If you’ve been thinking about adoption but have been worried that people who adopt must be heterosexual, married and middle class, then think again. Adoption agencies recognise that successful adoptive parents come from all kinds of backgrounds and sections of society. The one thing they have in common is their commitment and motivation to parent a child who has had a very difficult start in life.
There are just three conditions you have to fulfil to be eligible to adopt a child in the UK, points out Mark Owers, independent adoption adviser to the Department for Education. “You have to be resident in the UK, you have to be over 21 and you shouldn’t have committed a serious [criminal] offence. That’s it. Thereafter, it’s at the discretion of the assessing organisation. And they should give you a rounded assessment based on your capability, capacity and resilience, not on static factors like age.”
Although the majority of children are still adopted by couples, that’s changing. In the year ending March 2018, 400 children were adopted by single adopters and 460 children were adopted by same-sex couples who were either in a civil partnership, married, or neither.
In fact, the characteristics of adopters reflects the very wide range of characteristics of all parents, whether these are health conditions or disability, ethnicity, culture, religion or occupation.
“This country’s adoption service has moved to being outstanding, open and flexible,” says John Simmonds OBE, director of policy, research and development at CoramBAAF, an independent membership organisation for adoption professionals. “Being single doesn’t bar you from adopting. Being LGBT+ doesn’t bar you. You don’t have to be married or in a civil partnership, you don’t have to be middle class. Whatever your background, life experiences, ethnicity, culture or language, the only issue is whether or not you are suitable to be an adopter. Your motivation, commitment, and readiness to become a new parent to a child are the only things that matter.”
Liz, who adopted at 53: ‘Age is not an issue’
When Liz first considered adoption, she was a single woman in her early 40s. Concerned that her single status might affect her chances, she put the idea aside. But 10 years later, she read a magazine article about a woman in her 50s who adopted an older child. “It really spoke to me. I thought: ‘Of course, that’s a good idea’, because your age is not so much of an issue. That inspired me to get back into it. I was healthy, and being in your 50s isn’t that old.”
She was 53 when she adopted an eight-year-old child, who is now 17, and says her age and single status haven’t stood in the way of being a great parent: quite the opposite, in fact. “People probably do discount themselves for their age or for being single. I believe it’s been a plus for us. I know that if I had done it when I was younger, it wouldn’t have been good. When you’re in your 50s, you’ve got a bit of headspace and personal space to give to someone else. You’ve got a bit of perspective.”
Pamela and Cathy: ‘We had to learn about out different parenting styles’
Like Liz, Pamela* and Cathy* don’t have a traditional family set-up. They are a same-sex couple, and Cathy has a disability that means she uses a wheelchair full-time. They have two adopted children. “Apart from one social worker, everyone involved with the adoption process was massively positive and treated us like anybody else,” says Pamela.
“The social workers were beyond fantastic,” says Cathy. “We had a good rapport with them, we carried on contact with them afterwards, and they took a real interest in the children. I’m no different from any other parent. My disability just means that I might do things differently, and when it comes to parenting, I just get on with what needs to be done, like everyone else. I think the understanding of that has got much better.
“We’ve had a few quirky moments, like anyone else,” says Cathy. “We had to learn about our different parenting styles – Pam didn’t have as much experience with kids as me, for example.”
Becoming a parent has a massive impact on your life, says Cathy. “But it’s fantastic. For any couple who want children, come and adopt. It’s wonderful. Everyone in our family loves our kids – and there are so many children out there who need homes.”
If you’re interested in adopting, don’t believe the myths. Contact your local adoption agency, have a chat, go along to a meeting, ask questions and find out for yourself just how rewarding adoption can be for anyone.
*Not their real names
If you are interested in finding out more about adoption, contact First4Adoption on 0300 222 0022 or visit first4adoption.org.uk/youcanadopt
