TICK AND INDEED TOCK
With the Premier League’s transfer window set to shut early this year, The Fiver recently sat down for a chat with Jim White to hear how the Sky Sports News presenter has had to alter his pre-season plans. “9 August!” White bellowed. “I don’t know if you were aware that Deadline Day used to happen at the end of August. Or sometimes at the start of September; it depended on the calendar. But you have to move with the times and my motto is WE’RE HEARING THAT CARDIFF HAVE MADE A £6M BID FOR SOUTHAMPTON’S FRASER FOSTER! See, made you jump. You didn’t see that coming, did you?”
No, a ruffled Fiver admitted, it did not see that coming. “That’s just a little taster for you,” White continued. “I’ve had to start preparing earlier than usual this year, but I’ve had my special yellow tie on since the start of June, an intern’s been whispering things in my ear like ‘WE’RE HEARING THAT WATFORD HAVE MADE AN OFFER FOR LEGANES MIDFIELDER NABIL EL ZHAR’ and ‘NEWCASTLE ARE EXPLORING A LOAN DEAL FOR RYAN BABEL, BUT THE DUTCH ACE’S WAGES MIGHT BE TOO HIGH’ and ‘IT’S APPROACHING MIDNIGHT AND OUR UNDERSTANDING IS THAT JOSÉ MOURINHO HAS LOCKED ED WOODWARD IN A CUPBOARD AT MANCHESTER UNITED’S TRAINING GROUND’. I’m ready, I’m raring to go. The clock’s ticking! Bring it on.”
It was an interesting seven hours in White’s company and it got The Fiver thinking about how clubs are reacting to the deadline moving forward this summer. Some of them, like Liverpool, have adjusted pretty well. Arsenal, Brighton, Fulham and West Ham also appear to have done some smart business, while Manchester City have strengthened with Riyad Mahrez. But then we got round to Tottenham Hotspur. True to form, they haven’t made any signings yet, which is probably because Daniel Levy remembers that waiting longer than all the other suckers means they’ll be able to nab someone like Moussa Sissoko for a cool £30m. “I don’t know if we are going to sign or not,” Mauricio Pochettino said. “We’re working on that. I cannot tell you if we’re going to sign one, zero or two or three or four.”
Pochettino could be forgiven for feeling a little let down. After all, a knack crisis means Tottenham are down to Steffen Freund and Tactics Tim in central midfield. But deals could start happening if Toby Alderweireld, Mousa Dembélé and Danny Rose leave and their manager has maintained a dignified tone, even though he urged Tottenham to be “brave and take risks” at the end of last season. Instead of aiming heat at his bosses, Pochettino grumbled about next week’s deadline. “It’s clear that today I don’t know if the rest of the teams are happy with that decision,” he explained, which actually doesn’t sound very clear at all. The Fiver got more sense out of our old pal Jim.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Part of the resignation is that Andreas has confirmed that he will fully participate in the review and we will look to the findings of the review to determine the outcomes around this matter” – New Zealand Football president Deryck Shaw on women’s national team coach Andreas Heraf, who has resigned. Thirteen players signed a letter declaring they would not play under Heraf, who they accused of bullying and creating a culture of fear. Heraf accused the Football Ferns of “a conspiracy”.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
It’s our shiny transfer window interactive.
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“Your reader will no doubt be aware of an exclusive club, one whose members gain admittance by visiting all 92 league grounds. Via Social Media Disgrace Twitter, I recently connected with Colin, a long-lost football-loving school pal from nigh on 50 years ago in Yorkshire. Turns out that he and a friend are now ‘living the dream’ as middle-aged men travelling around the country, drinking beer and watching football. Their gem of a website complete with a comprehensive archive regaling their tales and Tin tips is right here … proof indeed that The Fiver doesn’t have it all its own way when it comes to quality football journalism. Sort of” – Allastair McGillivray.
“Please can I add my voice to the campaign to ban homogenous away strips (yesterday’s Fiver letters). Not from an away fan ‘oh look, we are playing in blue’ perspective, but from a home fan ‘Oh hell, which team in fluorescent are we playing this week – Reading? Firewall FC? Sunderland?’ (Sorry delete the last one – always apparent by their awfulness.) But the point stands” – Mick Mellors.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Allastair McGillivray.
BITS AND BOBS
In a welcome return to the sort of transfers that made us fall in love with Serie A in the 90s, Gonzalo Higuaín and Leonardo Bonucci have swapped clubs, the striker joining Milan on loan while the defender returns to Juventus. More of this, please.
Like a single slice of cake inexplicably left on the table, Crystal Palace might be wondering why Max Meyer is still available on a free transfer, given his reputation as one of German football’s hot young bucks. Still, they’re going to sign him on a free anyway, it says here.
José Mourinho is now confident of making one new signing for Manchester United before the window closes next Thursday.
In what may be unrelated news, Claude Puel reckons Harry Maguire will still be at Leicester come the season’s start, despite United sniffing around, because … well, just because. “I am confident about the presence of Harry for this season,” he parped.
Speaking of meaty young centre-backs who would look at home on a farm, Alfie Mawson is set to sign for Fulham, who are fixing up very smartly for their big Premier League return.
Real Madrid coach Julen Lopetegui reckons Gareth Bale could step into His size 10s. “Gareth Bale is a magnificent player, with so many qualities,” Lopetegui roared. “He can help fill the void.”
Meanwhile, Spanish FA suits claim Newcastle United offered them the chance to have Rafa Benítez as their coach for the Ethics World Cup after Lopetegui’s sacking. “A letter arrived from Newcastle saying: ‘Are you interested in our coach? He’s at your disposition.’ We said thanks but no,” sniffed Luis Rubiales.
STILL WANT MORE?
Get ready for the BIG KICK-OFF with Jacob Steinberg on Brighton and Paul Wilson on Burnley’s shot at the quadruple.
If you are interested in the lower end of the pyramid, there’s our League One preview with Ben Fisher.
Suzanne Wrack spoke Mary Earps about moving from the glamour of Reading to Wolfsburg.
Don’t blame Salford City for spending, writes James Kelly, who urges you to shift your ire elsewhere.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
