In entirely random, but nevertheless heartwarming news, two of Tottenham’s most famous faces, Adele and Skepta, are reportedly dating. The pair were recently spotted enjoying an evening out at the Crystal Maze Live Experience in London, where they locked eyes as Skepta alluringly filled small bowls with sand to release a crystal, and Adele roared, “Start the fans, please!” so loudly that the dome shattered into a thousand pieces … well, something like that, anyway.
But is an immersive experience inspired by a 90s TV show really the ideal place for romance? Naturally, I went along – without a date – to find out.
My first impression is that this may have been the hopeless place Rihanna was singing about: the experience is located in perhaps the least amorous part of London, Piccadilly Circus. There may be a statue of Eros in the street, but, on a Tuesday lunchtime at least, it’s 10% buskers, 90% Italian schoolchildren. Inside, though, it seems this could have date potential; no one in my eight-strong group (two of whom, curiously, have never seen the TV show) looks too bad in the trademark red bomber jacket. And, lo and behold, among the team there is a couple on a date: Chris and Eleni, who are celebrating Chris’s birthday.
Getting into the challenges, however, the potential for romance quickly falters. No one looks dignified straddling a massive mechanical rocket while the mazemaster hurls innuendoes at them, not even Chris, who is wearing a black tracksuit and shiny new trainers for the occasion. The puzzle activities offer more time for bonding, although having your date fling abuse at you because you couldn’t decode Blood Diamond from emojis of a syringe and a gemstone would surely be a humiliating experience for anyone.
In fact, a thread of low-level humiliation runs through the whole Crystal Maze Live Experience, not least when you (me) realise you can’t use a crossbow, do not actually know how a crossbow works and end up lobbing the darts across the room by hand, while your team sigh loudly.
This is categorically not a first-date experience, so it makes sense that Adele and Skeppy go way back (in a 2016 interview, he said that Adele texted him “all the time and keeps me in check”) . In fact, anyone suggesting Crystal Maze Live Experience on a dating app – instead of £30 worth of “small plates” at a pub – is probably far too comfortable with life. But, as an activity for people who know each other well and want to know each other even better, why the hell not? Or, as Eleni succinctly puts it: “It was either this or couple’s bungee jumping.”
