ARSENE KNOWS WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER
Last season Arsène Wenger tended to stage his weekly press conferences on Fridays. But he held the one to preview this weekend’s clash with Bournemouth today, Thursday. That catalyst for change that Ivan Gazidis bragged about is evidently in full effect. Watch out, 15 teams currently above Arsenal in the Premier League table!
The conference may have been ostensibly to look forward to the meeting with Eddie Howe’s billionaire-backed fairytale club, the one that was fined £35,000 in March for breaching anti-doping regulations, but an audience with Wenger is traditionally also an opportunity to try to glean the Frenchman’s thoughts on the state of modern society and, if possible, on Per Mertesacker’s guinea pig, Weird Uncle Fiver’s film exploits and José Mourinho’s personal grooming. That chance appears to have been missed today but the hackery did manage to prod the Arsenal manager into holding forth on an assortment of football-related topics, including the recently closed transfer window.
Naturally Wenger confirmed that Arsenal came tantalisingly close to signing some of the very best players in the world, but he also called for a change in the rules so the window is shut before the season starts because “in players’ minds, they have no clarity. Are they in? Are they out? Are they half in? Are they half out?” Premier League chairmen duly listened to Wenger’s plea, and it was announced this afternoon that they have voted to close next summer’s window before the 2018-19 campaign begins. The vote was not unanimous – it is understood 14 suits voted in favour of the amendment, with five against and one abstention – and the change will only concern incoming signings, so clubs will still be able to sell players until 31 August.
Wenger was also invited to respond to the many former Arsenal players who are now paid good money to point at Aaron Ramsey updating his Facebook profile in the middle of a match and Mesut Özil’s pausing to feed ducks on his way to cutting out an opponent’s counterattack. “I always have problems understanding what a legend is and what a legend isn’t. I’ve had all the players here and we speak about today but they all had their weaknesses, as well, don’t worry about that,” tut-tutted Wenger of the professional ex-professionals. “They had their weak games and their weak behaviours. Nobody was perfect.” Careful. Arsène knows.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Everything that happens around Carlos creates something all over the world. It’s incredible. I didn’t watch one game of Chinese football last year. Now, you can watch it on Sky and you can watch in South America, and I think it’s because of Carlos Tevez. People maybe say to me: ‘No it’s because of whatever.’ But for me, it’s because of Tevez. Everybody depends so much on Carlos that whatever he does he creates something” – Gus Poyet’s reply when asked about the struggling striker’s effect on the Chinese game does little to suggest the Shanghai Shenhua manager has actually watched a Super League match this season either.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism – the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us by making a one-off or recurring contribution.
FIVER LETTERS
“I find Jon Roach’s suggestion that there is a ‘Fiver Style Guide’ (yesterday’s Letters) to be somewhere between hilarious and ludicrous. I thought the Fiver’s style was suffering through a Tin hangover while mashing the keyboard in the hope that what’s produced will do?” – Sean Atkins.
“The Fiver is familiar with ‘the consequences of reportedly missing a deadline’ (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). Other than delaying that evening’s planned consumption of Tin, please, do enlighten us, as to what those consequences might be? Certainly, whatever said consequences are, they don’t appear to have inspired any greater punctuality for subsequent tea-timely emails” – Ben Graham.
“As a pub and beer enthusiast, the words ‘Atom’ and ‘Humber’ in the opening paragraph of Wednesday’s Fiver made me think of Atom brewery, based on the outskirts of Hull. Similarly, seeing the word ‘Pedigree’ called to mind something Weird Uncle Fiver probably used to drink before he was barred. With this in mind, the combination of a story on Big Website that London is the second most expensive part of the country to buy beer (behind Surrey), and the recent claim by Manchester to be the cask beer capital of the UK, all of a sudden the Alexis Sánchez to City rumours make proper sense” – Ed Taylor.
“Re yesterday’s quote of the day. Is that all he can come up with? As a lifelong Hammer, I can think of plenty more but then I don’t suppose you can print East End vernacular?” – Peter Arnold.
“Re PSG and Neymar ‘peeing in the swimming pool’ and ‘off the diving board’ (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). Did Weird Uncle Fiver have guests over at the weekend? Entertaining can be so difficult” – Mike Wilner.
“Re Javier Tebas’s Neymar comments. It wouldn’t be the first time that Neymar’s dives have taken the pi$$” – Daniel Doody.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter of the day prize – a copy of the very good The Title: The Story of the First Division, written by Big Website’s very own Scott Murray is … Ed Taylor. Send us your address and we’ll send you a book. We’ve got more copies to give away this week, so get scribbling.
BITS AND BOBS
Ronald Koeman has said he is “very disappointed” by Wayne Rooney’s drink-driving charge. “In line with any disciplinary matter, this will be dealt with internally by the club at the appropriate time,” humphed the Everton manager.
Neil Lennon has signed a new three-year contract with Hibernian. “I’ve made no secret of my enjoyment of my time at Easter Road and my desire to stay,” chirped the former Queen’s Celtic manager. “The infrastructure is first class, it’s a great club and now I want to do all I can to make it a successful one.”
The former Sutton United goalkeeper Wayne Shaw has been left, erm, eating humble pie after being fined £375 and banned for two months for breaching FA betting rules. The 45-year-old tucked into a slab of pastry during February’s FA Cup loss to Arsenal after a bookie had offered odds that he would do so on camera.
South Africa suits are likely to send an appeal to the dormant volcano that serves as Fifa’s lair. It follows the governing body’s decision to order a replay of last November’s World Cup qualifier against Senegal after the referee was banned for life for manipulating the result.
And Alain Giresse has resigned as Mali’s head coach after their 6-0 defeat at the hands of Morocco in World Cup qualifying. “He is not in the right frame of mind to continue, plus there are concerns for his security,” said the Mali Football Federation’s president.
THE RECAP
Sign up and receive the best of Big Website’s coverage, every Friday, it says here. Seems to be a curious lack of mentions for The Fiver …
STILL WANT MORE?
Floating football brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson’s IQ is higher than a kite flying on the top of Mount Everest. So you better listen up when he says the Premier League season is only truly starting now.
Didier Deschamps knows what’s wrong with the yoof of today and he’s been telling Ben Lyttleton for the writer’s new book. You can read an extract here.
An emotional Syrian commentator, Saudi Arabian wonder goals and Nasty Leeds’ Match of the Day debut all feature in this week’s Classic YouTube.
Ipswich Town are making life that little bit easier for away supporters by leading the way on ticket prices, writes Nick Ames.
Pep Guardiola’s splurged £158m on shiny new defenders, but zilch on centre-backs, worries Jamie Jackson.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
