In summary, New Zealand were outstanding tonight, looking every bit the best team in the world. With Barrett pulling the strings they were strong, fast and ruthless and Australia’s team, loaded with veterans, looked so far off the pace as to need pacemakers.
It seems safe to say Michael Cheika’s selections backfired, though he wasn’t helped by a string of injuries to the outside backs, including the luckless Giteau.
If that hotel room was bugged by the Australians (which isn’t to say it was, in fact it seems ludicrous) it wasn’t worth it.
Thanks for your company and emails tonight. I’m out. Have a good night.
I’ll leave you with Matt Cleary’s match report...
What can you say about that game?
Here’s NZ captain Kieran Read: “We were still finding it tough out there [sounds like a white lie to me] but our performance was outstanding. The boys certainly worked for it.”
The execution let them down in the second half, he says, and they’ll look to improve next week. Improve?! Next week?! Yes, the Wallabies head to Wellington next week before playing at Eden Park in October.
Stephen Moore now: “Hard to know what to say, I feel for all the fans who came here tonight. We prepared well and trained hard and thought we were ready to play well tonight. We’ve got to keep going and get ready for next week over there.
“We need to be positive. As hard as it is, we’ve another game and we need to turn it around for the fans next week.”
Fulltime: Australia 8-42 New Zealand
It’s over, mercifully. Australia have taken one hell of a beating.
80 min + 2: As a bit of argy bargy goes on in the scrum Dan Lucas is back, desperate for a record all the same:
Australia try. Would still be All Blacks' biggest win in Australia @PFConnolly
— Dan Lucas (@DanLucas86) August 20, 2016
80 min + 1: Another penalty to NZ and they could just kick it out and head to the showers. But there are more wings to pull off the fly so they pack a scrum 5m out from Australia’s line.
80 min: Is that another try to New Zealand? We’ve gone to the video ref. After what may have been a NZ knock on, Barrett, in midfield, measured a perfect crossfield kick into the arms of Dagg just inside the right touchline. Despite the attention of Phipps he put the ball down for a try.
No try, but it wasn’t because of a NZ knock-on. We’ve gone way back for a NZ penalty for an Australian player entering a ruck from the side.
Updated
78 min: Barrett finds touch inside Australia’s 22 with a lovely kick. He’s been brilliant tonight.
Replays now of Whitelock cutting Pocock in half with a cracker of a tackle.
Try! Australia 8-42 New Zealand (Phipps 75)
That record margin might not be broken after all. Small mercies. Australia put it through the hands from within the New Zealand 22, short stabby passes that find their way to Phipps on the left wing. He puts his head down low and goes goes goes, burrowing through four tacklers to reach out and score. That’s something.
The conversion attempt from wide out is missed.
74 min: Read goes to the bin after he’s given a yellow card in his attempts to slow down the play, to prevent the Aussies getting a modicum of pleasure out of this game. That’s what it takes to be an All Black. No mercy.
73 min: The Wallabies chip away at the All Blacks’ defensive line like someone trying to break through a prison wall with a tea spoon. But they win a penalty, at least, and find touch a few metres out from the New Zealand line. Can they score a consolation try?
70 min: Just when it seems the All Blacks will score another they turn it over a few metres out from the Aussie line. A temporary reprieve no doubt.
Polota-Nua finds his own man from a lineout. When the All Blacks have won five lineouts on Australia’s throw that’s an achievement worth mentioning.
68 min: My colleague Dan Lucas reminds me that the All Blacks’ biggest ever winning margin over Australia is 37 points. Unless Australia do something soon that record is about to be broken.
Speaking of Australia doing something, they win a lineout! Then Kuridrani spills his lollies as he hit the Black line at pace. Oh my.
Updated
66 min: Reader Clive Dudgeon is taking high dudgeon: “The Wallabies have no game plan, no courage,” he writes. “This must be the worst team result since Ed Jones was cannoned into exile. Even Aussie Dean’s did a better job. Give Checkers the boot.”
65 min: Stat time! Australia leads the missed tackle count 29-8 while New Zealand street Australia in the run metres, 798-324.
I’ve had a big day, I wonder if anyone would notice if I clock off early?
64 min: The Wallabies, standing deep, put it through the hands. Folau, steps inside two defenders off his right foot before being pulled down by Dagg.
It might have led to something had Australia not turned the ball over soon after.
63 min: I really don’t think the Wallabies can come back from here. Moore is off, replaced by Polota-Nua.
Try! Australia 3-42 (Savea 59)
Almost from the restart New Zealand score another! Through the hands the ball flew until Whitelock popped a peach of a pass that led to Barrett finding Savea on the left touchline. He bumped off the cover tackle of Genia to score just inside the corner post. That’s his 40th try in just 44 Tests!
Barrett, showing mercy, misses the conversion from the left touchline.
Try! Australia 3-37 New Zealand (Coles 57)
... and he dives over the score New Zealand’s first try of the second half. Barrett, tired from cutting Australia to shreds, missed the conversion.
Updated
56 min: And the young man’s first touch comes off without a hitch.
Can’t say the same for Kuridrani who then drops a pass cold which Fekitoa picks up before striding away towards the line. Foley does well to pull him down just short but the All Blacks recycle the ball, spin it right and find Dan Coles on the overlap...
54 min: After six phases Australia realise they’ve pushed the envelope and Kefu spills the ball just outside the All Blacks’ 22. And that will end Kefu’s night. He’s been replaced by a debutant with a wonderful name, Allan Alaalatoa.
53 min: As Australia lose another lineout on their own throw (was it the NZ room bugged or the Aussie room, I forget) I can report Slipper is on for Sio, and Mumm is on for Simmons.
52 min: Pocock steals the ball inside the Australia half and Genia box kicks it down field with nobody home. But NZ recover. Of course they do.
49 min: Another scrum to Australia, this one 10 m inside NZ territory but Sio turns it over and Cruden is on the tear down field! He kicks it in behind for Savea who is ahead in the race for the ball but it just bounces over the dead ball line before he can touch it down for a try.
47 min: Kieran Read charges towards the line but he knocks the ball foward, helped in the knocking on by a reefing arm from Foley. Scrum to Australia 10m out, Genia with a shaved head, and the ball in hand.
A few Wallabies have shaved their heads for this one. If you haven’t heard it’s to show solidarity to ex-Wallaby and Brumbies captain Christian Lealiifano who was recently diagnosed with leukemia.
44 min: Another Foley kick is clipped by the defence! And it leads to the All Blacks pouring into the Wallabies’ 22 like malicious molasses.
Surely that was a forward pass by Dan Coles but it’s not pulled up and a moment later Cruden grubbers —and Dagg cleans up the dregs. Haylett-Petty, who fumbled that kick, does just enough to keep out Dagg who is held up over the line!
42 min: The Wallabies force a turn over (good!) then moments later turn it over themselves (bad!). The All Blacks enjoyed 61% possession in that half and so far in the second nothing has changed. Well maybe a percentage or three. Haven’t seen the stats but it feels like 64%.
Naholo is off, by the way, replaced by Julian Savea. Horne is off too. That’s three outside backs down and out in one half of football!
Peeeep!
41 min: The All Blacks kick deep to begin quite possibly the longest 40 minutes in Wallabies history.
Between the rugby, cricket and Olympics, Australian sport has experienced better times than this...
Here we go for the second half!
“Dan who?” asks reader Ashley Harrison, no doubt in reference to Beauden Barrett’s masterclass.
Meantime...
Well the cops can scrub the Aussies off the suspect list. #AUSvNZL https://t.co/dnLRrKy2ct
— Mark (@_MarkByrne) August 20, 2016
Halftime: Australia 3-32 New Zealand
Australia called on the veterans tonight and boy has it showed. Genia, for instance, has played the All Blacks 17 times for 15 losses. That experience is helpful?
Anyway, as the Aussies contemplate slipping out the back door I’ll make a cuppa. Here’s something rather amazing..
Conversion! Australia 3-32 New Zealand (Barrett 40)
As Naholo is treated after injuring himself in the scoring of that try, Barrett adds two more and that’s a handy 30-point lead for the Kiwis.
Try! Australia 3-30 (New Zealand Noholo 39)
Geez, Louise, another one! The All Blacks force a turnover on the half and Smith leads a lightning quick counter! He slips it to Barrett who wriggles his hips left and right and meanders through a huge gap before finding Naholo looming up on his inside. Naholo explodes out of the blocks like Justin Gatlin, and as there’s no Usain Bolt about he’ll streak away for a try!
Updated
38 min: Genia is stranded with the ball inside his own 22 but just manages to slip through the All Blacks line and give his teammates time to join him. As they do Rob Horne is calling for the trainers, holding his left arm.
36 min: Scrum on the halfway line. Wonder if anyone in the stadium has left to beat the traffic.
#Australians right now watching the @qantaswallabies versus the @AllBlacks #AUSvNZL pic.twitter.com/WgkHp950rp
— Matthew Howard (@MatthewamHoward) August 20, 2016
35 min: Barrett misses to the right! A turning point, ladies and gents, that could prove costly. Or not. Probably not. Certainly not.
Try! Australia 3-25 New Zealand (Kaino 32)
What was I saying about Australia looking slow? From a scrum in their own half the ball was fed to Foley whose attempted kick downfield was charged down by Kaino, rushing at Foley like an angry Pamplona bull. Kaino had time to wait for a nice bounce before striding the final few metres to the line.
30 min: Genia, cleaning up at the back, is hit high by Dagg. Toomua, meantime, on for Giteau, is prostrate, having worn an accidental shoulder from Barrett. He’s heading off for a concussion test. If he’s smart he’ll say he sees three fingers when there are only two before him.
The trusty Phil Withall write in to suggest the Wallabies’ concentration could have been better: “Maybe, just maybe, instead of attempting to recreate Watergate the Australians would have been better off focusing on their own game. This could end up worse than anything Kitty Chiller could create.”
Updated
Conversion! Australia 3-20 New Zealand (Barrett 28)
Barrett adds the extras and this is getting embarrassing already, with no sign that it’s going to let up.
Try! Australia 3-18 New Zealand (Barrett 27)
Wow! From that lineout steal the Blacks spread it left through so many hands until it ended up with Naholo on the left touchline. The ball was then spread all the way to the right until, finally, Barrett had room to slip through a yawning gap to stroll over.
Updated
26 min: And New Zealand win a second lineout on Moore’s throw and proceed to pour down field... DANGER! DANGER!
24 min: Some joy for the Wallabies, the Kiwis offside on the half. Foley finds touch inside the All Blacks’ 22. Could be the first time they’ve been down there all game.
Moore takes the throw in and... it’s won by New Zealand! The Kiwis won all 14 lineouts in the World Cup final and turned over three of the Wallabies’ seven throws. The trend continues.
Penalty! Australia 3-13 New Zealand (Barrett 23)
Barrett makes no mistake. This game is starting to get away from Australia who don’t look fast or composed enough at this point.
22 min: The Wallabies aren’t reprieved for long, however, giving away another kickable penalty when they’re too handsy in the ruck. Barrett lines it up from five metres inside the left touchline...
21 min: No they haven’t!
Folau’s kick from inside his own 22 was charged down by Retallick and the ball flew into the arms of Aaron Smith. He then spun the ball left and it went through the hands rather smartly until it found its way back into the meaty mitts of Retallick who crashed over.
But Smith was marginally in front of Retallick after he charged down Folau’s kick. The Wallabies’ kicking has not been postcard perfect so far.
20 min: New Zealand look to have scored a freakish try...
18 min: Finally some ball for the Wallabies but not deep enough into NZ territory. Foley kicks to Naholo, about the last person you’d want to kick to.
Lloyd Godman says hello and cheers: “Thanks very much for the commentary, Paul, it is the only follow I can find on Siargao Island Philippines.”
Penalty! Australia 3-10 New Zealand (Barrett 16)
Seven plus three equals 10, so it does.
Updated
15 min: Retallick is held up over the Australia line after another lovely raid down the left flank, Crotty going close himself. And we’re going back for an offside and Barrett will take the opportunity for an easy three...
12 min: Barrett can’t get it to curl in and over, so the score remains 7-3.
And here’s another penalty to New Zealand, this one inside their own half after Hooper, I think it was, was pinged for leaving his feet.
10 min: The All Blacks are exerting control now, working through nine phases before being awarded a penalty near halfway, just inside the touchline.
Giteau is really hobbling. Oh dear, it appears his taped ankle took a second knock. And as Barrett lines up a long range penalty attempt the luckless Giteau goes off.
9 min: Giteau is being treated, a strapper taping his left ankle without removing his boot. Giteau tries to “run it out” which footballers do for anything from a hang nail to a shattered femur, but he appears to be struggling.
Conversion! Australia 3-7 New Zealand (Barrett 7)
All Blacks No.1o Barrett knocks it over with ease.
Updated
Try! Australia 3-5 New Zealand (Crotty 6)
Out of nowhere the All Blacks score! Well, not nowhere exactly. Midfield. It was a right-to-left shift through the hands — Naholo to Fekitoa to Read to Crotty who palmed off Pocock just inside the touchline and beat two cover defenders to score! Lovely try!
Updated
5 min: Foley finds touch on the Australia 22.
Another helpful reader answers an earlier question of mine: “Just saw your comment about the All Blacks bugging scandal,” says Fraser Miller. “You made the comment about ‘Is it normal procedure to scan for bugs?’
“Unfortunately, yes it is normal – and has been normal for about 10 years. Up until now the All Blacks haven’t had the resources to effectively scan the rooms, but have been suspicious many times (especially during last years’ world cup) that the rooms were bugged. Now that they’ve got specialist equipment it’s been confirmed.”
Penalty! Australia 3-0 New Zealand (Foley 4)
And he lands it to give Australia a wee boost!
Updated
3 min: Early, kickable penalty to Australia after the Blacks were offside as Australia looked to clear the ball from a ruck. Foley lines it up, and even with his recent success rate of 63% against England it’s a gimme...
2 min: As the Wallabies win a penalty at the scrum, keen-eyed reader Ian Johnson chips in with some writing advice... since I asked:
“I lived in Sydney for a couple of years, and I don’t recall anyone empathising with me about anything. I recall plenty of emphasis on my fondness for Melbourne (which perhaps contributed to the lack of empathy in Sydney).
Anyway - to the task at hand - I’d suggest this:
Could it be that the journey up Parramatta Rd traumatises them? Something with which so many Sydneysiders could empathise.
Sounds good, Ian. Next time!
Peeeeep!
1 min: We’re off an racing, the Wallabies’ Bernard Foley getting us underway, his drop start caught by NZ captain Kieran Read.
And an early knock on by Cane gives the Wallabies possession just inside their own half.
You know what time it is?
Why it’s Haka time! New Zealand adopt the wedge shape with Aaron Smith, in the middle, conducting a very pleasing variation of the thigh-slapping ditty. Tremendous stuff.
Here we go...
The players are out on the field... Aussies in gold, All-Blacks in... can you guess?
Ahead of the anthems, Gadigal elder Uncle Chicka Madden delivers the ‘welcome to country’ address.
And here are the anthems. Hands on hearts everyone. Or at least take them out of your pockets. Should you stand? I don’t mind. Up to you.
If you’re into Twitter, and I won’t pretend I am, you may be interested to know who made a combined Wallabies-All Blacks team based on mentions of the players’ handles:
With the 1st match of #BledisloeCup kicking off tomorrow, here's a combined @qantaswallabies @AllBlacks Twitter XV pic.twitter.com/fPkbAO2NzR
— Twitter Australia (@TwitterAU) August 19, 2016
About the only way Australians would outnumber the All Blacks in a combined team.
How about the story that a bug, of the listening-device variety, was discovered in the All-Blacks’ hotel team room? More remarkable than the bug being found, for me, is that a NZ staff member asked security to sweep the place for bugs in the first place. Is this normal practice? What would anyone hope to overhear? What do international rugby players talk about anyway? Xbox games? Cars? Women? James Joyce?
That said, there’s surely a good chance the bug was left over from attempts to record a previous occupant of the room.
I wish I was interesting enough for someone to want to bug me.
Updated
If I’ve painted a grim picture for Wallabies fans perhaps there’s cheer to be had in the fact the home side have a decent record against New Zealand at Homebush. Since 2001, the Wallabies have won seven of 15 encounters, with one being a 12-all draw in 2014. That’s about as good as it gets against the All Blacks.
Could it be that the journey up Parramatta Rd traumatises them, something with which so many Sydneysiders could emphasise.
Where does one put a question mark in that last sentence? After the “them”? After “emphasise”? Not at all?
Riting is ruly hard sumtims.
Beaudan? Wyatt? Codie? What’s going on, New Zealand? Whatever happened to good old fashioned names like Murray?
So, those teams...
Here's your @Qantas #Wallabies team to face New Zealand at 8pm AEST. #AUSvNZL #StrongerAsOne pic.twitter.com/nFIm4yJMBE
— Qantas Wallabies (@qantaswallabies) August 20, 2016
Here is your #AllBlacks 23 to take on #AUS in game one of the #BledisloeCup tonight.#AUSvNZL pic.twitter.com/pJjGddP5CF
— All Blacks (@AllBlacks) August 19, 2016
The Kiwis, by contrast, are still acclimatising to the post-(Richie) McCaw, post-(Dan) Carter, post (Ma’a) Nonu era, and, as a mark of respect tonight, the team will be wearing an all-black strip.
Given the loss of all that experience you could argue the All Blacks are in a rebuilding phase and are there for the taking. You’d have to be a fool to believe that. Coach Steve Hansen may believe his team has been “weakened” by the loss of all that talent but the All Blacks have long had an assembly line of meta-humans ready to fill any breach. It hardly seems fair.
Tonight, Beauden Barrett has been selected at fly half ahead of Aaron Cruden, a reward for his stellar form with the Super Rugby-winning Hurricanes. Sam Cane has overcome concussion to take his place and prop Kane Hames will make his debut.
Speaking of Stephen Larkham, tonight’s team news is brought to you by Marty McFly, Doctor Emmett Brown, and the team behind the smash hit, Back to the Future!
As you’ll see, Australia coach Michael Cheika has delved into the past to recall 315 Tests-worth of experience, including 13 starters from the 2015 World Cup final. Will Genia returns to partner Bernard Foley in the halves despite a seven-month injury lay-off, while fellow France-based veterans Matt Giteau, Adam Ashley-Cooper and Drew Mitchell also put down the brie and breadsticks to make their return to the gold jumper.
In the forwards, Cheika has opted to start Ben McCalman at blindside flanker over incumbent Scott Fardy. Kane Douglas returns to the second row alongside Rob Simmons for his first Test start since rupturing his ACL in the World Cup final. David Pocock is back at number eight after missing the final two Tests against England through injury.
Will Cheika’s retro move to play the veterans pay off? Wallaby great Mark Ella this week answered the question with a sharp-tipped rhetorical question of his own: “If they could not beat the All Blacks at the peak of their careers, how will they do it now?”
Preamble
Evening all.
Having had my head turned by the Rio Olympics these past couple of weeks tonight’s Test match between the Wallabies and All Blacks has snuck up on me as if wearing thick, fluffy hiking socks.
Presumably, however, the Wallabies and All Blacks haven’t been caught off guard by the happenings in Rio. Indeed, while we’ve been watching the likes of Bolt, Phelps, Ledecky and Biles, not to mention the Rugby 7s, they’ve been diligently preparing for this game which will be played at Sydney’s Olympic Stadium.
Last year’s Bledisloe Cup series was a two-match affair due to the World Cup. Tonight’s match will open a three-match Bledisloe Cup series, with the final two games to be played in New Zealand, the place Australian rugby teams, and vowels, go to die.
Winning one Test in New Zealand is a hard ask, winning two on the trot (when the second of them is at Eden Park) seems all but impossible. So, as such, if Australia have any hope of reclaiming the Bledisloe Cup —which they haven’t had their hands on since 2002, a time when the snake-hipped Stephen Larkham slipped through defensive lines as if by magic— they will surely need to make the most of their home ground advantage tonight. Just like they did in June against England.
Oh, yes, right, I’d suppressed that! God, it’s all coming back to me now. The horror! Whitewashed by England… and the thought that, as we watched a triumphant and quite ruthless England climb the dais, it was only going to get worse. New Zealand, who back then were busy dispatching Wales 3-zip, were waiting in the wings like jackals.
And here we are, and here they are; the All Blacks, conquerors of worlds, conquistadors of grassy rectangles, conjugators of verbs, surely the most dominant team in world sport.
What hope the Wallabies? Why don’t you let me know?
(paul.connolly.casual@guardian.co.uk)
KICK-OFF: 8.05pm
Paul will be here shortly to take you through proceedings tonight, with some added intrigue having been added in the buildup to kick-off following revelations earlier on Saturday that the All Blacks’ team hotel in Sydney had been bugged. Full story here:
