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Independent readers have been questioning the value of traditional weddings, citing cost, time, and life pressures as major deterrents to tying the knot.
Reacting to Lydia Spencer-Elliott’s piece on the rise of the long engagement, a swell of comments from our community revealed widespread frustration with the financial burden of marriage.
Some couples had spent tens of thousands on a single day, while others managed weddings for just a few hundred pounds, showing that commitment does not require extravagance.
Many readers recalled happy experiences with simple, low-cost ceremonies, but said the pressure for lavish celebrations made traditional weddings less appealing.
They said the cost, along with busy jobs, parenting, and past relationships, often meant couples didn’t have the time or energy to plan a big wedding.
Here’s what you had to say:
Life throws curveballs
I’ve been engaged for about seven years now. The plan was to get married after a couple of years, but life throws a lot of curveballs, including children, redundancies and illnesses, in our case.
The huge cost also halted things; five figures to show off for one day? For signing a piece of paper? We said stuff it and paid a deposit on a house instead, and one day we’ll go to a registry office with our nearest and dearest and get it done with no fuss.
Frankly, it’s not that important in the grand scheme of things. We’re a married couple in all but name. And if you live together for a few years, the government sees you as married anyway – why bankrupt yourself?
Indefinite engagements
It has long seemed to me that many people nowadays enter into an engagement with the intention that it will be indefinite – symbolic, if you like, of a public-facing commitment, but without the legal significance of being married. I also hear very many people saying they aren’t getting married ever or yet “because it’s so expensive and/or a fuss”.
I got married during lockdown, with three weeks’ planning (purely because we had to get the licence), and it cost us £150, most of which was the licence. Getting married doesn’t have to be expensive – it’s the overblown celebrations of the wedding that cost the money, not the wedding itself.
Mind-boggling cost
Quite mind-boggling cost. My wife and I spent $160, probably then equivalent to about £40, on our wedding. But that was 48 years ago, so it doesn’t count. My son and my second daughter arranged their own weddings – the idea of a “wedding planner” seems ridiculous – and I am pretty sure they were low-cost events.
Our third daughter had a nice wedding arranged entirely by members of their friends group. Our last daughter had a wedding in Mexico and that was costly, but I still can’t imagine that it cost more than £3,000.
And as for their engagements, the kids just said, “We’ve decided to get married next September” (or whatever), and that was that. The resulting “engagement” never lasted as long as six months.
No need to waste thousands
My partner and I were together for 30 years before having a civil partnership three years ago at a registry office; we did it to give each other legal protections. No need to waste thousands on one day.
The inheritance tax reality for unmarried couples
The factor that many don’t take into account when cohabiting, especially once they’ve bought a property together, is that on the death of a marriage partner, the survivor inherits all the assets tax free. Unmarried couples are subject to inheritance tax.
For younger couples with assets of under £325k that’s probably OK, but once you get beyond that – and it’s not difficult to do so if property is involved – tax bills can have a big impact. Buying as joint tenants can ease this situation, but that doesn’t work if either of the couple wants to leave some of the property value to a third party.
I wish we married earlier
My wife and I were together but living in our respective parental homes for seven years. We are now in our 46th year of marriage. If I could go back, I’d move faster, get a place of our own and marry earlier.
If you want to, you can do it simply
Met in December, engaged in April, registry office booked, hotel booked, dress bought. All done in an afternoon, minimum cost. Married in July the same year, 1989. Wasn’t pregnant. Easy. Just a lot of excuses. If you want to do it, you can.
We don’t have the time, money or emotional bandwidth
My partner and I have been together eight years, cohabiting for three, engaged for two.
We’re middle-aged and both had significant relationships previously – I’ve got teenage children.
We don’t have the time, money or emotional bandwidth to organise a wedding at this point in our lives, and the engagement is a satisfactory placeholder and marker of intentions for when we finally get some breathing space to do things our way, for ourselves.
A low-cost wedding
Got engaged, agreed the date, got the champagne, got the marquee, booked the church, friends did flowers and the Cornish cream tea for 120 friends and family, went on the honeymoon and wrapped it all up for well under £10k.
Simples.
Children shaped by divorce
With divorce so common, many kids have been forced to grow up watching the horror show of their own parents’ marriages and are consequently very wary.
Cost doesn’t improve the marriage
You absolutely do not have to spend a huge amount to have a wedding. My wedding, 20 years ago (after being engaged for less than three months), cost well under £1,000, and that’s still possible.
The ridiculous amount some people spend is utter nonsense and doesn’t make their marriage any better.
A pub wedding done quietly
I think we spent about £5k on ours. It was a pub up the road with a function room and some bedrooms. The photographer was a hobby photographer friend who did it if we paid for his room.
It all worked out well, but we never mentioned the “w” word when talking to parties initially.
Some of the comments have been edited for this article for brevity and clarity.
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