There are less than three weeks left in All-Star voting and you can help make the 2015 All-Star Game the most absurd edition in the history of the game.
The most recent voting update provided by Major League Baseball revealed that seven Royals are currently on track to start in the All-Star Game: Eric Hosmer, Mike Moustakas, Alex Gordon, Alcides Escobar, Lorenzo Cain, Kendrys Morales and Salvador Perez. (Omar Infante and Alex Rios are the only Royals players on the ballot not among the leaders, which makes you wonder what sins against barbecue they committed to deserve the wrath of the Kansas City faithful.)
So in addition to the usual idiocy of a single exhibition game deciding home field advantage for the World Series, this year we could have a single exhibition game between a single team, the Kansas City Royals, and the National League All-Stars deciding home field advantage in the World Series. Outstanding work, baseball. But you can do better. You can make your Midsummer Classic a bigger joke than it is already. If everyone bands together, we can put the least deserving players at every position on both teams.
The following players are listed on the official All-Star ballot, found here. They are the worst, least deserving players you can vote to put on the 2015 All-Star Game rosters. Give all of these men a vote. Let Major League Baseball know you think the modern All-Star Game deserves them.
American League
C - Rene Rivera, Rays - Rivera has it all: a bad average (.156), no power (2 HR in 160 at-bats) and no speed. He’s in the negatives in both WAR and dWAR. He’s the rare 0-tool player. That makes him the perfect player for a protest All-Star vote.
1B - James Loney, Rays - Loney is a rather abysmal .275/.322/.376 at first base. That’s a position that is supposed to provide offense – except, oddly enough, one that never does on teams that employ James Loney.
2B - Rougned Odor, Rangers - Odor got demoted to Triple-A in early May after starting the season hitting .144. Fun Fact: Bartolo Colon is hitting .154. If only there was a joke to make about Odor stinking at the plate.
3B - Lonnie Chisenhall, Indians - Chisenhall was sent down to Triple-A last week thanks to his .209 average and lack of power. He’s been hitting well since returning to the minors, but hopefully he could put up an 0-for in the All-Star Game for old time’s sake.
SS - Jose Ramirez, Indians - Our second Cleveland player, Ramirez (.180/.247/.240) was demoted along with Chisenhall to the minors last week. The Triple-A Columbus Clippers are like the Kansas City Royals of the non-Stars.
OF - Coco Crisp, A’s; Sam Fuld, A’s; Michael Saunders, Blue Jays - A .173 average, zero home runs and 8 RBI. That’s the 2015 numbers for all of these guys. Combined. Oh, Oakland. At least you have the Warriors.
DH - Nick Swisher, Indians - The Indians placed Swisher on the disabled list this weekend. That’s very misleading. Swisher has a .198 average this year and two home runs in 101 at-bats. He has never been abled.
National League
C - Devin Mesoraco, Reds - Not only is Mesoraco hitting .178 on the season with no home runs, he has a hip injury that makes it impossible for him to play catcher. Cincinnati have been rehabbing him in the outfield, but Mesoraco could probably gut his way through the All-Star Game behind the plate if he gets the vote.
1B - Michael Morse, Marlins - Morse has a .211 average, .268 OBP, only two home runs and he’s averaging a strikeout every 3.2 at-bats. Less is definitely Morse.
2B - Tommy La Stella, Cubs - A career .249 hitter with one home run, La Stella has just one hit this season and hasn’t played in a game since 8 April due to an oblique injury. He’s just the kind of player who should be deciding home field in the World Series.
3B - Cody Asche, Phillies - Asche got demoted to the minors in early May after opening up the season with a .283 OBP and just two home runs. He was called back up two weeks ago and somehow has been significantly worse than before.
SS - Alexi Amarista, Padres - Thanks to a four-game hitting streak, the 152-pound Amarista has pushed his batting average above the Mendoza Line - and 62 points above his weight. The Red Sox wish David Ortiz could do that.
OF - Domonic Brown, Phillies; Jon Jay, Cardinals; Eric Young, Jr, Braves - Brown started the season on the DL, returned to the Phillies on Sunday and went 0-for-4. It probably won’t get much better from there. Young has an almost impressive minus-0.6 WAR in just 35 games before being demoted. And Jay is still somehow getting regular at-bats for the best team in baseball despite a .592 OPS. Combined, Brown, Young and Jay have a .200 average with one home run and 14 RBI. Those are gaudy numbers compared to the AL outfield trio, but it’s the best/worst we can do.
There are your votes. Vote early. Vote often. Vote awful.
Quote of the Week
I watched the last episode of Game Of Thrones today and I was really drained. It was very up and down. I was very worried it wasn’t going to turn out well for Daenerys Targaryen. My wife and I are big fans of her. Part of my routine [before a start] is to spend time with the wife and the dogs. Usually it relaxes me, but today it was like: ‘Oh, man.’
CJ Wilson, Angels pitcher, after throwing seven shutout inning in a 1-0 win over the A’s on Saturday.
Wilson had been knocked around in his previous two starts, giving up 11 runs in 13 innings, before his dominant start against Oakland. Maybe he needs to change up his pre-start routine and always watch stuff that has scary endings. Like more Game of Thrones episodes. Or video of last year’s Angels season.
Stat of the Week
16 – Max Scherzer set a Nationals team record with 16 strikeouts in a 4-0 win over the Brewers. Scherzer also flirted with the saucy minx that is a no-hitter, surrendering just a broken-bat, bloop single in the seventh inning to Carlos Gomez. The Brewers outfielder said after the game that he “got lucky”. How disappointing. If there was ever going to be a player who posed and flipped a (broken) bat after breaking up a no-hitter on a bloop single, it would be Carlos Gomez. Looks like that’s one baseball feat we will never see.
This Week’s Horrible Fantasy Team That Crushed Your Team
Chris Coghlan, OF, Cubs - 9-for-21, HR, 5 RBI
Brayan Pena, C, Reds - 8-for-21, 3 RBI
Clint Barmes, SS, Padres - 6-for-16, HR, 2 RBI
J.T. Realmuto, C, Marlins - 7-for-19, HR, 3 RBI
Kendall Graveman, P, A’s - 15 innings, 13 strikeouts, 1.20 ERA
Jose Urena, P, Marlins - 12.2 innings, 1 win, 1.42 ERA
Reader Twitter Question of the Week
@DJGalloEtc which team are you most surprised with their current play?
— Sir Jerkington™ (@Mo_Rease) June 14, 2015
Thanks for the question, Sir Jerkington.
I previewed the AL West back in March for this very site. At the end of the column, I predicted the end-of-season standings: Mariners, 88-74; Angels, 87-75; A’s, 83-79; Astros, 74-88; Rangers, 72-90. Based on the current standings, every one of those preseason predictions will be drastically off, save the Angels. So my biggest surprise is the AL West. And what I’m not in the least bit surprised about is me being wrong. That’s quite expected.
Phillies-ness of the Week
The Phillies have lost six in a row and are starting to run away with the bottom of baseball’s standings. If only the depressing news ended there. On the final day of the draft last Wednesday, the Phillies selected University of Tampa outfielder Andrew Amaro, nephew of team GM Ruben Amaro, Jr. So not only does Andrew have carry the stain of being related to baseball’s most incompetent executive, his baseball career is also doomed because Uncle Ruben thinks he has talent. There’s no getting past that kiss of death.
Cubs World Series Odds: Slightly Declining
With a .550 winning percentage, the Cubs are on pace to finish with their best record since 2008. They’re also on pace to finish third in their division, because the Cardinals never lose and the Pirates now only do once or twice a week. It’s exactly the Cubs’ luck to have their best season in years, only to be stuck in a five-team division with two of baseball’s best teams. The only surprising thing is that the Reds and Brewers aren’t also eight or 10 or 20 games over .500 so the Cubs can win 90 games and finish dead-last.
A-Rod-ness of the Week
A-Rod is now at 2,995 hits, putting him on pace to join the 3,000 hits club during the upcoming Yankees homestand from 17-24 June. His current pace of almost one hit per game would see him do it on Friday. That’s ideal for the Yankees, because they could announce A-Rod’s milestone in classic late-Friday-news-dump style.
10 Thinks I Think He Thinks She Think I Think
1) If you need more motivation to vote the Royals out of the All-Star Game, watch this horrific video by a Royals fan gloating about the team:
The ear sewage is a parody of All Star by Smashmouth, which is both the band’s name and a term for what you should do to anyone who sings their music.
2) Another week in the 2015 season, another influx of big-time talent from the minor leagues in Byron Buxton and Francisco Lindor. I’m starting to think we were sold a bad product in April. All the good talent was in the minors. I mean, I watched a Red Sox-Phillies game on Opening Day, while guys like Buxton and Lindor and Joey Gallo and Kris Bryant were toiling way in small towns, nowhere to be found on television. I demand that Rob Manfred reimburse me a full month of the Extra Innings package.
3) It’s a shame that Torii Hunter missed Buxton’s debut due to his suspension. The 39 year-old veteran could really mentor the youngster on how to act like a petulant child.
4) For the first time in his four-year MLB career, Bryce Harper on Wednesday faced a pitcher younger than him: 22 year-old Yankees reliever Jacob Lindgren. It’s amazing to think that Harper has essentially been playing up an age group his whole career, like a 12 year-old phenom playing in a Under-16 league. Since pro sports don’t have an age ceiling, I guess they’re all technically Under-Death leagues.
5) I have written a bit so far this season on ways baseball can draw in casual sports fans, but I never even considered this:
“It’s a little embarrassing,” the managing editor of the East Oregonian tells @romenesko http://t.co/6OnP1qU4zv pic.twitter.com/KA5vKyWSrm
— Sudeep Reddy (@Reddy) June 9, 2015
An amphibious pitcher? Imagine the ratings for baseball if the sport featured a big-name amphibian like Kermit the Frog. You know, that tea-sipping frog from the memes? Yeah. He’s super popular with the kids.
6) The infamous “Marlins Man” has been popping up at NBA finals games.
Marlins Man living the life pic.twitter.com/zTvcFJXhko
— warriorsworld (@warriorsworld) June 12, 2015
But things are about to get very sad for him. With the NBA and NHL seasons coming to a close this week, all he’ll have left is ... gasp ... the Marlins. Poor Marlins Man. He may want to look into some MLS tickets.
7) Since David Ortiz’s rant last week that he’s not “washed up,” he’s hit .300 and has 3 HR and 8 RBI. So we should probably put Ortiz in the “not washed up” category. His team, however, went 1-6 over the same span. Someone should probably ask the Red Sox if they’re washed up. Or, if you prefer a last place Boston team, as most do, don’t ask them that question. Just let them keep doing what they’re doing.
8) There were some who felt the Cardinals would struggle when they lost Adam Wainwright for the season. That hasn’t quite happened. St. Louis’ bullpen has an 0.33 ERA so far in June. That’s absurd. The Cardinals shouldn’t be worried about losing starting pitchers. Because they shouldn’t have them. St. Louis should just start their bullpen and win 130 games.
9) In the next seven days, Tim Hudson and Tim Lincecum have two starts each for San Francisco – in case you’re in Vegas and are betting on which Giants pitcher will throw a no-hitter this week. Glad I could help.
10) Tickets for Game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals in Chicago are going for a minimum of $2,000. For standing room only, it’s $1,000. And this is for the opportunity to see what would be the Blackhawks’ third title in six years. Now imagine the cost of tickets to a World Series-clinching game at Wrigley Field. Keep imagining. No, add more zeroes. Keep adding them. Yep. Keep going. By the time you see next week’s edition of this column, you’ll have hit the right amount of zeroes. See you then.
