I watched the Coldplay ‘kiss cam’ video with total horror. Yes, sure, the CEO arguably shouldn’t have been doing what it looked like he was doing – but none of us really know the whole story about what was going on. It could have been completely innocent. Or, he might be having an affair because of completely untenable circumstances at home. We just don’t know.
Either way, I don’t think putting things in the public sphere like this helps – and we shouldn’t be allowed to wreck other people’s lives when we are only responsible for our own.
Why do I care so much? Well, I’ll admit that I’m having an affair. So, seeing someone else getting caught out like this gave me a feeling I can’t even describe: I immediately went cold and felt sick, imagining the same thing happening to me.
What if some influencer caught me on one of their reels in the background of a shot, having dinner with my girlfriend? Would it really be anyone’s right to expose what I’m doing, because of some misplaced idea of moral virtue?
Why are people so judgemental about other people’s lives? They need to focus on their own and leave everyone else to their own business.
Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
I’m fascinated by the fact that you’ve taken the time to write to me about this.
It implies that rather than being completely and defiantly ‘cool’ with what you’re up to, you’re actually seeking reassurance – from me, from the world – that it’s ‘not that bad’; that you’re justified in doing it. Why is that, do you think? Are you sure you are completely comfortable with what you are doing?
Now, I can’t comment on your individual circumstances because you haven’t given me enough detail, but I can comment on what we’ve all seen play out this past week – the CEO caught on camera apparently getting cozy with a co-worker has resigned. Separately, it has since been reported he is (or was?) married and appears to have kids, which gives extra raised eyebrows to the way he reacted when the pair realised they’d been caught on screen.
What I would ask you to consider is this: no matter whose business it is – or how inadvertently intrusive the Coldplay robotron may have been (and let’s not forget, anyone in the crowd was fair game) – who are you seeking to blame here, exactly?
Is it the band for having a ‘kiss cam’; Chris Martin for quipping: “Oh, what... either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy”; the public for ensuring the awkward footage went viral – or the CEO, Andy Byron, for doing it in the first place (or not being more discreet)?
You say it might have been “completely innocent”, which – frankly – looks unlikely. Or, you seem to be suggesting, if it was an affair, he might have a reason for that because of potential “completely untenable circumstances at home” (but then, wouldn’t it be better for everyone to do the brave thing and break up, rather than doing it behind everyone’s backs? Isn’t it always better to do the right thing?)
Where is your anger really directed – and is it possibly at yourself?
I think if you work out where it’s coming from, it’ll give you a much clearer view of why you might feel this way. And that, in turn, will allow you to unpick the clear cognitive dissonance you appear to be feeling when reading about this situation (cognitive dissonance is the level of discomfort we all feel when our values and actions don’t align). Perhaps you know your actions in your affair aren’t that great?
Let’s not forget, I didn’t ask you how you felt about this viral story – you volunteered it. It would be enlightening for you to ask yourself why – and who, exactly, you’re trying to convince.
The Independent’s agony aunt Victoria Richards is here to help. Email dearvix@independent.co.uk for advice on love, work, family and relationships
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