Name: Elle Woods.
Age: Late 30s, by now.
Occupation: Actual soothsayer.
Elle Woods? The woman from Miss Congeniality? No! The woman from Legally Blonde. Listen, when this is over, I’ll take you out and educate you on the ways of the early-00s quasi-empowering chick flick.
Don’t do that. Fine. Anyway, Woods was a bright and irrepressible law student who won over an endless wave of naysayers with her compassion, quick mind and can-do attitude. Remind you of anyone?
I hope you’re not going to say Donald Tru … It’s Donald Trump! He and Woods are basically one and the same. I have proof.
Oh God, is there an unreleased Legally Blonde film in which Woods tweets a stream of angry treason from her toilet at 3am? Unfortunately not. This is about the commencement speech that Trump gave at Liberty University on Saturday.
What about it? In it, Trump said: “As long as you have pride in your beliefs, courage in your convictions and faith in your god, then you will not fail ... Most importantly, you have to do what you love.”
Right. Now, in Legally Blonde, Woods gives a commencement speech, in which she says: “It is with passion, courage of conviction and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world … You must always have faith in people, and most importantly you must always have faith in yourself.”
They’re sort of similar, I guess. Yes, but US comedian Jimmy Fallon took a bunch of Trump’s lines out of order, and spliced them together until it looked as if he was directly ripping off Legally Blonde. It’s quite a funny video.
Not exactly Melania lifting Michelle’s speech, is it? Not really. But the speech was a success, so perhaps Trump will be a bit more explicit about lifting from Woods next time.
Why, what are some of her other Trump-applicable quotes? “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.”
But Trump believes that humans have a limited store of energy, and exercise wastes it. Fine then, what about: “I’m here to speak for those who can’t speak for themselves”?
Clearly not. OK, then what about: “The rules of hair care are simple and finite”? No? I’m at a loss, then. Sorry everyone.
Do say: “I always had Trump down as more of a Cruel Intentions guy.”
Don’t say: “Is a Bend and Snap grounds for impeachment?”
