Naturally Lost in Showbiz thought today's newspaper phrase of the day would have to come from Stuart Rose's frankly Shakespearean defense of Marks & Spencers in The Guardian which includes the quasi haiku "Sorry Laura. Wrong log."
But we must admit that better was to come from the Sun's exposee of Ashley Cole's dalliance with Aimee Walton, the "blond 22 year old hairdresser" (aren't they all?), not least for the deathless front page sentence "interrupted their sex romp to be sick on the floor." It's like Tristan and Isolde, innit?
But Lost in Showbiz's unique insights can reveal yet more that we can learn from this mysterious Aimee...
But before we get into all that, let us have a moment of sympathy for Ashley's wife, Girls Aloud Cheryl, now forever emblazoned with the branding tattoo "Mrs Cole" down the back of her neck, identifying her as the willing life partner of a man who, according to our Aimee, "vomited in a girl's car - then told her she should feel privileged" (don't worry, folks, he did later "go to the toilet to get some tissue to wipe sick off his arm" so Aimee was all right - well, until he then vommed over the side of the bed, mid action.)
And then we get to Aimee. Moving on from the temptation to bellow, "And what 'hairdresser' has roots like that?!" LiS' eyes are inextricably drawn to her top. Good God, it's the very top emailed to LiS this week from House of Fraser, excitedly proclaiming it as their garment of the week (or as the subject line endearingly put it, "Hot at HoF!") because it has a star print. Star prints are good, you see, because Kate Moss wore such a print on her Chanel jumpsuit at her birthday last week - ergo, star prints are good. And so here we see a classic and possibly the swiftest example of the trajectory of modern day fashion trends: from Kate Moss in a Chanel jumpsuit to a 22 year old hairdresser posing in the Sun describing how a footballer handily keeps mouthwash on him at all time so that his habit of being sick with Tourette-like frequency does not impede his sexual prowess. Diana Vreeland, you would be proud.
Ooh, and a final thought re Stuart Rose's plaint. It is striking, is it not, that while he examines the points made by LiS' friend Laura Barton in her article earlier this week, including that M & S is the "leading purveyor of parsnip-shaped trousers" ("we're proud that we can cater to the needs of customers of all shapes," whistles Rose), he does not deny Laura's quite right observation that the stores smell of glue. So there you have it: M & S' chief executive admits his overpriced shops smell of glue. It's official.
