before the virus I was a lady who lunched all the time! I love travelling, too, but with my husband, Tommy, approaching 75, we’ve both been very cautious. I have so many groups of lovely friends and, like most people, I really miss seeing them and my family. I’ve kept myself busy studying with the Open University, building a water feature in the garden, and chatting on WhatsApp.
“My son’s first baby is due in April next year, so I’m hoping to get there at the beginning of the month after the baby is born. We also have our annual trip to Brighton booked for May, a family holiday with nine of our grandchildren in September, and four weddings to attend, including my nephew’s in America and my son’s, whose wedding was cancelled this year. If we can get the vaccine, hopefully it will really make a difference.”
‘My industry needs to get back on its feet’
Nick Moran, 34, freelance experience designer, London
“I design and build escape rooms, so a global pandemic hasn’t exactly been fantastic for my industry. People socialising in mixed groups and doing activities indoors is everything we can’t do at the moment, so it’s been a difficult time. Luckily, I work as a freelancer and contractor and have been able to do other things.
“There are more than 1,500 escape rooms in the UK today – hyperlocal businesses run by local entrepreneurs – and my dad and brother are also in the live-events industry, so I’m looking forward to all these amazing people, who are full of ingenuity, being able to run their businesses again. I didn’t expect [the vaccine] to happen quite so soon – that is pretty amazing.”
‘I miss the intimacy of personal interaction’
Peter Donnelly, 21, is a full-time law student at Queen’s University, Belfast
“Younger people have been fortunate during the pandemic in one way, because we can keep in touch with family and friends on social media. Since March, there hasn’t been anything remotely resembling ‘university life’ in the conventional sense. Traditionally, in the run up to Christmas, you’d see your student friends before everyone went their separate ways, but that simply hasn’t happened this year. One of the main things I’ve missed is personal interaction. Once the vaccine reaches those aged 15-24, I’ll be looking forward to the [return of] live music.”
Interviews by Rosie Mullender
This advertiser content was paid for by the UK government. All together (Fight Covid-19) is a government-backed initiative tasked with informing the UK about the Covid-19 pandemic. For more information, visit gov.uk/coronavirus
