Guides for talking to teenagers range from the useless to the psychopathic. “Really listen,” one reads, “control your emotions,” says another, “water daily and place in full sun,” suggests a third.
For boomers, or even the old-at-heart millennials among us, this advice won’t equip you for climbing the mounting fear that talking to younger cousins and nephews at Christmas lunch inspires. Rather than remarking on their height for another year, this guide, written by a recent graduate of the kids’ table, shows you what teenagers actually want you to ask them about.
1. TikTok
Though perhaps it’s the least surprising item in this list, the term “TikTok teens’’ doesn’t come from nothing. As of this year, TikTok is the second-most popular app among teenagers, edging out boomer favourite Facebook. The app is bewildering, so do your research prior and download it yourself! Though known for its dance crazes, teens use the app for a variety of reasons. “There’s serious TikToks, old people TikToks, gay and straight TikTok,” 17-year-old Jay explains. That’s on top of “frog, bread and hair dye TikTok” genres, they say.
It’s probably inevitable that asking to make a TikTok with your nephew at Christmas lunch is a little bit embarrassing, but don’t let that hold you back. “It can be cringey sometimes when older people get in on teen trends, but I think it’d be a great way to connect,” Jay says. “If I went to Christmas and my uncle referenced a TikTok meme or wanted to do the Spacegirl dance, I’d really enjoy that.”
Don’t ask: What’s a TikTok?
Do ask: Want to do the Spacegirl dance with me?
2. The climate crisis
You’re not the only person preparing for Christmas lunch: the teens are too. Australian student climate group School Strike 4 Climate (SS4C) has released its own guide on getting adults involved in climate activism. SS4C organiser Theo Harkin, 18, acknowledges that these can often be awkward conversations. “Often questions are at a pretty surface level so you can have a civil conversation without telling people you’re gay or a climate activist,” he says. “My mum is a climate scientist and some people in my extended family are not really on board with it, so I’ve seen how that can go down.”
But even with the chance of awkwardness, teenagers are keen to have deeper conversations with their families about where the world is going and what can be done about it. “I would like more constructive conversations about [climate change],” Theo says. Even when it doesn’t go well, he says, “sometimes it might be good to have arguments anyway”.
Don’t ask: Is it even worth trying to stop climate change at this point?
Do ask: Why is climate change important to you?
3. Viral YouTubers
While you hunkered down with Netflix in quarantine, teenagers did the same with their Premium YouTube subscriptions. Gone are the days of cat videos, YouTube is now a platform for Zoomers who’ve built followings hundreds of millions strong. Which particular star they’re into will depend on the teen. Your cool cousin in cropped top and cuffed jeans? Name-drop Emma Chamberlain. Nephew or niece with the smokey eye? James Charles. Your edgy gamer cousin would love to talk PewDiePie (though that actually might be one you should avoid). And the prankster in sweats is probably a David Dobrik fan.
Jay is a Bestdressed and Kurtis Conner fan, saying they watch the former’s lifestyle videos to relax and the latter is “really funny” “in an almost stupid way.” Jay loves the communities of fans around these accounts: “It feels cool to be a part of that and be able to support a small content producer!”
Don’t ask: How about that Nyan Cat right? Right?
Do ask: What side were you in the Jana split?
4. Actually, you
(or what you were like when you were young and cool)
This might come as a shock, but behind their sullen pouts and dark eyeliner (OK these days probably “e-girl” blush), teenagers actually care about you. Well, maybe not you now, you’re old and boring, but about you at their age. It’s an easy transition from your safety questions of “What are you doing at school?” or “What are you planning on doing at uni?” to relate things back to you.
Eloise Flynn, 15, says she loves hearing stories about what her family members were like at her age, as long as “it doesn’t veer into one-upmanship” she laughs. “I think those kinds of stories definitely make you feel closer to them,” she says. “It reminds me that one day I’m going to be an old grandparent, out-of-touch with what the grandkids are doing.”
Don’t ask: What grade are you in next year?
Do ask: I loved being in a band at your age. What kind of music are you into now?
Nina Dillon Britton (@nindbdb) is a writer and law student. She was previously an editor of Honi Soit, the University of Sydney’s student newspaper.
